Part 4 (1/2)
You nod. ”That was safe. I was always a stickler for safety.”
Just about then your real estate agent laughs at something and hangs up the phone. She rises from the seat behind her desk, and you are struck by the suede and fur, burgundy-colored boots she is wearing, and how they haven't any heels at all: This really is a woman who knows how to navigate her way through a White Mountain winter.
”Chip, how are you?” she says, smiling, her eyes that beautiful, disturbing cobalt blue you noticed the first time you met and you think of whenever you think of her. Reseda is tall and trim, a slight ski jump to her nose, and her cheekbones are almost as prominent as her eyes. Her hair is darker than the chest-high wrought-iron fence that surrounds the cemetery at the edge of the village. She takes one of your hands in both of hers, and you always have the sense around her that, if you were in a big city, she would be the type who would want you to greet her with polite air kisses on both of her cheeks. Her palms are dry and cold, and yet the sensation, the touch, makes you a little warm.
”We're settling in well, I think,” you begin. You describe your breakfasts with the view of Mount Lafayette from the kitchen and skiing periodically the past couple of weeks at the nearby resort. You make a small joke-and the joke does seem to you to be woefully inadequate-about the numbers of boxes you have unpacked and yet the numbers that remain. You wonder as you listen to the sound of your voice-a voice that once inspired confidence at thirty-five thousand feet-whether you are capable of asking the questions that have brought you here. They seem ridiculous now. Absolutely ridiculous. But, finally, you start: ”You ever notice that door?”
She angles her head slightly, justifiably confused. The world has a lot of doors. Your house alone has twenty-seven (yes, you have counted), and that doesn't include the closets and the cupboards and the pantry. ”What door?”
”There is a door in the bas.e.m.e.nt. It-”
And then there it is, that slight smile and sympathetic nod you have seen so often from people since August 11, and she is cutting you off. You are now in everyone's eyes an emotional invalid. They need to be ... gentle ... around you. ”Oh, Anise told me you were asking about that,” she is saying. ”The coal chute.”
And you realize that once more they have been talking about you. Anise has told Reseda that you were nonplussed by a ... coal chute.
”I must confess,” she continues, ”I never did notice it. But then I rarely showed that house. Still, it must be a guy thing. I never heard other agents mention it. I guess women notice how much light a kitchen gets in the afternoon and men notice the coal chute in the bas.e.m.e.nt. But sit down and tell me. What about it?”
You sit in the chair opposite her desk, and it feels good, if only because you have been working very, very hard sc.r.a.ping wallpaper and Reseda is indeed lovely to look at. The chair is leather and the smell is vaguely reminiscent of the aroma of the seat on the flight deck: human and animal all at once.
”I just can't imagine why someone would have sealed the door shut in such an enthusiastic fas.h.i.+on,” you begin, careful to smile back both because Emily has told you that you have a handsome smile and because you don't want to sound like any more of a lunatic than you already must.
She shrugs. ”Hewitt Dunmore is a bit of an odd duck,” she says simply, referring to the previous owner.
”So you think he was the one who closed it up?”
”Oh, I don't know. I don't know him well. Anise does. She knew his parents and his brother, too. Maybe his father was the one who sealed it up. You know, that's actually more likely. I imagine it was years and years ago that they stopped heating with coal. It's LP gas now, correct?”
”It is. And there's also that woodstove.”
”I love that woodstove. Soapstone. Palladian windows on the doors, right?”
”Right. We've been so busy unpacking we've only started a fire in it a couple of times.”
”That must have been cozy,” she says, and there is something vaguely seductive in the sibilant way that she finishes her sentence. Those magnificent eyes widen just the tiniest bit.
”It's not really a cozy house.”
She sits upright behind her desk, that lovely oval of a face abruptly looking alarmed. But you're not at all sure that the alarm is genuine. She looks alarmed, and it is that same disingenuousness that marked the bad acting of so many of Emily's friends in Pennsylvania when they pretended to be actors in their community theater dramas and musicals. ”Oh, I hope you're not regretting the move already. We're all so happy to have you here. You and Emily and your beautiful twins.”
”No, not at all. It's a wonderful house. I didn't mean to suggest I had any regrets. I think Emily and I will be very comfortable there. I think the girls already are adjusting quite well. Especially Hallie. She loves that greenhouse.”
”That's important. Is she sleeping well? Are you all sleeping well?”
You recall Hallie's bad dream that first Sunday night. You recall a second she had more recently. You wonder simultaneously whether a couple of bad dreams would suggest your child is not sleeping well and why the real estate agent would ask such a thing in the first place. Has she heard something from someone? Did Emily mention something to another attorney in her firm who mentioned it to Reseda? Did Hallie tell her teacher in school, who, in turn, told this real estate agent? Is the town really that small? Is it possible that people really talk that much?
”We're all sleeping fine,” you respond, which is, more or less, the case with your daughters and your wife. A couple of nightmares, you decide firmly, does not const.i.tute sleeping badly. And while you yourself haven't slept well in six months, your nightmares and flashbacks are really none of her business. Besides, you don't want to appear any more damaged to Reseda than you already must.
”But right now you and Emily are only ... comfortable,” she murmurs, repeating one of the words that you used, and you detect a slight sniff of disappointment. No, not disappointment: disapproval.
”Sometimes, happy is asking a lot.” You say this with no particular stoicism in your tone; it's a glib throwaway.
”Oh, I hope that's not true. Personally, I don't think it is. I understand what you've been through. But I would like to believe that happiness is a perfectly reasonable expectation here.”
”Perhaps.”
”Have you taken the door off?” she asks, her eyes growing a little more probing, a little more intense.
”It would demand a lot of effort.”
”Have you talked to Hewitt?”
”About the door?”
She nods.
”Nope.”
”You should,” she says.
”Probably.”
”Or ...”
”Yes?” You realize for the first time that there is a scent in the office that is reminiscent of lavender. Burned lavender. As if it were incense. You have inhaled a small, lovely dollop of Reseda's perfume.
”You could ask Gerard up to the house and have him just rip that door down. That would be easier than removing all those bolts.”
You pause for just a moment before responding, because you don't believe you have mentioned the bolts. But then you get it: ”Anise must have told you about the bolts.”
And for just about the same amount of time that you paused, so does Reseda. Her face remains waxen, unmoving. Then: ”Yes. She did.”
”Who's Gerard?”
”Anise's son-and a very nice young man. A little quiet, a little intimidating even. He's a weight lifter. Belongs to the health club in Littleton. He will probably be the one haying your fields this summer. He's big and tall and very, very strong, and I'm sure he could rip that door right off its hinges.”
You contemplate this notion. The advantage is that you would learn what's behind the door pretty quickly. The disadvantage is that you would be in violation of an unspoken rural code: You are an able-bodied man and you are having another able-bodied man handle a household ch.o.r.e that you should be capable of managing on your own. You could take an ax to that door as well as this Gerard. You are not that old and infirm. And so you tell Reseda, ”Thank you. I think I can handle this one. Maybe I should just rip the door off myself.”
”Well, if you change your mind, his shoulders are pretty broad. He's pretty resourceful.”
”Good to know. Thank you.”
”Tell me: How is Emily enjoying Littleton? The second floor of a little brick building beside a bicycle shop and a bank must feel like a very big change from a top floor of a skysc.r.a.per in Philadelphia.”
Has Emily told Reseda this, too? Has she told her that her old firm dominated the twenty-fifth and twenty-sixth floors of a building on Chestnut Street? Or is this conjecture on the part of the real estate agent? ”It is a change,” you say, ”but she finds the pace very pleasant.”
”And I'm sure the drive in to work-the commute-is a lot more civilized.”