Part 19 (1/2)
”Oh,” Hannah says. ”I haven't decided yet.”
”Don't they have deadlines for these things?” Uncle Joel says.
”She's got time,” Hannah's mom says. ”She has to choose between several schools that offered her admission. It's a good problem to have.”
”She got into Emory,” Hannah's dad says with a smile.
”I heard!” Aunt Ellie says. ”That's beautiful news, Hannah. Beautiful. Are you leaning towards Emory?”
”I'm really not sure,” Hannah says politely, feeling better now that the conversation has turned to something she can speak honestly and confidently about. ”I got my acceptance letter just before we left for the beach, so I haven't had time to really sit down and think about it. And Atlanta's kind of far-”
”But isn't that where Georgia Tech is?” Aunt Ellie asks. ”So you'll have your friend nearby?”
”Yeah, Han,” Joanie smirks, ”so you'll have your friend nearby?”
Aunt Ellie starts to laugh behind her hand. Joanie laughs, too, and Luke snorts into his napkin. Even Hannah's mom has to bite her lip to keep from laughing.
”Are we done?” Hannah says, her heart hammering. ”Or did you want to keep being a stupid b.i.t.c.h, Joanie?”
Joanie's laughter dies in her throat. Her eyes narrow with anger. ”Screw you, Hannah. Learn how to take a freaking joke.”
”Stop being such a freaking gossip. Or do you just do that because you're insecure about how much of a baby you are compared to the rest of us?”
”Screw you!” Joanie says again, slamming her napkin onto the table. ”G.o.d-you are such a-” she shakes her head with fury. ”Come on, Luke,” she says, pulling him up from the table, ”let's go for a walk.”
They stomp out of the dining room, Luke glancing uncomfortably back at the table. The front door slams and Hannah sits stock-still in her seat, unsure of what to do. After a long moment, Hannah's mom starts to clean up the dishes, and Aunt Ellie gets up to help her. Uncle Joel shakes his head and takes another bite of ham.
Hannah's dad sighs at the other end of the table. When Hannah looks at him, begging him to say something, he takes his gla.s.ses off his face and stretches back in his chair, in a way that only fathers with teenaged daughters can do.
”You always had a way with words, Hannah,” he says tiredly.
Hannah parks her car next to Baker's on Monday morning, just as she does every weekday morning, but today Baker isn't there waiting for her. Hannah looks over at Baker's car and imagines her sitting there in the driver's seat, tapping a pen against her student planner to make sure she's ahead of all her a.s.signments, then smiling and stuffing the planner back into her booksack when she realizes Hannah has pulled in next to her.
Joanie gets out of the car without saying anything to Hannah. She slams the door behind her and Hannah watches, in the rearview mirror, as she walks over to Luke's car to take his hand.
Hannah sits through first period with her stomach in knots, hardly paying attention to Mr. Montgomery. During her una.s.signed period she sits in the senior lounge with Wally and tries to distract herself by working on her Theology paper. When she walks into the courtyard at lunchtime, with Wally peeling off to get food from the cafeteria, she finds that none of her other friends have gotten there yet, for the table they usually sit at is vacant. She sits down on the bench with a lead weight in her stomach, feeling nervous about the prospect of seeing Baker face to face for the first time since Friday.
”Yo,” says Joanie, walking up to the table with Luke, Wally following behind them, ”what's up with Clay and Baker ditching us?”
”What?” Hannah asks.
”Look,” Joanie insists, pointing across the courtyard.
Hannah follows the direction of Joanie's outstretched arm and sees that Baker and Clay have gone to sit at a different table in the center of the courtyard. Some of their friends from the volleyball and football teams, and some of Baker's friends from student council, surround them. Hannah sits rigidly and watches them for a moment, hating how everyone at the table tunes their attention to the pretty pair of them, and how Clay smiles at Baker in-between every sentence he speaks.
”Is this some sort of like 'We're-dating-now-so-we're-going-to-branch-out-on-our-own' gesture?” Luke says.
”They're not dating,” Hannah says before she can stop herself.
”Well, whatever they're doing, I have to admit that I feel pretty slighted,” Luke says. ”Shouldn't we at least have gotten some sort of friend group break-up memo about this?”
”Maybe they're subconsciously resentful toward us because they think we c.o.c.k-blocked them in Destin,” Joanie says.
Wally tilts his head, his eyes studying Baker and Clay across the courtyard. ”What?” Hannah asks him. ”What are you thinking?”
”It's just weird,” Wally says after a moment. ”It's not like them.”
Hannah watches Baker bite into an apple slice, her mouth turning up in a smile as she talks to one of her friends from the volleyball team. Suddenly Hannah feels deeply lonely. Lonely and, in a sad but understanding way, betrayed.
When the bell rings to move to third block, Baker grabs onto Clay's booksack and follows him into the building. Hannah watches them from across the courtyard, her stomach emptier than when she sat down to lunch.
Hannah stares at her Calculus homework for a very long time that night.
We missed you at lunch today, she texts.
Baker doesn't reply.
Baker's car has moved four parking s.p.a.ces down the next morning. Hannah's stomach drops when she sees it.
”What the h.e.l.l?” Joanie says, momentarily distracted from applying her mascara. ”What is going on?”
Hannah stares stupidly out the window. ”I don't know,” she says in a dead voice.
”Hannah. Seriously. What's going on?”
Hannah's torso aches like someone just rammed into her side.
”I don't know,” she says.
Baker doesn't speak to Hannah during Ms. Carpenter's cla.s.s. When the bell rings for lunch, Baker hurries out of the cla.s.sroom before Hannah can catch up to her.
Baker and Clay sit at the other lunch table again. Hannah sits with her back facing them, determined to pay attention to Wally, Luke, and Joanie, and no one else. She pushes her feelings down in the same way that she pushes her plastic spoon into her pudding cup.
”I guess we're on Day Two of our trial separation?” Luke says, nodding his head toward Baker and Clay.
”Guess so,” Joanie frowns. ”I'm tempted to go confront them about it, those a.s.sholes.”
”Don't,” Hannah says.
”Why not? They're being so weird. Clay keeps doing this awkward guilty smile thing, like he knows he's being a piece of s.h.i.+t but doesn't want to acknowledge it, and Baker won't even look at me. I pa.s.sed right by her on the way to lunch and she totally looked the other way. Like, on purpose. The f.u.c.k is that about?”
”She's been fine to me,” Luke says between bites of his sandwich. ”We worked on our Econ study guide together this morning. By which I mean, she worked on finding the answers while I worked on telling her some jokes.”
”Do you think they walked in on us in the hot tub?” Joanie asks him under her breath. ”Do you think that's why they're being weird?”
”Oh my G.o.d, stop,” Hannah says, holding up her hand.
”I don't think this has anything to do with what y'all choose to do in hot tubs,” Wally says seriously. ”They're being weird for some other reason.”
”You have to know, Hannah,” Joanie says.