Part 11 (1/2)

A guy wearing a ”Korn” t-s.h.i.+rt was typing something into a laptop behind the table. He nodded at me when I approached and his eyes immediately found my cleavage.

”Can I request a song?” I shouted above the music. He nodded at my girls and pressed a piece of paper and a pencil into my hand. I quickly scribbled the name of a song and the artist onto the paper and handed it back to him.

”My face is here,” I said reaching out and lifting his chin until he was looking me in the eye. He smiled and winked at me.

Degenerate. I kind of liked him.

”Yours is up next.” He shouted over the music. He gave me the thumbs up, as I sauntered away.

I eyed the dance floor with trepidation and saw the only person out there was a prematurely drunk guy who was shuffling around, winding his hips without a trace of rhythm. This was going to kill me, but that was obsession and I was going to do it. I took a huge swig, finis.h.i.+ng off what remained of my vodka c.o.c.ktail and summoned the memory of our kiss in the pool. The thought of it gave me a temporary surge of boldness. I want to be kissed like that again-possibly every single day of my life.

I stepped onto the dance floor as my song flowed from the speakers. It only took about ten seconds for me to take over the entire room. People simultaneously stopped what they were doing to watch me. I was good. I was really, really good. I silently thanked my mother for the eight years of free dance lessons she had wrangled out of the local studio as I twisted my hips in a complicated wind.

I'm obsessive, when just the thought of you comes up...

I saw Cammie's face appear around the corner to see what was happening. Her mouth made an ”O” shape and she winked at me with approval.

It's not healthy for me to feel this...

Other people started joining me on the dance floor but they kept a respectful distance, swaying around me like my personal backup dancers.

”Looks like we have a hot one in the house tonight,” I heard the DJ say over the microphone. As more people started crowding around to watch me, I saw Caleb and his pool buddies emerge from the back room. That's right, come take a look and see what all the commotions about. I let my hair fall seductively into my eyes and swiveled my hips in his direction.

This time, please- someone come and rescue me...

I watched his face as he spotted me and my stomach did a little dance of excitement. Bingo! Eye contact. Other than a slight narrowing of his eyes, his face didn't show one iota of emotion. Dammit! I threw in my signature belly dancer shake and I saw with satisfaction that he raised an eyebrow. When Rhianna sang: Just your presence and I second-guess my sanity...I looked directly at Caleb and crooked my finger. He didn't look surprised at all. He pushed himself away from the wall and walked casually over to me, hands still in his pockets. He allowed me to dance around him for seconds, smiling at the hoots and catcalls before grabbing me by the waist and dancing in-sync with my steps. He was good- all smoothness- like I expected.

When that song ended, we danced to the next one, and the next one. My hair was damp and sticking to the back of my neck, when Caleb finally pulled me off the dance floor. I held onto his hand as he steered us through the ocean of bodies and out onto the porch. We leaned our elbows on the railing, and let the cool air run her fingers across our sticky skin.

”You're full of surprises.” These were the first words he had spoken to me in months. I savored the sound of his voice before I answered.

”Why? Because I can dance?” I lifted my hair off of my neck and looked him in the eye.

Caleb shook his head and did something with his lips that almost made me keel over.

”No. Because you came...because you're wearing that dress,” he smiled, eyeing my cleavage. ”and not because you can dance, but because you did dance.”

”You think I'm uptight,” I sigh, watching a girl throw up in an Azalea a hundred yards away.

”Everyone thinks you're uptight.”

I knew he wasn't saying it to be mean. It was just fact-like green apples being sour.

”You're like a pair of boots with six inch heels. All att.i.tude and s.e.xiness, but you make people feel uncomfortable just looking at you.”

Well, I had officially graduated from Llama's to footwear.

”And after tonight?” I asked him, picking at the peeling paint on the banister.

”I think you broke a heel and you're wearing flip flops like the rest of us.” There was laughter in his voice.

”I might put my boots back on tomorrow,” I said. ”And why are we speaking metaphor?”

Caleb laughed and then all of a sudden he became serious again.

”I like your boots. They're s.e.xy.” His voice was throaty and seductive. I knew he could get girls-maybe even me into bed, just by using that voice.

”I have something for you,” I said suddenly pulling out of the trance he was putting me in. He c.o.c.ked his head. That small gesture got me so worked up I forgot what I was supposed to be doing for a few seconds. Grabbing his hand, I placed my token in his palm. He smiled at me, almost questioningly, and looked down. It was the penny. I found it in the pocket of his sweats.h.i.+rt the morning after our kiss.

This time, I made the first move. I stepped towards him, eliminating the s.p.a.ce between us, just as he looked up. His hands wrapped around my waist and in one smooth motion, he whipped our bodies around until my back was pressed up against the wall. He was trying to s.h.i.+eld our moment from the stragglers who had wandered onto the porch. I all but disappeared behind his back, but I could still hear some snickering and exclamations of surprise.

This kiss was different from the first one. We had kissed before so there was no hesitancy or shyness this time. He did things with his mouth that purposely prompted racy thoughts. I was breathing hard when he pulled away. My hands were braced behind me pressing against the rough stucco of the house. Caleb laughed, running his hands through my hair, tugging on the split ends.

I was still leaning against the wall, wondering if my legs would work if I took a step away. The backdoor opened, leaking out the noise of the party.

”Come on,” he said taking my hand, ”I want to see you dance again.”

I fell in love hard and swift like Tyson's uppercut. One day I just enjoyed his company and the next I couldn't live without it. We saw each other every spare minute-even if it was just for a quick, hungry kiss before cla.s.s. When our grades made the s.h.i.+tty plummet, we set boundaries; no talking on the phone after dark and no seeing each other during the week except at mealtimes. Most of the time, we broke our rules minutes after making them. It was nugatory trying to stay away from him. He was my crack. I could never get enough and when I had him I was already thinking about when I could have him next.

We seemed happier than other couples, permanently stuck in a state of bliss so intense our mouths were curved into smiles even in our sleep. Caleb taught me how to play-something I had never known in my youth or as an adult. He brought me cupcakes and then smashed them in my face. He took me kayaking and flipped us into the water. Once when his fraternity hosted a jello wrestling night, he convinced me to attend and then challenged me to a wrestling duel. Knee deep in jello the color of Windex, I charged him aiming for his knees. I got lucky and threw him off balance. We both landed up on our backs with Caleb laughing so hard, it sounded like he was sobbing. I loved him with everything in me. He taught me who I was, something I never would have known, without his deft handling of my personality.

That summer, I picked up a part time job at a small bookstore. I was the only employee, other than the owner, and I worked nights which required me to lock up the store around midnight. The bookstore shared a parking lot with a bar called Gunshots and most nights I had to endure catcalls and whistling from the intoxicated bikers who were lingering outside. I hated it and kept my fists balled all the way to the car, in case I had to hit someone.

I had been working there for three weeks when Caleb dropped by to see me. His face was red and tense when he walked through the doors.

”What's wrong?” I said coming around the counter to hug him. I peered over his shoulder, wondering if one of the bar rats had said something to make him angry. Often they made rude comments to the customers as they were coming or going.

”You're alone here?”

”Well, there are a few customers.” I said glancing around the aisles.

”When you leave at night, do you walk to your car alone?” His voice was impatient and I wondered where exactly he was going with this.

”Yes.”

”You're not working here anymore,” he said, with finality.

”What?” my jaw dropped. He had never spoken to me that way before.

He pointed outside to the bar. ”It's dangerous. You're a woman. You are alone and it doesn't help that you look the way you do.”

”You're telling me that I have to quit my job because of the way I look?” I raised an eyebrow and walked back behind the register. He was p.i.s.sing me off.

”I'm telling you that it is not safe for you to be here alone and then walk to your car by yourself.”

”I can take care of myself.” I began stacking books that needed to be shelved onto a trolley.

”You're a hundred pounds soaking wet, and those are very drunk men.”