Part 14 (1/2)
Sasha's heart lurched at the meaning. She remained quiet, soaking up the emotions that tumbled out of his mouth with his words.
”I don't know what I'm doing but I'm trying to change, it's just not that easy,” his fists were clenched so tightly his knuckles were white. He gazed at his hands and then his head tipped up shyly, his blue sky eyes connecting with hers. Evan stared into her eyes, pleading his case as if trying to connect with her soul. She sensed his wanting, needing for her to understand what he was saying.
”I'm here for you if you want me,” he said s.h.i.+fting uneasily in his seat. He was flushed as if he'd done exercise and looked so uncomfortable that Sasha wondered if he'd never expressed his feelings to anyone before. Sasha felt his offer was genuine; she was just reluctant to get her hopes up.
He tentatively reached his hand out to clasp hers that lay on the table. She watched his fingers entwine with hers and squeeze lightly. He gave her a small smile as if waiting for her reaction.
”You hurt me,” her voice was husky with raw honesty. She rarely spoke of her feelings either, especially not to guys. She really liked Evan and he seemed like one of the good guys.
”Why did you do it?” She pushed. If he didn't give her a clear answer she knew she'd leave because there was only so much push-pull behavior she could handle.
He sighed deeply as if he didn't want to answer her question. ”It's not going to make sense,” he said softly, ”because I don't really understand myself.”
He squeezed her hand again and looked down at the table, avoiding her eyes this time.
”Every time I felt a need to be close to you, I felt an equally strong urge to run away,” he confessed embarra.s.sed. The words hurt and Sasha felt tears p.r.i.c.k her eyes. She wondered if she had that effect on most boys because it certainly matched Cady's criticisms of her that she pushed guys away.
”Did I do something?” She asked her voice tight with restrained emotions.
Evan shook his head vigorously and smiled rea.s.suringly. ”This has nothing to do with you,” he said softly. ”It's me, it's my problem.”
Sasha frowned and didn't know what to say. She was relieved that she hadn't caused his uncertainty but was clueless as to how he was going to forge ahead.
He explained that he'd convinced himself that he couldn't date her because he needed to focus on school so he could get a scholars.h.i.+p and make money to help his grandmother. All those reasons were true but they were also excuses, he said, to keep himself closed off. He didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him about his dad's death and his mother's addictions. By keeping those details secret, it was just another piece of his life that he held back. He said he was glad he'd told her the truth and he hoped it hadn't changed how she saw him.
”My Nan is right,” he said. ”I need to start living life. I can't live for tomorrow when today is here now.”
Sasha smiled tentatively. ”That makes sense,” she laughed. ”I don't think I've ever lived for any day but today. It's not like my family is perfect Evan. We are equally as screwed up as yours minus the drugs. No family is perfect.”
Evan returned her smile, visibly relaxing. ”You're not mad at me?”
”I didn't say that,” she laughed again. ”But you can make it up to me.”
”I will try Sasha,” he said quietly. She loved the way he said her name, it sent a thrill up her spine and she s.h.i.+vered at the feeling.
”This week has been dangerous,” he said squeezing her hands again, his thumbs tracing the life lines on her palms. ”But life really is short.”
Sasha squeezed his hands lightly.
”I want to be part of your crazy weird life,” he laughed. ”Is it crazy for me to want that?”
Sasha laughed too. ”No,” she said smiling. ”Ok, maybe a little.”
They smiled at each other.
”I thought I'd scared you off,” she said embarra.s.sed.
He shook his head. ”I scared myself,” he said. ”It had nothing to do with you.”
Sasha felt her heart beat slightly faster in her chest.
”What now?” she asked.
He stared at her hard. His blue eyes were full of focus and intent. Sasha felt the rest of the room fall away as if it were only the two of them in the cafe.
”I want to help you,” he said. ”You're in trouble.”
Sasha felt her face flush pink. ”I know,” she said withdrawing her hands and taking a sip of her drink. Ugh. It was too creamy.
”Did you see the news report about Cady?”
Sasha nodded too afraid to voice her suspicions.
”They weren't wearing masks but it could have been the same two guys from the robbery,” Evan said.
”I hope not,” she said. ”Those guys were serious.”
”And Nefar isn't? What else have you found out.”
”I have tried to talk to my parents,” she said earnestly. ”My father knows nothing and my mother won't talk.”
Evan shook his head. ”Mothers,” he muttered.
”I'm sorry?” she asked.
”Nothing,” he said straightening in his chair. ”I have my own mother issues.”
”I think I have a double whammy,” she said, ”mother and grandmother issues.”
Then she finally confessed what Nefar said to her about a curse and her grandmother before Evan came into the rear parking lot.
”Why didn't you tell me?” He said sounding hurt.
”You said magic was ridiculous,” she said. ”I thought for sure you'd think I was crazier than I seemed already.”
”I still don't believe in magic,” he said. ”If the robbers were after you, guns aren't exactly magic.”
Sasha held back about the blue sparks. He obviously wasn't open to the idea of magic. When he was, she'd tell him then.
”So what's your next step?”
Sasha told him about the Fifth Street store.
”How's that going to help?”
”Let's for a minute a.s.sume it's a curse,” she said. Evan rolled his eyes. Sasha put up a hand to ward off his skepticism. ”Let's just give it chance ok? When we've exhausted that idea we'll move on the next theory, ok?”