Chapter 68 (1/2)

‘Swamp man’.

This again?

I’m starting to get tired of hearing this mystery phrase.

I felt it the last time I heard those words, but they made me dreadfully uncomfortable, as if they were a rejection of my very being.

As a matter of fact, Lucien said it to me last time: [You were never supposed to be there. Who are you?]

Sure, maybe I’m not supposed to be here.

After all, I’m someone else. This body is only temporary.

Lucien’s objective is to empty this body. Then, to seal Tetra inside. That way, he would prevent Tetra’s Heart from going on a rampage.

So that means Lucien has a way of driving me out of this body, right?

That’s why he restrained me like this.

— In that case, could it be that he found the location of my real body?

If so, then not only would that problem be solved, my long-cherished wish would come true — just like that.

To return to my original body.

I’ve longed for that ever since I entered this body. Always. I came this far on the belief that I would return to normal someday. So if my body’s been found, then fact is, I should be hailing this guy as my savior.

Suddenly, I recalled one of the things I’d picked up in Brellwandy.

At the guild, Arc had said [The military has Artor on lockdown.] They might have been searching for my body on Lucien’s instructions.

I looked at the man before me.

Just how much does he know?

To be frank, the only thing I know for sure is that I’m not [Chris]. That was clear from what he said when we met here before.

But what’s this ‘swamp man’?

No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t figure out what that was.

“…Just what the h.e.l.l do you mean by ‘swamp man’?”

After coming up empty, I ended up asking Lucien.

He grinned widely as though he’d been waiting for me to ask. It wasn’t the careless smile he’d worn until now, but something truly loathsome.

For a moment, I regretted asking, but it was already too late.

Besides, I knew that even if I didn’t ask, this man would have talked about it anyway. My faith in that was already close to conviction.

“I’ll say this first. I know your true ident.i.ty. Moreover, I’ll tell you this: The body that you’re searching for is already in my possession.”

Lucien spoke with genuine enjoyment. He was smiling like he couldn’t hold it in even if he wanted to.

It was completely different from what I was asking about, but in a way, he did answer another question I’d had.

So, Lucien knew about me after all. And my body was already in his hands.

“Do you want to return to your original body?”

‘Of course I do.’

His whispered question seemed to pierce right through to my innermost thoughts, and I… couldn’t bring myself to give him the obvious reply immediately.

I want to return. That’s a given. I’ve been living like this for the sake of returning.

To leave this body and return to being a man.

That was my wish.

But — that would bring an end to everything.

If I do that, then I’ll never see Leon again, for sure.

And what would happen to [Chris]? Would she get it back — this body, Tetra’s would-be vessel?

— Probably… not.

If that happened, how would Leon feel?

Wouldn’t he be losing [Chris] a second time?

Wait, that’s not it! What — What do I — !?

What do I want to do?

I want to see Leon. But I can’t afford to do that. If it’s possible for me to return to my original body right now, then I should. But I —

For Leon, I —

But I have to return!

For my sake, for Leon’s, I have to go!

“Of — of course I want to go back to my old body!”

I shouted, my thoughts in turmoil.

I’ve always wished for this. So rejecting it now, I might as well be rejecting myself.

That’s why I have to return. That’s what’s right!

“Mm, then I’ll return the body to you.”

Seemingly satisfied by the reply I shouted from amidst my internal discord, Lucien nodded, then snapped his fingers.

The gesture left me dumbfounded.

Am I really going back? Though I answered in such unambiguous terms, my heart was nonetheless shaken to the point where even I doubted myself.

From behind me echoed the steady sound of footsteps. Little by little, they grew louder.

“Ah, that’s right. I never answered your earlier question.”

As I was about to turn around, I heard Lucien’s voice again.

What does he want to say now? My attention almost completely focused on the movement behind me, his words went in one ear and out the other. I turned to look behind me.

“I suppose you haven’t heard of the swamp man? Lightning strikes a man next to a swamp, and he dies. But, through the power of the lightning, a man springs forth from the swamp. The man is dead. Then, what about the man who was just born? What if, for argument’s sake, his memories, everything about him, are the same as the dead man’s? He will surely live on under the misconception that he is the dead man. And no doubt the world around him will think the same. But the new man and the dead are two distinct existences.”

I had no idea what he was going on about. I paid no attention to the sound of his voice in my ears.

— Coming towards me was the mystery man Palmira and I had pursued the night of the ball.

I shuddered, feeling gooseb.u.mps break out all over my skin. My instincts were on full alert.

How could I have missed it?

That distinct red hair. That build, those eyes. That bearing. Of course I would feel uneasy.

–

–

Because it was [me].

–

–

“What is it this time, Prince Lucien? You certainly have extremely perverse hobbies,”

[I] said. In my voice, while looking at me.

“Ah… Aaah…”

The reality before my eyes sent tremors through my body.

Maybe I should say something.

But my voice wouldn’t come out. I didn’t even know what I was supposed to think.

The chains above my head made a rattling sound. If not for them, I would have fallen on my backside right then and there.

There was no strength in my legs, in my body.

“Yo, Chris. I want you to tell me your name. Your real name, the one you used when we made the contract.”

Stop. Stop it. Don’t go any further.

“…? Christopher Carson?”

[I] answered, giving me a dubious look as I stared, shaking.

The breath caught in my throat.

Then… Then who exactly am I?

If the [me] in front of me is Chris, then who the h.e.l.l is the me right here?

“O–Oi, is that girl okay?”

[I] approached me.

Stop. Don’t come over here.

My heartbeat sped up. It hurt to breathe.

[I] drew closer to me.

“You’re seriously sweating a lot. Are you okay?”

That hand — [my] hand — came toward me.

Please stop. Don’t come any closer. Don’t touch me.