Chapter 25 (2/2)

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I didn’t turn around to ask.

If I turned around and he wasn’t there, I’d be pretty embarra.s.sed. But I was confident that the presence behind me was Leon’s. No rhyme or reason to it.

” — Aren’t you Chris?”

After a few seconds’ silence, I heard Leon’s voice come from behind me — matter-of-fact, without his usual humor.

That was too obvious an answer.

Yeah, I was Chris. But I was [Chris], too.

“Having fun playing word games, Leon?”

“That wasn’t my intention.”

With the sound of footsteps, the presence behind me grew larger, and he fell into line beside me. He placed his hand on my shoulder.

His behavior made me uncomfortable.

Apart from the time I snapped and attacked him, Leon had never once taken the initiative to touch me. He was very much grounded in the gentleman’s, or knight’s, code of conduct, so I thought of it as part of his character.

Strange as I found it, I didn’t brush him off. Because I could feel a slight s.h.i.+ver from the hand he had on my shoulder.

So it wasn’t that I was asking if there was something wrong. It was just that matters concerning him were weighing heavily on my mind, so I decided to tolerate it.3

Hmph, I snorted, and stared into s.p.a.ce. Leon did the same.

Somehow, I knew even without looking.

“……”

Time pa.s.sed without a word.

At times, Leon drew in his breath to say something, then shut up again.

Though I was naturally suspicious of Leon’s unusual behavior, I didn’t say anything either, just looked up at the stars with him.

Somewhere in my heart, I wanted to do so, and there was something comfortable about following those feelings.

“…Mind telling me sometime soon?”

Difficult as it was, I shook myself free of that impulse and spoke with deliberate brusqueness.

As if those words had brought him back to his senses, Leon removed his hand from my shoulder.

“I suppose…”

Leon seemed to be considering something as he lightly shook his head.

Concealing that fearful vulnerability was all it took to restore his original att.i.tude. Something about it made me feel lonely, but I ignored it as best I could and looked up at Leon.

“I’m fine with telling you, but it will prove troublesome, you know?”

Leon’s old smile was back on his lips.

It was like he’d thrown a switch. In that case, there was hope.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I said before that she’s [dead, but hasn’t died]. Ordinarily, that would be impossible, but it is possible for the world I’m in. In other words, if you come to know more than this, you’ll be putting one foot in that world… That’s what I mean.”

Cleverly said. At the same time, I thought it certainly did seem like trouble.

What Leon was saying, in other words, was that I wanted to talk about confidential matters regarding the n.o.bility, or possibly the nation itself.

Sure, there were things in this world better left unknown. Knowledge, in the hands of those unqualified to possess it, had occasionally strangled the careless.

On the flip side, [Chris] was a person who was better left unknown.

But still.

“I… should have the right to know.”

It was long past overdue.

I was sure this business with [Chris] wasn’t something people should know. Ordinary people, that is. I had no doubt that if I were simply an adventurer, I would be better off dropping it on the spot.

But now, I was [Chris].

I wanted to know about myself. Who had any greater right?

“True, you may have the qualifications. However — ”

Grinning widely, Leon seemed to be enjoying himself as he went on.

“I have no obligation to tell you.”

“What the h.e.l.l did you just say!”

He really seemed to be having fun. That very fact infuriated me, and I advanced on him.

His tone was cheery, his words could only be described as ‘d.i.c.kish’, and there was no way in h.e.l.l I’d let him get away with it.

4 At the crucial moment, he shut his mouth out of some bulls.h.i.+t reason.

Thoroughly p.i.s.sed me off, I moved to grab him. I reached out for his chest.

“…I’m sorry.”

His voice spilled from his mouth.

And for a moment, it distracted me. In the next, I found myself caught in Leon’s grip.

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“Wh–What’re you…”

This was too much; my thoughts couldn’t keep up. What is this? What’s he doing to me?

I looked up at Leon, but with the moon directly at his back, I couldn’t see his expression.

What does he want to do, no, what’s wrong with him? More than angry or embarra.s.sed, I was confused by his bizarre behavior.

“Let’s — move on to negotiations here.”

Leon said, his voice devoid of emotions, his arms still restraining me.

Those were the same words he said back then, when he asked me to become a slave. He knowingly used the exact same words. Exactly the words calculated to push me away.

It was a contradiction. Deliberately driving me away with his words, it felt like he was trying to preserve his balance.

Having slipped so far from control, he was protecting himself.

For the first time, I feared Leon.

He was on the very edge.

If he fell on this side, what would become of me?5

I should push him away right here, right now.

But, for some reason… for some reason, I also felt like I couldn’t do that to him. He seemed so frail.

I was contradicting myself, too. Filled with emotions I neither expected nor wanted, I bit my lower lip.

“I’ve made this request before, but… I want you to act as a subst.i.tute.”

‘Subst.i.tute’. For a moment, I was confused. Before I could ask myself what the h.e.l.l he was talking about, I remembered the talk about the sham marriage.

I thought that was just a lead-in to something else, but apparently not.

Even so, ‘subst.i.tute’. Deliberately, ‘subst.i.tute’.

Compared to that day, when he just came right out and said, ‘Please marry me’, it felt awfully half-a.s.sed.

“If you accept, I’ll tell you about her.”

What he called a negotiation, his tone made it sound like a plea. The words belonged the usual Leon. But like an actor who couldn’t get into character, his emotions faded in and out as he spoke.

“Will you — accept?”

In the end, just a little, even his voice trembled.

—-!

Suppressing the emotions seething within me, I struggled to break free of Leon’s arms.

I wrenched myself free with unexpected ease and immediately put some distance between us.

“~~~~~~!!!!!”

I opened my mouth to shout at him… When the words wouldn’t come, I shut it, trembling all over.

Rage. That was rage, without a doubt.

But unable to figure out just what made me so angry, I kicked at the ground. The rocks on the riverbank scattered, clacking more loudly than I expected.

” — Alright already!”

Even I didn’t know what I was saying.

But I yelled, a confusion of emotion.

“…Eh?”

“I said ‘alright already’! That subst.i.tute thing!”

I swung my arm down to point at Leon. Taking a deep breath, I spat out,

“I’ll be your G.o.dd.a.m.n subst.i.tute!”

I felt like there was more to be said.

Like ‘Protect me from this world of n.o.bles I don’t really understand’.

‘While that’s going on, take care of Aira and Palmira’.

No, more importantly, ‘teach me properly’.

And yet, that was what I emphasized.

When it came to myself, I didn’t know what was what anymore.

“I’m going to sleep!”

Right now, I didn’t want to see Leon’s face.

I immediately turned on my heel and climbed up the riverbank, leaving him behind.

There was no way I’d look back.

I knew that if I did, no matter what expression he had, I wouldn’t be able to keep a lid on my emotions.

Author’s Notes

It took three days.

People who update every day are really amazing.

Footnotes

1. What’s that “ni” for? アイラにはちょっとヘビーだったんじゃ無いかと思う ↵

2. “you de” is throwing me off here: 彼女の事を知ってるようで、俺は何も知らない ↵

3. “ni s.h.i.+te omou”…? よほど何かレオンにして思う事があるのだろう ↵

4. No clue: 教えるだけ教え ↵

5. もし、それがこちら側に倒れた場合、俺はどうなってしまうのだろう ↵

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