Part 28 (2/2)

Yeah, right.

Lucky we're keeping emotions out of this relations.h.i.+p.

Keep telling yourself that.

Lucky there's no risk of losing my heart again.

She's already in there, man.

Nat's face falls. She opens her mouth to speak, but closes it quickly. She takes a moment then tries again. When she speaks, it's quiet and cautious. ”The last real boyfriend Helena had was senior year, and he hurt her, Max. He hurt her in a way that she was scared off dating.” Hearing some douche hurt Helena makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. ”'Til now. She really likes you, Max. She might deny how much she does, but I can see it. She likes you a lot.” She breathes deep then replies on a whispered exhale, ”Please don't hurt her.”

Hurt her? Why can't anyone see it? She has the power to hurt me. And she will, when she's had enough of me. And even knowing that, I can't let her go. I'll be around for as long as she wants me. Helena can't love a guy like me.

Who wants a person with half a heart?

I wrap my hand around Nat and hug her. ”I won't hurt her. I promise.”

Smiling softly as she pulls away, she utters, ”That's all I ask.” She straightens. ”Right. I have to get to work, but I'll see you all later.”

She kisses Ash on the mouth, and kisses my cheek then Nik's as she leaves.

Ash turns to me. ”I swear to G.o.d, man. I love that woman more than my own life, and she loves Helena more than her own. You hurt her,” he looks me in the eye to show me how serious he is, ”I will f.u.c.k you up.”

Without a backward glance, he leaves me office, and I call out, ”Noted.”

Nik stands by the door, leaning against the frame. ”Gotta admit I was surprised about Helena, but not that surprised.”

Huh? ”What do you mean?”

He tilts his head, brows raised. ”She's gorgeous, she's funny, she's got experience working with kids like Ceecee, and she's got a good heart.” My heart clenches painfully when he adds, ”She's everything you deserve and more.” He stands, then shrugs lightly. ”So tell me why you're scared.”

My brother. He sees all.

I sit on the edge of my desk, thinking about my answer. ”I'm not scared.”

Nik walks over to my desk and sits by my side. He nods lightly. ”You're scared.” I don't know what to say, because he's right. I am scared. The silence lasts only a moment before Nik utters, ”Remember how miserable I was before Tina came along?”

Before Tina came along, Nik was a moody b.a.s.t.a.r.d who only used women for s.e.x. But Tina didn't want s.e.x. She wanted friends.h.i.+p. Up until then, Nik had never had a friend who also happened to be a girl. We gave him s.h.i.+t about it, but I'm grateful for Tina. She gave Nik something I never thought I'd see in my life. She gave him a reason to live. ”Yeah, I remember.”

He nudges my shoulder with his. ”Don't you want something like we have? Because you can have it. You've got a woman who could give you that, and she's right in front of you.”

My throat thickens with emotion, and I hate myself for showing weakness. I dip my chin and whisper a strained, ”I can't do it again, Nik.”

He a.s.sures adamantly, ”Yes, you can. A woman like that won't let you down. A woman like that will catch you if you happen to fall. A woman like Helena is hard to find, but easy to keep if you treat her well.” He pauses a moment before stating, ”She isn't Maddy.”

I mutter, ”Yeah, well I thought Maddy was all those things you just said, so I guess I'm not the best judge of character.”

A sound of aggravation escapes him. ”Dude, I know you don't remember things the way I do, so here it goes. I'm laying it out there, whether you want to hear it or not.” He slides off the desk to stand in front of me. ”Maddy was a whiny b.i.t.c.h. She always was.”

My head snaps up in shock. ”What?”

Nik sighs. ”I know when you're in love you see the best in a person, but I wasn't in love with her. f.u.c.k, I barely liked her on the best of days. So I'm going to tell you, now after thirteen years, why Maddy was never good enough for you.” Sitting there in shock, all I can do is listen as he starts, ”When you first told me you were in love, I was rooting for you. I mean, it's not every day a young man comes to his brother to tell him he's met the one. I spent all night talking to you, telling you to bring her over so we could meet her. I remember how excited you were about it. The next day, you came home looking like someone s.h.i.+t in your cereal, because Maddy wasn't ready to tell people about you.” He looks down into my eyes. ”That was her first strike. She acted like she was ashamed of you.”

My brows furrow. ”It wasn't like that. She wanted to make sure I was into her before she told her parents about us.”

Nik rolls his eyes. ”Oh yeah? What was stopping her from telling her friends? f.u.c.k knows you would've told everyone about her if she hadn't told you not to. I mean, c'mon. You spoke on the phone for months and declared your love for her on hundreds of occasions.”

I never saw it like that. ”Well, I guess. It was a long time ago.”

He holds up a hand. ”Secondly, when you guys were dating and she'd come to mom's, she'd always make a point to explain how she couldn't eat there because she'd already eaten, and she did this knowing mom would be cooking. She was rude like that. So she'd sit there like an a.s.shole watching everyone eat, and then complain to you about needing to get home, when really, she just didn't want to be around us. She didn't like us, and you'd always stick up for her.”

I shake my head. ”It's not that she didn't like you guys; it's just that her family was different from ours, you know? They weren't loud like we are. They were proper folk.”

Nik's mouth gapes before he booms, ”You're still sticking up for her!”

I wince as soon as I realize I totally am. ”Sorry, bro. I guess old habits die hard.”

His face turns soft. ”The last thing I remember, and I'll never forgive her for this, was when she got pregnant...” his eyes close sadly, ”...and she blamed you for it. She told you that you were trying to trap her, to keep her from leaving you, and that you never wanted her to go to college. She hated you for it. She resented you. But you were so d.a.m.n in love with her, you couldn't see through the suns.h.i.+ne s.h.i.+ning out of her a.s.s.”

I remain quiet. Everything he just said is true. She did blame me for getting her pregnant. She blamed me for missing her pill. She didn't want Ceecee. She never did.

Nik utters softly, ”I'm sorry, bro, but that's the truth.” He places a hand on my shoulder in a brotherly gesture of support. ”According to Maddy, you were never good enough for her.” He squeezes my shoulder then walks out, closing the door behind him.

I don't react for a long time. A long minute pa.s.ses before I reach across the table with a shaking hand and pick up my coffee mug. I grit my teeth and grip it tight before hurling it across the room. I watch as it hits the wall, smas.h.i.+ng into pieces and splattering coffee across the white surface.

Breathing hard, my body shakes with uncontrollable rage.

Panting, I whisper a shaky, ”I hate you, Maddy.”

Helena My body itches. I scratch absently at my chest as my leg bounces under the desk. I'm having withdrawals. Reaching across the table, I pick up my cell and type quickly.

Me: Excuse me, oh bringer of many an o.r.g.a.s.m, you need to call Icing on the Cake and have me UNBANNED! I need cupcakes...stat!

His response comes immediately.

Max: Cupcake, I thought I was all the sugar you needed.

I can't help but snicker. The a.s.s.

Me: Although you are magically delicious, this is not a joke. I'm having withdrawals. I'm itchy and red, and I'm grouchy. You don't want me to be grouchy to my clients, do you?

A minute later, my phone pings.

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