Part 102 (1/2)

She started to agree, then found that answer unclear as well. ”No,

because of me.” She drew away, and pulling on a robe, got out of bed. ”I

can't let go, you see. I thought I had, I've wanted to, but I can't.”

She turned back, her face in shadows, her voice clear and filled with

regrets. ”Being with you is the best thing to happen to me in a long,

long time. It's made me feel happy again. And it's made me see things

clearly for the first time in years.”

”You're still in love with him.”

”Yes. I think I could live with that, I think I could accept that

somehow and go on, with you, with someone. But I'm the one who drove

him away, you see.”

”What are you talking about?”

”Didn't he ever tell you?” She smiled a little as she sat on the edge

of the bed. It was easy to talk to him like this, to think of him as

friend now, rather than lover. ”No, I suppose he wouldn't speak of it.

Not even to You. After Darren was killed, I cut Brian out of my life. I

punished him, P.M., and Emma. I hurt Brian when he needed me most,

blaming him because I was too afraid to blame myself”

”For G.o.d's sake, Bev, neither of you was to blame.”

”I've never been sure of that. I wouldn't let him grieve with me. And

when he was suffering, when we both were suffering, I turned him away.

He didn't leave me, P.M. I left him. And poor little Emma. In our way,

I suppose we both abandoned her. Seeing you again, being with you, has

made me realize just what I did. To all of us. You deserve better than

a woman who didn't love enough, and who'll always regret it.”

”I could make you happy, Bev.”