Part 19 (1/2)

The guests should call on the hostess within a week or ten days after a dinner-party. If ”not at home,” a married lady should leave one of her own cards and two of her husband's; a widow should leave one of her own cards; a bachelor or a widower should leave two cards.

The rule as to calling after dinner-parties is greatly relaxed between intimate friends, and the call often omitted altogether; and this more particularly as regards gentlemen, whose occupations during the day are considered good and sufficient reasons for not calling.

=Country Dinner-Parties.=--In the country, new acquaintances, if neighbours, should be asked to dinner within a month of the first call if possible, and the return invitation should be given within the following month.

When guests are a.s.sembled at a country house, they are sent in to dinner, on the first evening, according to their individual precedence; but on subsequent evenings the gentlemen frequently draw lots to decide which lady they shall have the pleasure of taking in to dinner, otherwise a lady and gentleman would go in to dinner together five or six consecutive times, according to the length of the visit, but this is more a practice with people who march with the times, than with what are termed ”old-fas.h.i.+oned people.”

When a party is varied by additional dinner-guests each evening, drawing lots gives way to precedency, it being too familiar a practice to be adopted at a large dinner-party.

=Saying Grace=, both before and after dinner, is a matter of feeling rather than of etiquette. It used to be very much the custom to say ”grace,” but of late years it is oftener omitted than not, especially at large dinner-parties in town.

In the country, when a clergyman is present, he should be asked to say grace. When grace is said by the host, it is said in a low voice, and in a very few words; the guests inclining their heads the while.

It was no rapid revolutionary change in manners that brought about the difference that now exists between the Elizabethan and present eras; no polished mentor came forward to teach that it was not the nicest and cleanest thing to do, to put knives into the salt, to dip fingers into plates, or to spread b.u.t.ter with the thumb; on the contrary, these things righted themselves little by little, step by step, until the present code of manners was arrived at. But it is quite possible that a hundred years hence it will be discovered that the manners of the present century offered wide scope for improvement.

In the meantime these rules of etiquette observed in society are adhered to and followed by those who do not wish to appear singular, eccentric, old-fas.h.i.+oned, unconventional, or any other adjective that the temper of their judges may induce them to apply to them for committing solecisms, either small or great.

=Married Ladies, as a rule, dine out with their Husbands=, and do not accept invitations to large dinners when their husbands are unable to accompany them. There are, of course, exceptions to this rule, and circ.u.mstances sometimes arise when it is greatly relaxed; but even in this case it would be in favour of small and friendly dinners rather than large ones.

During any temporary absence of her husband, a lady would accept invitations to dine with her relatives and intimate friends, though she might refuse invitations to large dinners given by acquaintances; but, as a rule, when it is well known that the head of a house is away for any length of time, invitations are seldom sent to the wife by givers of large dinners.

When young ladies are invited to dinner they accompany their father, mother or brother; but occasionally, when a young ladies' party is given by a friend of their parents', the young ladies are invited alone, and they should either go with their maid in a cab or by themselves in their father's carriage.

FOOTNOTES:

[3] Respecting the arrangement of the dinner table for dessert, see the work ent.i.tled ”Waiting at Table.”

[4] See the work ent.i.tled ”Waiting at Table.”

CHAPTER XIV

DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE

Fas.h.i.+on has its freaks and its vagaries, and in relation to inanimate objects these freaks and vagaries are but transitory and evanescent, but when they touch upon manners and modes they become a conventionality and a custom perhaps for many a year. Changes and innovations, slight as they are, are more subtle than sudden, and, paradoxical as it may seem, they are as important as they are insignificant; still it is difficult to believe that fingers once did duty for forks, and that it was not customary for a host to supply his guests with forks, who, if fastidious enough to require them, were expected to bring them in their pockets.

There are here and there people in society who affect a few eccentricities of manner, but these whims at all times take the form of originalities and not of vulgarities; and even then are only indulged in by those whose position in society is secure.

=As regards Dinner-table Etiquette.=--When a lady has taken her seat at the dinner-table, she should at once remove her gloves; although occasionally long elbow gloves are not removed during dinner, but this is conspicuous and inconvenient. She should unfold her serviette and place it on her lap. It is immaterial whether she places the bread on the right or left-hand side of the cover when taking it from the serviette.

A gentleman should do the same with his serviette and bread, placing the one across his knees, and the other at his right or left hand.

When a lady is some little time taking off her gloves, she should remove her serviette before doing so: otherwise a servant would offer her soup before she had made room for the soup-plate by removing the serviette, and she should decide quickly as to which of the two soups handed to her she will take, so as not to keep the servant waiting; and so on through every course throughout the dinner as regards fish, meat, etc.

=The guests should consult the menu= on first sitting down to dinner.