Volume X Part 20 (2/2)

But when it comes to singin'--well, I've got the hymns by heart!

BREITMANN IN POLITICS

SHOWING HOW MR. HIRAM TWINE ”PLAYED OFF” ON SMITH

BY CHARLES G.o.dFREY LELAND

VIDE LICET: Dere vas a fillage Whose vode alone vouldt pe Apout enoof to elegdt a man, Und gife a mayority; So de von who couldt scoop dis seddlement Vould make a pully hit; Boot dough dey vere Deutschers, von und all, Dey all go von on Schmit.

Now it happenet to gome to ba.s.s Dat in dis liddle town De Deutsch vas all exshpegdin Dat Mishder Schmit coom down, His brinciples to fore-setzen Und his idees to deach, (Dat is, fix oop de brifate pargains) Und telifer a pooblic sbeech.

Now Twine vas a gyrotwistive cuss, Ash blainly ish peen shown, Und vas alfays an out-findin Votefer might pe known; Und mit some of his circ.u.mswindles He fix de matter so Dat he'd pe himself at dis meetin And see how dings vas go.

Oh shtrangely in dis leben De dings kits vorked apout!

Oh voonderly Fortuna Makes toorn us insite out!

Oh sinkular de luck-wheel rolls!

Dis liddle meeding dere Fixt Twine _ad perpendiculum_-- Shoost suit him to a hair!

Now it hoppenit on dis efenin De Deutschers, von und all, Vere avaitin mit impatience De openin of de ball; Und de shates of nite vere fallin Und de shdars begin to plink, Und dey vish dat Schmit vouldt hoorry, For 'dvas dime to dake a trink.

Dey hear some hoofs a-dramplin, Und dey saw, und d.i.n.ked dey knowed, Der bretty greature coomin, On his horse along de road; Und ash he ride town in-ward De likeness vas so plain Dey donnered out, ”Hooray for Schmit!”

Enough to make it rain.

Der Twine vas shtart like plazes; Boot oopshtarted too his wit, Und he d.i.n.ks, ”Great Turnips! what if I Could ba.s.s for Colonel Schmit?

Gaul dern my heels! _I'll do it_, Und go the total swine!

Oh, Soap-b.a.l.l.s! what a chance!” said dis Dissembulatin Twine.

Den 'twas ”Willkomm! willkomm, Mishder Schmit!”

Ringsroom on efery site; Und ”First-rate! How dy-do yourself?”

Der Hiram Twine replied.

Dey ashk him, ”Come und dake a trink?”

But dey find it mighdy queer Ven Twine informs dem none boot hogs Vould trink dat shtinkin bier;

Dat all lager vas nodings boot boison; Und ash for Sherman wein, He d.i.n.ks it vas erfounden Exshbressly for Sherman schwein; Dat he himself vas a demperanceler-- Dat he gloria in de name; Und atfise dem all, for tecency's sake, To go und do de same.

Dese bemarks among de Deutschers Vere apout ash vell receife Ash a cats in a game of den-bins, Ash you may of coorse peliefe: De heat of de reception Vent down a dootzen tegrees, Und in place of hurraws dere vas only heardt De rooslin of de drees.

Und so in solemn stille Dey scorched him to de hall, Vhere he maket de oradion Vitch vas so moosh to blease dem all; Und dis vay he pegin it: ”Pefore I furder go, I vish dat my obinions You puddin-het Dootch should know.

”Und ere I norate to you, I think it only fair We should oonderstand each other Prezactly, chunk and square.

Dere are boints on vhich ve tisagree, And I will plank de facts-- I don't go round slanganderin My friendts pehind deir packs.

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