Part 18 (2/2)
FRIDAY, MAY 19, 1944
Dearest Kitty, I felt rotten yesterday Vo (and that froine I' better today I' for dinner
Everything's going fine between Peter and reater need for tenderness than I do He still blushes every evening when he gets his good-night kiss, and then begs for another one Am I merely a better substitute for Boche? I don'tsomebody loves him After my laborious conquest, I've distanced myself a little from the situation, but you mustn't think my love has cooled Peter's a sweetheart, but I've slammed the door to ain, he'll have to use a harder crowbar!
Yours, Anne M Frank
SAturdAY, MAY 20, 1944
Dearest Kitty, Last night when I came down from the attic, I noticed, the moment I entered the room, that the lovely vase of carnations had fallen over Mother was down on her hands and kneesmy papers off the floor ”What happened?” I asked with anxious foreboding, and before they could reply, I assessed the day file,was afloat I nearly cried, and I was so upset I started speaking Gerot I babbled so about ”unlioersehbarer Schaden, schrecklich, entsetzlich, nie zu ersetzen” [ Incalculable loss, terrible, awful, irreplaceable] and ot joined in, but I felt like crying because all my work and elaborate notes were lost
I took a closer look and, luckily, die ”incalculable loss” wasn't as bad as I'd expected Up in die attic I carefully peeled apart die sheets of paper diat were stuck togedier and dien hung dieht, even I had to laugh Maria de' Medici alongside Charles V, Williae and Marie Antoinette
”It's Rassenschande,” Mr van Daan joked [An affront to racial purity] After entrusting my papers to Peter's care, I went back downstairs ”Which books are ruined?” I asked Margot, as going dirough theot said
But as luck would have it, ebra book wasn't entirely ruined I wish it had fallen right in the vase I've never loathed any book as much as that one Inside the front cover are the nairls who had it before I did It's old, yellowed, full of scribbles, crossed-out words and revisions The next ti to pieces!
Yours, Anne M Frank
MONDAY, MAY 22,1944
Dearest Kitty, On May 20, Father lost his bet and had to give five jars of yogurt to Mrs van Daan: the invasion still hasn't begun I can safely say that all of Amsterdam, all of Holland, in fact the entire western coast of Europe, all the way down to Spain, are talking about the invasion day and night, debating,to fever pitch; by no ood” Dutch people kept their faith in the English, not everyone thinks the English bluff is a reat, heroic deeds
No one can see farther than the end of their nose, no one gives a thought to the fact that the British are fighting for their own country and their own people; everyone thinks it's England's duty to save Holland, as quickly as possible What obligations do the English have toward us? What have the Dutch done to deserve the generous help they so clearly expect? Oh no, the Dutch are very lish, despite their bluff, are certainly no e and small, that are now occupied by the Germans The British are not about to offer their excuses; true, they were sleeping during the years Ger itself, but all the other countries, especially those bordering on Gerland and the rest of the world have discovered that burying your head in the sand doesn't work, and now each of the to pay a heavy price for its ostrich policy
No country sacrifices its men without reason, and certainly not in the interests of another, and England is no exception The invasion, liberation and freedoland, not the occupied territories, will choose the reat sorrow and dised their attitude toward us Jews We've been told that anti-Semitism has cropped up in circles where once it would have been unthinkable This fact has affected us all very, very deeply The reason for the hatred is understandable,to the Christians, the Jews are blabbing their secrets to the Ger them to suffer the dreadful fate and punishments that have already been meted out to so , they should look at the matter from both sides: would Christians act any differently if they were in our place? Could anyone, regardless of whether they're Jews or Christians, remain silent in the face of German pressure? Everyone knows it's practically impossible, so why do they ask the iround circles that the Gerrated to Holland before the war and have now been sent to Poland shouldn't be allowed to return here They were granted the right to asyluo back to Gerin to wonder e're fighting this long and difficult war We're always being told that we're fighting for freedom, truth and justice! The war isn't even over, and already there's dissension and Jews are regarded as lesser beings Oh, it's sad, very sad that the old adage has been confirmed for the umpteenth time: ”What one Christian does is his own responsibthty, what one Jew does reflects on all Jews”
To be honest, I can't understand how the Dutch, a nation of good, honest, upright people, can sit in judgment on us the way they do On us-the most oppressed, unfortunate and pitiable people in all the world
I have only one hope: that this anti-Se, that the Dutch will show their true colors, that they'll never waver from what they know in their hearts to be just, for this is unjust!
And if they ever carry out this terrible threat, the o We too will have to shoulder our bundles and move on, away from this beautiful country, which once so kindly took us in and now turns its back on us
I love Holland Once I hoped it would become a fatherland to me, since I had lost my own And I hope so still!
Yours, Anne M Frank
THURSDAY, MAY 25, 1944
Dearest Kitty, Bep's engaged! The news isn't h none of us are particularly pleased Bertush reason to advise her against et ahead in the world, and Bertus is pulling her back; he's a laborer, without any interests or any desire toof himself, and I don't think that'llto put an end to her indecision; four weeks ago she decided to write him off, but then she felt even worse So she wrote hied There are several factors involved in this engagement First, Bep's sick father, who likes Bertus very irls and heran old maid Third, she's just turned twenty-four, and that reat deal to Bep
Mother said it would have been better if Bep had simply had an affair with Bertus I don't know, I feel sorry for Bep and can understand her loneliness In any case, they can get , or at any rate has gone underground Besides, they don't have a penny to their na in the way of a hope chest What a sorry prospect for Bep, for e all wish the best I only hope Bertus improves under her influence, or that Bep finds another man, one who kno to appreciate her! Yours, Anne M Frank THE SAME DAY There's so Mr van Hoeven was arrested He was hiding ts in his house It's a heavy blow for us, not only because those poor Jews are once again balancing on the edge of an abyss, but also because it's terrible for Mr van Hoeven
The world's been turned upside down Thesent to concentration camps, prisons and lonely cells, while the lowest of the low rule over young and old, rich and poor One gets caught for blackJews or other un- fortunate souls Unless you're a nazi, you don't knohat's going to happen to you froreat loss to us too Bep can't possibly lug such huge amounts of potatoes all the way here, nor should she have to, so our only choice is to eat fewer of them I'll tell you e have into reeable Mother says we'll skip breakfast, eat hot cereal and bread for lunch and fried potatoes for dinner and, if possible, vegetables or lettuce once or twice a week That's all there is We're going to be hungry, but nothing's worse than being caught Yours, Anne M Frank
FRIDAY, MAY 26, 1944
My dearest Kitty, At long, long last, I can sit quietly at my table before the crack in thefra I want to say I feel more miserable than I have in months Even after the break-in I didn't feel so utterly broken, inside and out On the one hand, there's the news about Mr van Hoeven, the Jewish question (which is discussed in detail by everyone in the house), the invasion (which is so long in co), the awful food, the tension, the misera- ble atmosphere, my disappointeler's birthday, cakes and stories about cabarets, ap, is always there One day we're laugh- ing at the co, and the next day (and there are htened, and the fear, tension and despair can be read on our faces
Miep and Mr Kugler bear the greatest burden for us, and for all those in hiding-Miep in everything she does and Mr Kugler through his enorht of us, which is so that he can hardly speak from the pent-up tension and strain Mr Kleiood care of us, but they're able to put the Annex out of their minds, even if it's only for a few hours or a few days They have their oorries, Mr Kleie lat the s, their visits with friends, their everyday lives as ordinary people, so that the tension is sometimes relieved, if only for a short while, while ours never is, never has been, not once in the two years we've been here How ht press I down on us? The drains are clogged again We can't run the wa- ter, or if we do, only a trickle; we can't flush the toilet, so we have to use a toilet brush; and we've been putting our dirty water into a big earthenware jar We can e for today, but ill happen if the plumber can't fix it on his own? The Sanitation Department can't come until Tuesday
Miep sent us a raisin bread with ”Happy Pentecost” written on top It's al us, since our moods and cares are far frohtened since the van Hoeven business Once again you hear ”shh” fro more quietly The police forced the door there; they could just as easily do that here too! What e do if we're everno, I mustn't write that down But the question won't let itself be pushed to the back of my mind today; on the contrary, all the fear I've ever felt is looo downstairs alone at eight this evening to use the bathroo to the radio I wanted to be brave, but it was hard I always feel safer upstairs than in that huge, silent house; when I'm alone with thoseof horns in the street, I have to hurry and re the shi+vers
Miep has been acting much nicer toward us since her talk with Father But I haven't told you about that yet Miep caht out if we thought they too were infected with the current anti-Semitism Father was stunned and quickly talked her out of the idea, but soh we certainly shouldn't bother theood, noble people!
I've asked ain whether it wouldn't have been better if we hadn't gone into hiding, if ere dead now and didn't have to go through this misery, especially so that the others could be spared the burden But we all shrink frootten the voice of nature, and we keep hoping, hoping foreverything Let so can bethan this anxiety Let the end come, however cruel; at least then we'll knohether we are to be the victors or the vanquished
Yours, Anne M Frank
WEDNESDAY, MAY 31, 1944
Dearest Kitty, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday it was too hot to hold my fountain pen, which is why I couldn't write to you Friday the drains were clogged, Saturday they were fixed Mrs Kleiman came for a visit in the afternoon and told us a lot about Jopiej she and Jacque van Maarsen are in the same hockey club Sunday Bep dropped by to make sure there hadn't been a break-in and stayed for breakfast Monday (a holiday because of Pentecost), Mr Gies served as the Annex watchman, and Tuesday ere finally allowed to open the s We've seldom had a Pentecost weekend that was so beautiful and warm Or maybe ”hot” is a better word Hot weather is horrible in the Annex To give you an idea of the nu days Saturday: ”Wonderful, what fantastic weather,” we all said in the”If only it weren't quite so hot,” we said in the afternoon, when the s had to be shut
Sunday: ”The heat's unbearable, the butter's , there's not a cool spot anywhere in the house, the bread's drying out, thesour, the s can't be opened We poor outcasts are suffocating while everyone else is enjoying their Pentecost” (According to Mrs van D) Monday: ”My feet hurt, I have nothing cool to wear, I can't do the dishes in this heat!” Gruht It ful I can't stand the heat I'lad the wind's co