Part 16 (1/2)

ME: Last time I ate in a restaurant in Times Square, I got food poisoning. There was so much power in my diarrhea, it propelled me off the toilet seat like a torpedo taking out a submarine.

JAKE: l.m.f.a.o! We can go somewhere else.

ME: I know a place more authentic. Go to the subway on 42nd and take the One train to W 79th. ONE train. I'll meet you.

JAKE: One train. Got it.

Since my meeting had been held on the Upper West Side, I arrived at the intersection of West 79th and Broadway before he did. I waited at the top of the stairs where he would exit the subway. After a few trains' worth of people walked past me, I finally saw him. The fact that he had been able to navigate the subway system with only a little instruction sent sparks over to my dynamite stick. He didn't help matters any by smiling that smile that made me want to tear his clothes off right in the middle of the busy intersection. I waved and watched him walk up the stairs toward me.

If I had been a stranger watching the scene unfold, I would have wondered who that smile was for. I would have waited to see which one was ”that girl.” I would have wondered if she knew how lucky she was to be loved like that. Sometimes you can see love in a person's eyes and, in that moment, I saw it. It was hard to believe it was looking at me. It might not be there forever, but right now I was ”that girl.” I was the lucky one.

When he reached the top he hugged me, and it wasn't a friends-only hug either. He wrapped his arms around my lower back and pulled my whole body into his, and I let him. I knew that anyone who was looking at us was probably envious. To the outside, we probably looked like a perfect couple.

I took him to Zabar's for lunch.

”How did the meeting go?” he asked for the second time while we stood in line at the deli.

”I'll tell you about it when we sit down.”

It was crowded. The tables inside were already taken so we took our pastrami sandwiches outside and found a bench on the median.

”How'd the meeting go?” he asked for the third time.

I had just taken a huge bite of my sandwich so I pointed at my mouth to let him know I couldn't speak at the moment.

”You're doing this on purpose aren't you?” he asked.

I shook my head innocently and finally answered him when I stopped chewing.

”It went well. He was embarra.s.sed and apologetic and looked like a dog with his tail between his legs.”

”Good. So you got what you wanted then.” It wasn't a question, but a statement. I knew him better than to think he would be nosy and pry.

”Yeah,” I said. Truth was I could've gotten more. My lawyer wanted to push him and bring up the picture, but I was satisfied with their offer and didn't think it was necessary to embarra.s.s him any further. Being a trophy wife was fun while it lasted, but I didn't want to be the girl who lived her whole life off of her ex's money like a bad sitcom-in-syndication. I didn't want to be a cast member on any Ex-Housewives Who Took All His Money reality shows. I wanted to find a way to make my own money and take care of myself. My student loans were paid off during the marriage and now he was taking care of most of my credit card debt. He was also buying me out of the condo, which ended up being worth a little more than we thought.

Considering all that, plus two years of maintenance and health insurance and his offer to pay part of my schooling in the future, I would have been one greedy a.s.s b.i.t.c.h to pull that blackmail card out of my pocket.

”Does this mean it's officially over?” Jake asked.

”No,” I explained. ”Officially we have to wait for the judge to sign, but unofficially it's done with.”

”Good,” he said.

I was relieved the meeting was over and even more relieved that he'd offered so much without any issues. There had been no yelling, bitterness, or even a need for my trademark sarcasm. It was amicable. We both acted like adults. Even so, it didn't feel right to be jumping for joy over the end of my marriage. I knew reconciliation between us was impossible. I knew there was nothing I could have done to make things work (except maybe strapping on a you-know-what). And I truly believed I'd be happier and more fulfilled in the future than I'd been in the past. All this considered, though, there was still a part of me that felt like a failure, not just because of my marriage, but because of the time wasted.

When we were done eating we balled up all our garbage and I walked it over to the trash can on the corner. Jake looked at his phone to check the time.

”Are you ready to get our bags and get on the road?” he asked when I sat back down.

No! Never!

When I was a little girl, my parents went out with their friends every Friday night and left Adam and me with a babysitter some teenager who lived down the street. She was nice and all. She let us stay up late to watch the entire TGIF lineup on ABC and never made us eat veggies. But she wasn't my mom and dad, and every time they tried to leave I would fling myself onto one of my parents' legs and wrap my little arms around them and scream and cry and carry on like I was gunning for an Academy Award.

At the thought of leaving NYC, I felt like doing the same thing.

This is my home! Just sitting here in the suns.h.i.+ne watching the yellow cabs and buses go by, listening to the sirens and horns, the smell of my coffee mixed with the scent of hotdogs and sauerkraut coming from the vendor on the corner, the family of tourists on their way to the museum, the speed-walking business cla.s.s trying to grab a quick bite on their lunch breaks, the woman wearing a pin-striped suit with purple Chuck Taylor shoes it was all so New York. With Jake sitting right beside me, it was absolutely perfect.

I sighed and stood up. ”Yeah, I guess we have to.” I tried to disguise the disappointment in my voice, but I doubted Jake missed it. He never missed anything.

The drive home was never as fun as the drive there. He did most of the driving and I played with the music, just like last time. But the atmosphere wasn't the same.

When you begin a road trip there are so many possibilities and places to explore and get lost in. But when you have to go home and return to your normal not-on-vacation life, you can't expect everyone to be filled with cheer.

Even so, something wasn't quite right about us. Knowing that, though, didn't make me want to talk about it. I did a lot of fake sleeping to avoid conversation.

After a very long eight hours, we finally made it home and dropped our bags in the living room. Jake said he was tired and going straight to bed.

I yawned. ”Yeah. Me, too.”

”I don't know how you could be tired since you slept practically the whole way home.”

”Oh, well, you know,” I explained. ”It's like when you're super tired and you can't sleep except it's the opposite. I'm so not-tired that I can't stay awake.”

He gave me a sad smile and shook his head as though he didn't believe me. ”Whatever you say, Roxie. Goodnight.”

”Jake,” I said as he started to walk away.

He turned back around.

”Umm,” I began. Suddenly I felt shy and insecure. ”Thanks for coming with me. It was nice to have a friend there.”

He nodded slowly, like he was letting my words marinate for a minute. ”No problem,” he said and then paused before adding, ”friend.” The word sounded a bit harsh. ”Glad I could help.”

”Are you mad at me?” I asked. Ugh, I hate it when my insecurities speak without my permission. Jake seemed to have a bit of aggression in his voice, and he probably was mad at me, but I was supposed to be playing the-girl-who-doesn't-care. Blurting that out pretty much gave me away.

He shook his head slowly. ”No. I'm not mad at you. I'm confused. You clammed up, and you've been acting weird since yesterday.”

I understood what he was saying. He was right. I had been acting weird.

”I thought you were worried about the meeting,” he continued, ”but you said everything went well. Except you looked sad when you said it, so I don't know what that means.”

He was right again. I was sad. I was sad because I knew I had to move out. The reason I had moved in with Jake and Adam was because I didn't have enough money for my own place. That wasn't the case anymore, and it only made sense I would get out of their way. Except I didn't want to go to all the trouble of packing my things and loading a moving truck just to move a mile away. If I packed, I was going home to New York. It was the only thing I could do. It was the only thing that made sense to me. But how could I tell Jake without upsetting him?

I put a hand to my forehead and scrunched up my eyes. My head was killing me. ”It's just that a lot of things happened today in that meeting, and now there are things that will change and it's a lot to think about right now.”

”What happened?” he asked. ”Are you guys getting back together? Is that why you're acting weird?”