c2 (1/2)

ch 2 I Won't Forgive You

“It is,” Bala said firmly.

“Why?!” Xu Yi shouted loudly. The whole bar heard, and some boys came over.

“Why?!” Xu Yi continued to shout. He grabbed Bala by her collar, shaking her, and said, “I’m telling you, I won’t forgive you. I won’t forgive you!”

Bala must have felt dizzy from all the shaking, but her face remained expressionless.

Xu Yi was quickly pulled away. Before I could take in what was happening, he’d already been hit to the ground and held down. Countless fists fell onto him.

I couldn’t hear anything else.

I shouted out, “Don’t! Don’t! Don’t!” I rushed past, and Bala couldn’t hold me back in time. I crazily ran into the group of people, wanting to use my body to block Xu Yi. A beer bottle hit my head.

Blood, red blood.

Again, I couldn’t hear anything else.

When I woke up, I realized that I was lying in Bala’s bed.

Bala was holding a cat, a very fat one. With a long, dangling white tail, it sat calmly in Bala’s arms. Its green eyes were s.h.i.+ning brightly, but its face looked like it wanted to eat.

Bala hugged the cat, and said to me tenderly, “Thank goodness you’re okay.”

“What about Xu Yi?” I suddenly remembered.

“He’s fine,” Bala said. “I already helped you wrap up your head wound, but what are you going to say when you get home?”

I didn’t say anything.

“You can stay here for awhile,” she said.

I crawled over and looked at myself in the mirror. I saw a hateful white gauze wrapped on my head. Using my strength, I pulled it off. This hurt a lot. Bala screamed, “What are you doing?”

I said to Bala, “I need to use the bathroom.”

Bala extended her hand to point the way.

Enduring the pain, I went to the bathroom and washed the traces of blood out of my hair. Then I combed it. I ran outside to ask, “Bala, do you have any suitable hats?”

Bala had many hats, but I tried on about ten before I found one to wear. It was a little red hat. Bala said her niece left it before.

Bala sent me home, taking me all the way to the noodle shop. She said to me, “Little Ear, you’re braver than me. I need to learn from you.”

“That child…” I asked her.

She patted her tummy mysteriously, and said, “Don’t worry. I will have it.”

I covered my mouth.

“Maybe it will hurt a bit, but it will be worth it.”

“Your mom doesn’t care?” I asked her.

Bala slanted her mouth, “She wouldn’t be able to do anything even if she did care.”

“Don’t be so willful. Bala,” I said. “What good will come from this?”

Bala looked at me.

“Bala, please don’t be like this. I know, you don’t want it to be like this either.” When I finished speaking, I turned around and strode away.

When I turned back, I saw Bala standing there, motionless. She saw I’d turned back, and blew me a kiss. Then she turned away and left.

Wearing the little red hat, I walked strangely back home. My mom looked at me oddly. I was rubbing my face as I walked toward my room. “It was very cold today, so I bought a hat. It feels much better now.”

Those days, I had a very strange thought.

I suddenly wanted to become bad.

I felt very stuffy. I was obsessed with the idea that, if I became bad, I would become free.

I made a long post of unintelligible words on my blog. When I finished, I wanted someone to read it, so I sent a link to Bala. She responded very quickly, “Little Ear doesn’t seem very happy. Why don’t you come to ‘Forget It’ and listen to me sing?”

“I can’t,” I said. “But I’m going to read by the river in the afternoon.”

That afternoon, I sat on a bench by the river, holding my book and pretending to read. Bala finally showed up, wearing a long, fringed skirt, carrying a rose-red bag. With an exaggerated pace, she dragged herself over. With bright eyes looking at me, she asked, “Do you really want to become a bad girl?”

I grumbled and nodded.

Bala patted my head.

“You want to die?” Bala said. “Thinking about nonsense all day.”

Bala laughed, and said, “Little Ear, promise me something.”

“What?”

“When my son is born, you will be his G.o.dmother. So you cannot become bad. He has to have one good mother. That way, he won’t lose to anyone else!”

“What are you saying?” I pushed her and said, “Let’s go.”

“Where to?”

“The hospital!”

“Let go!”

“No!” I said. “You have to go to the hospital. You have to!”

Bala pushed me away and fell onto the bench. With a smile, she said to me, “Listen, Little Ear. Even if the entire world wants to kill this child, I will still give birth to him. Nothing will change that, unless I die.”

I was frightened by her smile. After a long while, I said, “Bala, what exactly are you doing this for?”

Bala rested her chin on the bench and spoke leisurely, “You wouldn’t understand. Just like you’ll never become a bad kid. Little Ear, everyone’s fate is set on the day that they are born. You are a good girl, so just live like a good girl. Got it?”

I didn’t leave the house again during the winter break.

On the first day of the new school term, I ran into Xu Yi at the school’s front gate. He extended a long arm to stop me in my path.

There were a lot of girls around who looked at me.

My face turned red.

Xu Yi said, “Thank you.”