Chapter 19 (1/2)

| | 20: A Far Too Dangerous Proposition

Raws:

I was eight when I knew.

It seemed I had a talent for magic.

I found out when my parents let me take the apt.i.tude test as a joke.

Sure, why not.

I spent a week taking the apt.i.tude test with that att.i.tude. Then, the results shocked all the grown-ups around me.

Endowed with all six attunements.

Of course, I didn’t know what those words meant.

I didn’t, but from the reactions of the grown-ups, I knew that it was amazing.

After that, the world around me became hectic.

A magus? I —

I —

I didn’t want to become something like that.

I loved pa.s.sing my days in laughter at the mansion with Mother and Father.

I wanted to be with Big Brother forever. I wanted to play more.

I wanted to always see the view from the top of that elm tree.

I didn’t want to be a magus.

Father, Mother, and everyone else. With expectant eyes, expectant words, they pushed me forward.

I didn’t want this kind of power.

I —

I —

–

–

Magic, huh…?

As I woke up from the dream, I remembered.

I sighed. I’d already gotten used to having this dream.

Unconcerned with the contents, I started to organize the new information I’d gleaned as I lay in bed.

Magic.

The invocation stone absorbed into my hand. The design that appeared, glowing blue. And the power that made an utter wreck of Guibenague’s torture chamber.

It could only be magic. Nothing else could explain it.

In short, I could use magic.

And it was most certainly one of the secrets of this body. Of course, I didn’t take the apt.i.tude test when I was a man. But no matter how I tried, I couldn’t imagine that I’d had this ability back then. I’d just be deluding myself.

In other words, when I turned into a woman, I got the ability to use magic.

But that was strange too.

It didn’t match what Irene said, that magical talent was an inborn trait.

…Although.

A body that turned female because of ancient medicine. I couldn’t say for sure, but that should be unprecedented too.

If so, maybe I was also the only person in the world to acquire magical ability.

Of course, it was because of the dream that I was remembering all this.

Those dreams were becoming more and more unsettling to me.

The dreams I had before were still an everyday kind of thing, sorting out the information in my head. Live long enough, and you’ve probably had a similar experience. Even if it wasn’t direct knowledge, it could be a fusion of overlapping experiences.

But by this point, my dreams had already crossed that line.

The week-long apt.i.tude test.

A magical talent with six attunements.

That story, that information — of course none of it was mine. Even Irene had never heard of such things.

If so, then where in the world did these dreams come from?

Or rather, who exactly was [I] in the dream?

This body. It wouldn’t take injury, it hardly tired. It could use a magic acquired after birth.

And inside it, there were the memories of another life.

Until now, I had been under the impression that it was all a product of having [a body that turned female by ancient medicine]. These two things were shaking my faith in that simple explanation.

Even now, in the extremes of my heart, I would touch upon those speculations. Each time, I would put off drawing my conclusions.

Because quite simply, it frightened me.

‘It was the effect of the ancient medicine.’ That explanation was easy to understand, you see.

It was because it was easy to understand that I could accept it without too much trouble. The difficulty aside, if I drank something else and dispelled the effects of those potions, wouldn’t I return to normal? It was vague, sure, but I could imagine it.

a.s.suming I had a ray of hope, being able to see a path to the solution was critical.

But what if it wasn’t the effect of the medicine?

Then why the h.e.l.l did I end up with this body?

And how can I return to normal?

I’d be all the way back at square one.

What I don’t know only serves to frighten me. Especially if I ever forget myself.

“…Hkk–”

I felt defeated. A few tears trickled from the corner of my eye. Even I was surprised by that. Not trying to fool anyone, I buried my face in the pillow.

It’s useless. These thoughts are useless.

“…Are you crying?”

“!!!!!!!!!!”

I wasn’t expecting to words to come from the side. I jumped out of bed, tumbling all the way to the end as I fled.

And with the blanket still covering me, I took a defensive posture for good measure.

There was no need to check. It was Leon.

Leon had come almost every day, but naturally, I thought he wouldn’t today. So I let down my guard, and now here we are.

It was also a bit careless of me to think there was no one around.

Even so, what’s wrong with this guy? Alright, I’ll concede to his presence in my room1, but in that case, what the h.e.l.l was that yesterday?

I lowered the blanket just a fraction to check his face.

His expression was subtly tinged with worry. The moment our eyes met, it became a calm smile, with a hint of wryness. It was his usual irritating self.

My gaze caught, I reluctantly poked my head out from the blanket and faced him. Then, I pinned him with the nastiest glare I could muster.

“…Hey, you. What the h.e.l.l were you doing yesterday?”

I was long past giving a d.a.m.n, even about swearing to his face.

— Wait, no. I didn’t have any intention of asking that.

I only noticed after the words were out of my mouth, but didn’t that make it look like I was crying out of anxiety over yesterday’s business?

…Because he already knew I was a guy, this situation was looking pretty d.a.m.n bad. Especially for my mental well-being.

“I had… something to think about.”

Leon’s response ran contrary to my worried expectations. I didn’t know if he noticed them or not, but he calmly adopted a thoughtful demeanor.

“What were you thinking so much about?”

After asking that question almost reflexively, I realized that I’d allowed myself be caught up in Leon’s pace. If I asked, I had to listen.

How would the conversation go from there?

“Just you.”

So we were going there after all. 2

Though I thought expected as much, the problem was the content. If a man, or possibly a woman, thought of nothing but a member of the opposite s.e.x, it was typically that sort of thing.

…But it wasn’t that kind of conversation.

“Pretty calm, aren’t you. So, the verdict?”

When I thought about it, there was a high possibility that Leon knew various things about my abnormal condition by this point.

That night, he probably saw the mysterious glowing circle manifest.