Part 13 (1/2)
Looking around in silent contemplation of the interior of the grotto, Loyola broke the silence in a solemn voice: ”I greet thee, secret retreat, where, as formerly in the cavern of Manres, I have often meditated, and matured my purposes!” He then sat down upon a nearby stone, crossed his hands over his staff, leaned his chin upon his hands, let his eyes travel slowly over his disciples, who, impa.s.sive as statues stood beside him, and, after an instant of silent meditation resumed: ”My children, I said to you this evening: 'Come!' You came, ignorant of whither I was leading you. Why did you follow me? Answer, Xavier. To hear one of my disciples is to hear them all--to hear one of them to-day, is to hear all those who are to follow them from age to age--all will be but the distant echoes of my thought.”
”Master, you said to us: 'Come!' We came. Command, and you shall be obeyed.”
”Without inquiring whither I led you; without even seeking to ascertain what I might demand of you? Answer, Lefevre.”
”Master, we followed you without reflecting--without inquiring.”
”Why without reflecting, without inquiring? Answer, Lainez.”
”The members of the body obey the will that directs them; they do not interrogate that will; they obey.”
”Xavier,” resumed Loyola, ”plant your candle in some interstice of that boulder. Lefevre, deposit your bundle at your feet. It contains your sacerdotal vestments and the articles necessary to celebrate the holy sacrifice of the ma.s.s.”
Francis Xavier planted the lighted candle firmly between two stones.
Lefevre deposited his bundle on the ground. The other disciples remained standing, their eyes lowered. Still keeping his seat, and with his chin resting on the handle of his staff, Loyola resumed:
”Francis Xavier, when I first met you on the benches of the University--what was then your nature? What were your habits?”
”Master, I was pa.s.sionately given to the pleasures of life.”
”And you, Inigo of Bobadilla?”
”Master, all obstacles upset me. I was weak and pusillanimous. My spirit lacked energy. My nature was cowardly and springless.”
”And you, John Lainez?”
”Master, I had excessive confidence in myself. Extreme vanity--”
”And you, Rodriguez of Azevedo?”
”Master, my heart ran over with tenderness. A touching act, an affectionate word, was enough to bring the tears to my eyes. I was kind to all, was ever eager to run to the help of our fellow men. I was of a confiding and accessible nature.”
”And you, Alfonso Salmeron?”
”Master, pride dominated me. I was proud of my vigor of bone and of my intelligence. I deemed myself a superior man.”
”And you, John Lefevre?”
”Master, my mountaineer tenacity never looked upon any obstruction but to overcome it. I brooked no contradiction.”
”Aye! Such were you. And what are you now? Answer, John Lefevre. To hear one of you is to hear all the rest.”
”Master, we are no longer ourselves. Your soul has absorbed ours. We are now the instruments of your will. We are the body, you the spirit. We are submissive slaves, you the inflexible master. We are the clubs, you the hand. Without your animating breath we are but corpses.”
”How did you arrive at this complete self-effacement? In what manner was the absorption of your personalities in mine effected?”
”Master, the study of your _Spiritual Exercises_ effected the miracle.”
Loyola seemed satisfied. With his chin resting upon his two hands crossed over the head of his heavy staff, he remained silent for a moment. Presently he resumed: ”Yes, that you were; now you are this. And I myself, what was I, and what have I become? I shall tell you. I was a haughty Grandee of Viscaya, a handsome cavalier, a valiant captain, a daring seducer, and lucky swordsman. The hand of G.o.d suddenly smote me in war and rendered me a cripple. Great was my despair! To renounce women, dueling, horses, the battle, the command of my regiment, which I had broken in, drilled and fas.h.i.+oned by military discipline! Nailed to a couch of tortures, which I welcomed in the hope of removing my deformity, I was seized by Grace! I felt myself full of strength and of energy. I was possessed of an invincible craving for dominion. At that juncture the Holy Ghost said to me: 'Devote thyself to the triumph of the Catholic Church. Thy dominion shall extend in the measure of thy faith.' I then asked myself what services could I render the Catholic Church. I looked around me. What did I see? The spirit of Liberty, that pestilential emanation of a fallen humanity, everywhere at war with Authority, that sacred emanation of Divinity. I promised to myself to curb the spirit of Liberty with the inflexible curb of Authority, identically as I had formerly subjugated indomitable horses. The goal being set, what were the means to reach it? I looked for them. I wished first to experiment upon myself, to determine upon myself the extent to which, sustained by faith in the idea a man pursues, he can shake off his former self. Rich by birth, I begged my bread; a haughty Grandee, I exposed myself to outrage; a skilful swordsman, I submitted to insult; sumptuous in my habits of dress, careful of my personal appearance, I have lived in rags and in the gutter. Ignorant of letters, I took my seat at the age of thirty among children on the benches of the Montaigu College, where any slight inattention was visited upon me with the whip.
Some of my purposes, being detected by orthodox priests, earned for me their persecution and I was ostracised. I stood it all without a murmur.