Volume VI Part 15 (1/2)

Then speaks the Court Biographer, And a handy guy is he, ”First let me wind my biograph, That the deed recorded be.”

”A square deal!” saith the patient Bear, With ready repartee.

And now doth mighty Theodore For slaughter raise his gun; A flash, a bang, an ursine roar-- The dready deed is done!

And now the kodaks thirty-four In chorus click as one.

The big brown bruin stricken falls And in his juices lies; His blood is spent, yet deep content Beams from his limpid eyes.

”Congratulations, dear old pal!”

He murmurs as he dies.

From Cripple Creek and Soda Springs, Gun Gulch and Gunnison, A-foot, a-sock, the people flock To see that deed of gun; And parents bring huge families To show what _they_ have done.

In the damp corse stands Theodore And takes a hand of each, As loud and long the happy throng Cries, ”Speech!” again and ”Speech!”

Which pleaseth well King Theodore, Whose practice is to preach.

”Good friends,” he says, ”lead outdoor lives And Fame you yet may see-- Just look at Lincoln, Was.h.i.+ngton, And great Napoleon B.; And after that take off your hats And you may look at me!”

But as he speaks, a Messenger Cries, ”Sire, a telegraft!”

The king up takes the wireless screed Which he opens fore and aft, And reads: ”The Venezuelan stew Is boiling over. TAFT.”

Then straight the good King Theodore In anger drops his gun And turns his flas.h.i.+ng spectacles Toward high-domed Was.h.i.+ngton.

”O tus.h.!.+” he saith beneath his breath, ”A man can't have no fun!”

Then comes a disappointed wail From every rock and tree.

”Good-by, good-by!” the grizzlies cry And wring their handkerchee.

And a sad bob-cat exclaims, ”O drat!

He never shot at me!”

So backward, backward from the hunt The monarch lopes once more.

The Const.i.tution rides behind And the Big Stick rides before (Which was a rule of precedent In the reign of Theodore).

[Footnote 1: From ”At the Sign of the Dollar,” by Wallace Irwin.

Copyright, 1905, by Fox, Duffield & Co.]

MY PHILOSOFY

BY JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY

I ain't, ner don't p'tend to be, Much posted on philosofy; But thare is times, when all alone, I work out idees of my own.

And of these same thare is a few I'd like to jest refer to you-- Pervidin' that you don't object To listen clos't and rickollect.