Chapter 53 (2/2)
On the other hand, my emotions were boiling up, smas.h.i.+ng those thoughts to pieces.
Betrayed.
Betrayed again.
I was betrayed again.
A grief sliced through me, engulfing my heart.
The tears overflowed without end. I hate it. I hate it —
“Chris!”
” — Don’t touch me — !”
As he drew closer, Leon reached his hand out to me. The motion completely unconscious, my hands batted it aside.
“?!”
He was close to me, so I could tell, even through my blurry eyes. Leon’s face was steeped in shock.
I did that. Personally. Intense guilt a.s.saulted my heart. Why? Why am I doing something like this?
There’s something inside me.
Something that definitely isn’t me.
I flashed back to Lucien’s face. But that wasn’t the face I saw earlier.
Leon’s face surfaced in my mind.
And it wasn’t the one I saw before me now.
Betrayed! Betrayed! Betrayed betrayed betrayed I was betrayed.
“THAT’S WRONG!!!!!!”
Like a hammer blow, I screamed back at the thing screaming inside me.
I — !
— haven’t been betrayed!
Frantic, I shook off the unfamiliar memories slowly but steadily encroaching upon my mind.
Don’t you enter my memories.
Don’t you interfere with my mind, my will.
“Chris!? What on earth is the matter!?”
Again, Leon reached his hands out to me.
He grabbed me by the shoulders. Startled, I trembled. Right in front of me was Leon’s serious face. I ground my teeth. An ugliness close to hatred rattled my body.
Help me. Leon. Help. I’m losing myself.
My voice wouldn’t come out. My body trembling, the tears tumbled down.
I hate hate hate hate — .
What the h.e.l.l? [Chris], what the h.e.l.l are you? How did you end up like this?
“AAHH–!”
At the edge of my vision, a blue flame burst into life. Quaking in fear, I screamed from the depths of my soul.
The blue flame burning against my will. I couldn’t control it myself at all. The thought repulsed me, but for the first time, I was genuinely afraid of my own body.
The powerful force that had even crushed Maddox.
It was trying to move of its own volition. In front of me, Leon still hadn’t noticed the danger. His expression desperate, he continued to call my name. I don’t want it. I fear it.
At this rate, Leon will — . I’ll — Leon — .
Against my will, the blue flames began to trace a circle before my eyes. Once, twice.
Standing my ground in the depths of despair, I grit my teeth, praying desperately, ‘Stop’ — a third time. It won’t stop!
“Ugghhh–!”
Mustering all my strength, I thrust Leon away.
I was supposed to have given it everything I had, but Leon and I only staggered a bit. Even so, I broke free of his hold. Stumbling a few steps back, I tripped over my feet and fell on my backside on the floor.
s.h.i.+t, Leon was coming over to me again. The fourth! I’m out of time. The circle’s starting to turn. Once it gets going, it’ll all be over.
So.
“Lord Leon!”
As I pulled it from my waist, Allie s.h.i.+elded Leon as I’d predicted, forcing him to fall back.
In my hands, I kept a tight grip on the black knife I received from Irene, holding it out in front of my chest. That’s right, if I do this, Allie will s.h.i.+eld Leon. Just like she did when Palmira tried to draw her sword.
But in that bit of time I bought myself, I didn’t even have time to catch my breath before the circle grew even further, to five rings.
I shook, my eyes widening. Last time, and the time before that, it had stopped at three, then four. I knew it instinctively — an even greater destructive force was on the verge of manifesting.
The protective Allie, not to mention Leon, and the two immediately to my side, Aira and Palmira — all of them were already in danger. It wouldn’t be strange if the damage inflicted ended up greater than before. The sixth! The circle grew larger and larger.
“Ugh–…UUU–!”
The scene before me completely crushed my heart. All I could do was tremble.
I had a premonition that once this was released, I would only feel a deep regret.
I didn’t have the leeway to look after Palmira. Aira. I wanted to protect Leon at least, even if it were just him alone. But what should I do? How can I —
“Chris!”
Leon pushed Allie aside. Dropping to one knee, he approached me again. In the dead center of the circle, which had finally reached its seventh ring. His expression was frantic. Worrying like that for me —
“Ugh–, Le–o–nn—-!!”
My tongue all tangled up, I fought to call out his name. My eyes dropped to the knife. I had no time to hesitate.
I’m — an idiot. But, Leon. Aira. Palmira.
For the sake of protecting everything I wanted to protect, I couldn’t think of anything else.
I turned the point of the knife toward myself and plunged it into my chest.
At that moment, with a conspicuously loud crack, I felt something burst open. I sensed something from my entire body gathering at the point where the knife penetrated me, buried up to its hilt. And at the same time, all my strength rapidly bled out of me, withering away.
“Chris — !”
Leon’s eyes widened in shock.
Ah, so he can make that kind of expression too.
The hatred in my heart vanished, as did the circular pattern. A sense of relief enfolded me. In exchange, my vision began to fade to black. Leon’s face, which should have been in front of me, disappeared from sight.
It was frightening. And suffocating. But even so, I was satisfied that I could protect myself, and Leon too.
Smiling, I let my hands fall away from the hilt of the knife. I mustered my failing strength to reach out in front of me. In my last moments, I wanted to touch Leon.
“Chris!!!”
Before my hand could make contact, my consciousness flickered out.
Footnotes
1. 自分の中の冷静な部分が、その感情の反転に悲鳴のような懐疑を向ける ↵
<script>