Part 12 (1/2)
I didn't hear anything else after that so I figured he'd gone downstairs. I stayed in my room packing, crying, sniffling, and texting Hope and Allison, who both said I should talk to him before I moved to another state.
Once I was all cried out and had a full set of luggage packed, I went into the bathroom to put some cold water on my eyes and apply some makeup so it wouldn't look like I'd been crying.
When I felt composed enough, I held my head high and went downstairs. I didn't know if Jake was around, but I was going to have to take my chances because I needed coffee even more after all of that crying.
The kitchen was empty score! I walked over to the Keurig and pushed the power b.u.t.ton. It whirred to life as I selected a K-cup of blueberry-flavored coffee from our carousel and stuck it in the machine. I thought I was in the clear, but as I was getting the coffee creamer from the fridge, Jake came in from the patio carrying his laptop under his arm.
I ignored him and continued with my coffee. He set the laptop on the island and flipped open the screen.
”It's not what you think,” he said quickly.
I stirred my coffee, still ignoring him. I looked up at the ceiling to avoid any tears from escaping. I still felt extra sensitive.
”I was just taking pictures,” he explained. ”She's engaged. She wanted to have some pictures taken to give to her husband on their wedding night. She wanted some pics taken in a kitchen and asked if we could do them here because she liked our bar stools and the gla.s.s cabinets.”
I put the creamer back in the fridge and avoided his eyes.
”Here, I have them on my laptop if you want to see. I should have told you, but I just wasn't thinking, and that was stupid of me.”
I picked up the coffee mug and took a quick, nonchalant glance at the thumbnail photos on his screen that Jake had clearly taken while lying on the floor. Looking at her perfect b.u.t.t and her coy smile as she glanced over her shoulder, ugh, it made me want to throw up.
I tried to exit the kitchen, but he stepped in front of me and blocked the door.
”I'm sorry, Roxie. I mean it.”
I looked at the floor to avoid his eyes. I wasn't ignoring him to be a brat. I was worried that if I tried to talk, my voice would crack, and the last thing I wanted was to stand there and cry in front of him.
”Hey,” he said, his voice soothing. He rubbed my arms just under my shoulders. It felt comforting and his voice was caring and kind. His apology was genuine. d.a.m.n him! ”What's happening?” he asked. ”Why are you so upset? I told you it was nothing, and that's the truth.”
”It doesn't matter,” I said, trying hard to keep my voice steady. ”You can do whatever you want.”
”I know I can do whatever I want, but I'm not going to bring some girl home a couple of days after you slept in my bed. That would be a d.i.c.k move and you have to know I have more respect for you than that.”
I did know that. And his story made sense. He really was taking pictures of her. Why else would she be reaching into the top shelf of our cupboard? There wasn't anything up there but some Tupperware from like 1985. But sometimes when I get really mad, I don't want to stop being mad, so I find more reasons to stay mad. Does anyone else do that? Or is it just me?
”My brother asked you about Carmen,” I said quietly. ”When he heard us upstairs. He asked you if Carmen was over.”
Jake let out a long sigh, walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. I sat down, too, curious to hear the rest of this story.
”You're right,” he started. ”There was a time a while back when her and her boyfriend broke up and she came over after work a few times. But now they are back together and I am not at all interested in her.”
I thought about this ridiculous scenario for a few moments before I spoke.
”So she wants to give her husband, on their wedding night, a bunch of pictures of her that were taken by some guy she hooked up with when they were broken up?”
”Hey, I never said she was the brightest crayon in the box. That's why there's no way I could ever seriously date her. But she paid me like everyone else; the shots I took of her are going to add a lot of value to my portfolio because she has a great body, and the prints she orders are going to make me even more money.So I really don't care what she does with the pictures.”
As another woman, I was able to see through her facade more so than Jake. She was probably trying to seduce him, and I doubted if she even had a fiance, but it wasn't really my problem anymore. I'd be moving out anyway.
”Do you forgive me?” he asked.
”You're forgiven. But I think we both know this roommate situation isn't going to work out. We can't be having conversations like this every time one of us brings a date home.”
”You're right. We should probably just keep having s.e.x with each other then. And that way we wouldn't need to bring dates home, and we'd never have a conversation like this again.” He gave me a c.o.c.ky, but hopeful, grin as he waited my response.
To be honest, that sounded like a super idea. But how long would it last before he decided he was bored with me and traded me in for another one of his cheerleaders?
”Or,” I said, ”I could just call it a loss and move down to Florida with my parents.”
”Are you serious?” he asked quietly. His silly smirk was gone.
I nodded. ”I've already packed.”
He took a deep breath. Then he stood up and shook his head at me. ”You're seriously going to run away again? G.o.d, that is so like you. I don't even know why I'm surprised.”
I stood up, defensively. ”What do you mean run away again? When did I run away before?”
”How about going to North Carolina instead of going to school in Michigan? Your hockey player boyfriend humiliated you, so you ran away.”
”I applied to UNC before that even happened!” It was true. I had. I might have chosen the school afterward, but I had already applied.
”And why'd you move back here? Because you were running from your problems in New York.”
”NO!” I shouted. ”I wanted to stay in New York! I just couldn't afford it!”
”So you came here? To Ann Arbor? It might not be New York City, but it's definitely not cheap to live here. Try again.”
”It's a lot cheaper than New York. And why wouldn't I come here? When something bad happens to a person, they're going to go to the people who love them for support.”
”So what are you running from this time then?”
”I'm not running! I'm fixing a mistake I made.”
”What was the mistake?”
”Moving here!”
”Why was it a mistake?”
I sat back down on the couch and studied the fibers in the living room carpet. ”You guys,” I said quietly, ”you, Adam, Allison you all have your own lives, and I need to find a life of my own, too. There isn't anything here for me. There's no school that will take me on such short notice, and there's no job I can get where I won't be serving people who are going to look down on me. All I do is watch TV, drink wine and lay out in the sun. That's not normal.”
”What are you going to do in Florida that's so much better?”
I couldn't really think of a good answer. If there was any way to start my Master's sooner that would be a good reason to go, but I should probably find out for sure if that could happen before I moved over 2000 miles away.
Jake sat down next to me again. He seemed calmer, less agitated. ”I agree that you need to get a job; if not for money then just to get out of the house. But there are things for you here. You've got that little sister to keep out of trouble. You promised you'd take Allison's kids to Cedar Point. I can even get you your old job back at The Bar. You used to make tons of money there.”
”That's a nice offer, Jake, but there's so many people I know that go in there. I don't think I could handle having them laughing at me.”
”Yeah, there are people we went to high school with who go in there, but they are just regular people with regular jobs. It's not like they are all millionaires or anything. You're the one who's been living in some penthouse suite in New York all this time. You're the one with a bedroom full of shoes that are probably worth more money than I've made in my entire life. No one is going to look down on you for having a job, and it's ridiculous that you even think that.”