Volume VIII Part 26 (1/2)

”And would laugh and declare, 'while _the Almanac_ would Most falsely prognosticate, _he_ never could!'

”Such a hale const.i.tution had grandfather Squeers That, though he'd used '_navy_' for sixty odd years,

”He still chewed a dime's-worth six days of the week, While the seventh he pa.s.sed with a chew in each cheek:

”Then my grandfather Squeers had a singular knack Of sitting around on the small of his back,

”With his legs like a letter Y stretched o'er the grate Wherein 'twas his custom to ex-pec-tor-ate.

”He was fond of tobacco in _manifold_ ways, And would sit on the door-step, of suns.h.i.+ny days,

”And smoke leaf-tobacco he'd raised strictly for The pipe he'd used all through The Mexican War.”

And The Raggedy Man said, refilling the bowl Of his _own_ pipe and leisurely picking a coal

From the stove with his finger and thumb, ”You can see What a tee-nacious habit he's fastened on me!

”And my grandfather Squeers took a special delight In pruning his corns every Sat.u.r.day night

”With a horn-handled razor, whose edge he excused By saying 'twas one that his grandfather used;

”And, though deeply etched in the haft of the same Was the ever-euphonious Wostenholm's name,

”'Twas my grandfather's custom to boast of the blade As 'A Seth Thomas razor--the best ever made!'

”No Old Settlers' Meeting, or Pioneers' Fair, Was complete without grandfather Squeers in the chair,

”To lead off the programme by telling folks how 'He used to shoot deer where the Court-House stands now'--

”How 'he felt, of a truth, to live over the past, When the country was wild and unbroken and vast,

”'That the little log cabin was just plenty fine For himself, his companion, and fambly of nine!--

”'When they didn't have even a pump, or a tin, But drunk surface-water, year out and year in,

”'From the old-fas.h.i.+oned gourd that was sweeter, by odds, Than the goblets of gold at the lips of the G.o.ds!'”

Then The Raggedy Man paused to plaintively say It was clockin' along to'rds the close of the day--

And he'd _ought_ to get back to his work on the lawn,-- Then dreamily blubbered his pipe and went on:

”His teeth were imperfect--my grandfather owned That he couldn't eat oysters unless they were 'boned';

”And his eyes were so weak, and so feeble of sight, He couldn't sleep with them unless, every night,

”He put on his spectacles--all he possessed,-- Three pairs--with his goggles on top of the rest.

”And my grandfather always, retiring at night, Blew down the lamp-chimney to put out the light;