Volume IV Part 18 (1/2)
HOW WE BOUGHT A SEWIN' MACHINE AND ORGAN
BY JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE
We done dretful well last year. The crops come in first-rate, and Josiah had five or six heads of cattle to turn off at a big price. He felt well, and he proposed to me that I should have a sewin' machine. That man,--though he don't coo at me so frequent as he probable would if he had more encouragement in it, is attached to me with a devotedness that is firm and almost cast-iron, and says he, almost tenderly: ”Samantha, I will get you a sewin' machine.”
Says I, ”Josiah, I have got a couple of sewin' machines by me that have run pretty well for upwards of--well it haint necessary to go into particulars, but they have run for considerable of a spell anyway”--says I, ”I can git along without another one, though no doubt it would be handy to have round.”
But Josiah hung onto that machine. And then he up and said he was goin'
to buy a organ. Thomas Jefferson wanted one too. They both seemed sot onto that organ. Tirzah Ann took hern with her of course when she was married, and Josiah said it seemed so awful lonesome without any Tirzah Ann or any music, that it seemed almost as if two girls had married out of the family instead of one. He said money couldn't buy us another Tirzah Ann, but it would buy us a new organ, and he was determined to have one. He said it would be so handy for her to play on when she came home, and for other company. And then Thomas J. can play quite well; he can play any tune, almost, with one hand, and he sings first-rate, too.
He and Tirzah Ann used to sing together a sight; he sings bearatone, and she sulfireno--that is what they call it. They git up so many new-fangled names nowadays, that I think it is most a wonder that I don't make a slip once in a while and git things wrong. I should, if I hadn't got a mind like a ox for strength.
But as I said, Josiah was fairly sot on that machine and organ, and I thought I'd let him have his way. So it got out that we was goin' to buy a sewin' machine, and a organ. Well, we made up our minds on Friday, pretty late in the afternoon, and on Monday forenoon I was a was.h.i.+n', when I heard a knock at the front door, and I wrung my hands out of the water and went and opened it. A slick lookin' feller stood there, and I invited him in and sot him a chair.
”I hear you are talkin' about buyin' a musical instrument,” says he.
”No,” says I, ”we are goin' to buy a organ.”
”Well,” says he, ”I want to advise you, not that I have any interest in it at all, only I don't want to see you so imposed upon. It fairly makes me mad to see a Methodist imposed upon; I lean towards that perswasion myself. Organs are liable to fall to pieces any minute. There haint no dependence on 'em at all, the insides of 'em are liable to break out at any time. If you have any regard for your own welfare and safety, you will buy a piano. Not that I have any interest in advising you, only my devotion to the cause of Right; pianos never wear out.”
”Where should we git one?” says I, for I didn't want Josiah to throw away his property.
”Well,” says he, ”as it happens, I guess I have got one out here in the wagon. I believe I threw one into the bottom of the wagon this mornin', as I was a comin' down by here on business. I am glad now I did, for it always makes me feel ugly to see a Methodist imposed upon.”
Josiah came into the house in a few minutes, and I told him about it, and says I:
”How lucky it is Josiah, that we found out about organs before it was too late.”
But Josiah asked the price, and said he wasn't goin' to pay out no three hundred dollars, for he wasn't able. But the man asked if we was willin'
to have it brought into the house for a spell--we could do as we was a mind to about buyin' it; and of course we couldn't refuse, so Josiah most broke his back a liftin' it in, and they set it up in the parlor, and after dinner the man went away.
Josiah bathed his back with linement, for he had strained it bad a liftin' that piano, and I had jest got back to my was.h.i.+n' again (I had had to put it away to git dinner) when I heerd a knockin' again to the front door, and I pulled down my dress sleeves and went and opened it, and there stood a tall, slim feller; and the kitchen bein' all cluttered up I opened the parlor door and asked him in there, and the minute he catched sight of that piano, he jest lifted up both hands, and says he:
”You haint got one of them here!”
He looked so horrified that it skairt me, and says I in almost tremblin'
tones:
”What is the matter with 'em?” And I added in a cheerful tone, ”we haint bought it.”
He looked more cheerful too as I said it, and says he ”You may be thankful enough that you haint. There haint no music in 'em at all; hear that,” says he, goin' up and strikin' the very top note. It did sound flat enough.
Says I, ”There must be more music in it than that, though I haint no judge at all.”
”Well, hear that, then,” and he went and struck the very bottom note.
”You see just what it is, from top to bottom. But it haint its total lack of music that makes me despise pianos so, it is because they are so dangerous.”
”Dangerous?” says I.