Volume IX Part 23 (1/2)

I never bet--ner never wrought Upon my feller-man to bet-- And yit, at times, I've often thought Of my convictions with regret.

I bless the hoss from hoof to head-- From head to hoof, and tale to mane!-- I bless the hoss, as I have said, From head to hoof, and back again!

I love my G.o.d the first of all, Then Him that perished on the cross, And next, my wife,--and then I fall Down on my knees and love the hoss.

WHEN DOCTORS DISAGREE

BY S. E. KISER

He looked at my tongue and he shook his head-- This was Doctor Smart-- He thumped on my chest, and then he said: ”Ah, there it is! Your heart!

You mustn't run--you mustn't hurry!

You mustn't work--you mustn't worry!

Just sit down and take it cool; You may live for years, I can not say; But, in the meantime, make it a rule To take this medicine twice a day!”

He looked at my tongue, and he shook his head-- This was Doctor Wise-- ”Your liver's a total wreck,” he said, ”You must take more exercise!

You mustn't eat sweets.

You mustn't eat meats, You must walk and leap, you must also run; You mustn't sit down in the dull old way; Get out with the boys and have some fun-- And take three doses of this a day!”

He looked at my tongue, and he shook his head-- This was Doctor Bright-- ”I'm afraid your lungs are gone,” he said, ”And your kidney isn't right.

A change of scene is what you need, Your case is desperate, indeed, And bread is a thing you mustn't eat-- Too much starch--but, by the way, You must henceforth live on only meat-- And take six doses of this a day!”

Perhaps they were right, and perhaps they knew, It isn't for me to say; Mayhap I erred when I madly threw Their bitter stuff away; But I'm living yet and I'm on my feet, And gra.s.s isn't all I dare to eat, And I walk and I run and I worry, too, But, to save my life, I can not see What some of the able doctors would do If there were no fools like you and me.

THE BOAT THAT AIN'T[4]

BY WALLACE IRWIN

A stout, fat boat for gailin'

And a long, slim boat for squall; But there isn't no fun in sailin'

When you haven't no boat at all.

For what is the use o' calkin'

A tub with a mustard pot-- And what is the use o' talkin'

Of a boat that you haven't got?

FOOTNOTES:

[4] From ”Nautical Lays of a Landsman,” by Wallace Irwin. Copyright, 1904, by Dodd, Mead & Co.