Part 38 (2/2)

All that her mother-in-law had said came back to her memory. Had John taken that one step away? Would he never take it back to her? She was overwhelmed with a climbing sorrow that would not down. Yet she asked with a.s.sumed indifference,

”Was the Master well this morning?”

”It's likely, ma'am. He wasn't complaining. That isn't Master's way.”

Then she thought of her own complaining, and was silent.

After breakfast she went through the house and found every room impossible. She flooded them with fresh air and suns.h.i.+ne, but she could not empty them of phantoms and memories and with a little half-uttered cry she put on her hat and went out. Surely in the oak wood she would find the complete solitude she must have. She pa.s.sed rapidly through the band of ash-trees that s.h.i.+elded the house on the north and was directly in the soft, deep shadow of umbrageous oaks a century old. They whispered among themselves at her coming, they fanned her with a little cool wind from the encircling mountains, and she threw herself gratefully down upon the soft, warm turf at their feet.

Then all the sorrow of the past months overwhelmed her. She wept as if her heart would break and there was a great silence all around which the tinkle of a little brook over its pebbly bed only seemed to intensify.

Presently she had no more tears left and she dried her eyes and sat upright and was suddenly aware of a great interior light, pitiless and clear beyond all days.h.i.+ne. And in it she saw herself with a vision more than mortal. It was an intolerable vision, but during it there was formed in her soul the faculty of prayer.

Out of the depths of her shame and sorrow she called upon G.o.d and He heard her. She told Him all her selfishness and sin and urged by some strong spiritual necessity, begged G.o.d's forgiveness and help with the conquering prayers that He himself gave her. ”Cast me not from Thy Presence,” she cried. ”Take not Thy holy spirit from me,” and then there flashed across her trembling soul the horror and blackness of darkness in which souls ”cast from G.o.d's presence” must dwell forever.

Prostrate in utter helplessness, she cast herself upon the Eternal Father's mercy. If He would forgive her selfish rebellion against the removal of Martha, if He would give her back the joy of the first years of her espousal to her husband, if He would only forgive her, she could do without all the rest--and then in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, she knew she was forgiven. An inexpressible glory filled her soul, washed clean of sin. Love beyond words, peace and joy beyond expression, surrounded her. She stood up and lifted her face and hands to heaven and cried out like one in a swoon of triumph,

”Thou hast called me by my name! I am Thine!”

All doubt, all fear, all sorrow, all pain was gone. She knew as by flashlight, her whole duty to her husband and her relatives and friends.

She was willing with all her heart to perform it. She went to the little stream and bathed her face and she thought it said as it ran onward, _”Happy woman! Happy woman!”_ The trees looked larger and greener, and seemed to stand in a golden glow. The shepherd's rose and the stately foxgloves were more full of color and scent. She heard the fine inner tones of the birds' songs that Heaven only hears; and all nature was glorified and rejoiced with her. She had a new heart and the old cares and sorrows had gone away forever.

Such conversions are among the deepest, real facts in the history of the soul of man. They have occurred in all ages, in all countries, and in all conditions of life, for we know that they are the very truth, as we have seen them translated into action. There is no use attempting to explain by any human reason facts of such majesty and mystery, for how can natural reason explain what is supernatural?

In a rapture of joy Jane walked swiftly home. She was not conscious of her movements, the solid earth might have been a road of some buoyant atmosphere. All the world looked grandly different, and she herself was as one born again. Her servants looked at her in amazement and talked about ”the change in Missis,” while the work of the household dropped from their hands until old Adam Boothby, the gardener, came in for his dinner.

”She pa.s.sed me,” he said, ”as I was gathering berries. She came from the oak wood, and O blind women that you be, couldn't you see she hed been with G.o.d? The clear s.h.i.+ning of His face was over her. She's in a new world this afternoon, and the angels in heaven are rejoicing over her, and I'm sure every man in Hatton will rejoice with her husband; he's hed a middling bad time with her lately or I'm varry much mistaken.”

Then these men and women, who had been privately unstinting in their blame of Missis and her selfish way, held their peace. She had been with G.o.d. About that communion they did not dare to comment.

As it neared five o'clock, Jane's maid came into the kitchen with another note of surprise. ”Missis hes dressed hersen in white from head to foot,” she cried. ”She told me to put away her black things out of sight. I doan't know what to think of such ways. It isn't half a year yet since the child died.”

”I'd think no wrong if I was thee, Lydia Swale. Thou hesn't any warrant for thinking wrong but what thou gives thysen, and thou be neither judge nor jury,” said an old woman, making Devons.h.i.+re cream.

”In white from top to toe,” Lydia continued, ”even her belt was of white satin ribbon, and she put a white rose in her hair, too. It caps me.

It's a queer dooment.”

”Brush the black frocks over thy arm and then go and smarten thysen up a bit. It will be dinner-time before thou hes thy work done.”

”Happen it may. I'm not caring and Missis isn't caring, either. She'll never wear these frocks again--she might as well give them to me.”

In the meantime Jane was looking at herself in the long cheval mirror.

The rapture in her heart was still reflected on her face, and the white clothing transfigured her. ”John must see that the great miracle of life has happened to me, that I have really been born again. Oh, how happy he will be!”

With this radiant thought she stepped lightly down to the long avenue by which John always came home. About midway, there was a seat under a large oak-tree and she saw John sitting on it. He was reading a letter when Jane appeared, but when he understood that it really was Jane, he was lost in amazement and the letter fell to the ground.

”John! John!” she cried in a soft, triumphant voice. ”O John, do you know what has happened to me?”

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