Part 5 (1/2)

A Sa.s.senach chief may be bonily built, He may purchase a sporran, a bonnet, and kilt; Stick a skean in his hose--wear an acre of stripes-- But he cannot a.s.sume an affection for pipes.

Clonglocketty's pipings all night and all day Quite frenzied poor Pattison Corby Torbay; The girls were amused at his singular spleen, Especially Ellen M'Jones Aberdeen.

”Macphairson Clonglocketty Angus, my lad, With pibrochs and reels you are driving me mad; If you really must play on that cursed affair, My goodness! play something resembling an air.”

Boiled over the blood of Macphairson M'Clan-- The clan of Clonglocketty rose as one man; For all were enraged at the insult, I ween-- Especially Ellen M'Jones Aberdeen.

”Let's show,” said M'Clan, ”to this Sa.s.senach loon That the bagpipes can play him a regular tune.

Let's see,” said M'Clan, as he thoughtfully sat, ”'In My Cottage' is easy--I'll practice at that.”

He blew at his ”Cottage,” and blew with a will, For a year, seven months, and a fortnight until (You'll hardly believe it) M'Clan, I declare, Elicited something resembling an air.

It was wild--it was fitful--as wild as the breeze-- It wandered about into several keys; It was jerky, spasmodic, and harsh, I'm aware, But still it distinctly suggested an air.

The Sa.s.senach screamed and the Sa.s.senach danced, He shrieked in his agony--bellowed and pranced; And the maidens who gathered rejoiced at the scene, Especially Ellen M'Jones Aberdeen.

”Hech gather, hech gather, hech gather around; And fill a' yer lugs wi' the exquisite sound, An air frae the bagpipes--beat that if ye can!

Hurrah for Clonglocketty Angus M'Clan!”

The fame of his piping spread over the land; Respectable widows proposed for his hand, And maidens came flocking to sit on the green-- Especially Ellen M'Jones Aberdeen.

One morning the fidgety Sa.s.senach swore He'd stand it no longer--he drew his claymore, And (this was, I think, in extremely bad taste), Divided Clonglocketty close to the waist.

Oh! loud were the wailings for Angus M'Clan-- Oh! deep was the grief for that excellent man-- The maids stood aghast at the horrible scene, Especially Ellen M'Jones Aberdeen.

It sorrowed poor Pattison Corby Torbay To find them ”take on” in this serious way.

He pitied the poor little fluttering birds, And solaced their souls with the following words:--

”Oh, maidens,” said Pattison, touching his hat, ”Don't snivel, my dears, for a fellow like that; Observe, I'm a very superior man, A much better fellow than Angus M'Clan.”

They smiled when he winked and addressed them as ”dears,”

And they all of them vowed, as they dried up their tears, A pleasanter gentleman never was seen-- Especially Ellen M'Jones Aberdeen.

[_W.S. Gilbert_

THE SYCOPHANTIC FOX AND THE GULLIBLE RAVEN

A raven sat upon a tree, And not a word he spoke, for His beak contained a bit of Brie, Or, maybe, it was Roquefort: We'll make it any kind you please, At all events, it was a cheese.

Beneath the tree's umbrageous limb A hungry fox sat smiling; He saw the raven watching him, And spoke in words beguiling.

”_J'admire_,” said he ”_ton beau plumage_,”

(The which was simply persiflage.)

Two things there are, no doubt you know, To which a fox is used; A rooster that is bound to crow, A crow that's bound to roost, And whichsoever he espies He tells the most unblus.h.i.+ng lies.

”Sweet fowl,” he said, ”I understand You're more than merely natty, I hear you sing to beat the band And Adelina Patti.

Pray render with your liquid tongue A bit from 'Gotterdammerung.'”

This subtle speech was aimed to please The crow, and it succeeded: He thought no bird in all the trees Could sing as well as he did.