Part 2 (2/2)

Body and Soul

What God lacks is convictions-stability of character He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or so

Mark Twain

IN ONE OF HIS COMMENTS to the press about his supposed disappearance at sea, Twain denied that he was trying to hide from anyone In particular, he joked, he didn't want people spreading ru Mrs Eddy” He offered no further explanation, but contemporary readers of New York papers would have understood his joke right away Over the past several years he had received considerable attention in the press for articles he had written that were critical of Mary Baker Eddy and the Christian Scienceof 1907, Harper's brought out a collection of his writings on the subject under the title Christian Science, with Notes Containing Corrections to Date An earlier version of the book was supposed to have appeared in 1903, but at the last minute Harper's had decided not to publish it Church members had already raised a fuss over Twain's articles, and-according to the author himself-Harper's asked hi afraid it could hurt their house by antagonizing the Scientists”2 His publisher had good reason to be concerned Reclusive and secretive, Eddy-now in her eighties and not in good health-still exercised absolute control over the affairs of her sect, and her teachings were revered by thousands of members who attended services at more than seven hundred churches Her followers zealously defended their faith froainst it in the popular press, insisting that Eddy was a benevolent ure who exercised her authority with a soft touch

Twain's quarrel was not so ion as with the character of its leader, who in personal terms that were bound to offend many of her admirers In his view, Eddy ruled over her church like an A with God behind the lace curtains of her Victorian parlor and giving orders with the certainty of one who thought ”her authority was froh Tas Harper'shouse was understandably reluctant to issue a work that called the seely mild-mannered Eddy a ”res;” ”a Christian for revenue only;” and a despot as ”grasping, sordid, penurious, falory” For goodthat her Science and Health-the textbook for believers-was entirely the work of others3 At the end of 1906 the Harper's office finally decided to risk publication after the New York World and McClure's Magazine launched investigations into Eddy's life that made Twain's portrait see series of articles that ran in McClure's came to a conclusion about Eddy's character that was every bit as harsh as Twain's, declaring, ”Probably no other woman so handicapped-so limited in intellect, so uncertain in conduct, so tortured by hatred and hampered by petty animosities-has ever risen from a state of helplessness and dependence to a position of such power and authority”4 It is soested that Twain's criticiseon's bitterness or awouldn't explain the sihts of the McClure's contributor, as a pro female writer with no predisposition to attack Christian Science or its leader For hbor in Manhattan, Willa Cather, had been investigating Eddy's career for McClure's, conducting much of her work in Boston, the church's home base As a result of her own independent research, she had come to share Twain's conviction that the founder had misled her flock and had never, in Cather's words, ”produced an original idea on her own account” In her opinion Eddy's principal ae from the multitude”5 Ain ”paranoid fantasies” about Christian Science It is true that both Cather and Twain overesti, butthe early years of the twentieth century that even the normally reserved editors of the New York Times becan to discredit it in ways that Twain never dared to ees la it a ”crude and squalid cult” and referring to a group of Eddy's faith healers as ”wretched sorcerers” and ”vaainst Christian Science ”harpies,” argued that Eddy was an outright fraud, and said her folloere ”dupes” The can reached a fever pitch in 1904, when the New York Times said of Eddy, ”To reverence, therefore, she has no faintest title, and it was through reverence that she and her associates in the miracle business were able to acconified into e home in Concord, New Hampshi+re-where she enjoyed a quiet, comfortable life, thanks to her various attendants and the resources made possible by a personal fortune of 3 et for her foes But, unlike the New York Times and many other critics of Christian Science, Twain syion and spoke adh mental and spiritual powers Without any trace of irony, he used the words ”gracious and beautiful” to describe ”the power, through loving mercifulness and coriefs-all-with a word, with a touch of the hand!” To a correspondent who questioned his views, he explained that it was easy for hiood in Christian Science from its leader, who, in his opinion, had distorted its purpose for personal gain Though the ”healing principle” was a real force, he explained, Eddy had ”hitched it to the shi+rt-tail of a religion” and was like ”a tra express” In private, his comic nickname for her was Eddypus7 At various times in his life, Twain had wanted desperately to believe inLivy's delicate health was often affected by her state of mind, and it was said that she had benefited in her youth fro bout of illness Struggling to understand the slow decline of his wife's health in her last years, Twain searched for explanations that went beyond what the doctors could tell hiination and offered the only alternative to the inadequate treatments available from the limited medical science of the day

Similarly, in Jean's case, even her own doctors believed that her best hope of controlling her epilepsy was to adjust her way of thinking and to exert s existed for her condition, so the next best thing was to help her establish a sense of cals Her treat, a touch of Christian Science without the religion It is little wonder that Tas reluctant to discount its potential

But part of his anger toward Eddy seems to have been driven by his own frustrated expectations forIt had failed to save Livy, and it had yet to produce e in Jean Moreover, in darker moments, he sometimes blamed Susy's death on her interest in various for that she had relied too s to alleviate the pains of the spinalEddy was one way of venting his frustration over all these private sorrows, especially since he considered her such a deserving target For hi over the more serious proble Xn Science,” he told a ca in the world against it Making fun of that sha about it I take any interest in”8 Her writing style gave hi his conversations with Twain about Christian Science, Howells said, ”It would not be easy to say whether in his talk of it his disgust for the illiterate twaddle of Mrs Eddy's book, or his adreater” Tas convinced that she couldn't write a coherent paragraph and gleefully seized on examples of bad prose in her published work Of her cryptic remark that a ”spiritual noumenon” had ”silenced portraiture,” he dryly observed: ”You cannot silence portraiture with a noumenon; if portraiture should make a noise, a way could be found to silence it, but even then it could not be done with a noumenon” His doubts about her authorshi+p of Science and Health were based largely on his reading of her autobiography, which he considered a stylisticspenttype by hand as a printer's apprentice, he offered the church some professional advice: ”I think her proof-reader should have been shot”9 In case anyone thought he was being too hard on an old woious rather than literary, hethat his expectations for her prose weren't unreasonable ”I wish to say that of Mrs Eddy I alish No one can write perfect English and keep it up through a stretch of ten chapters It has never been doneIt has been approached in several English grammars; I have even approached it myself; but none of us made port”10 Eddy's top officials responded to Twain's critique of their leader by undertaking a low-key effort to make peace with him The Christian Science member responsible for press relations in New York-William McCrackan-contacted Twain after his early articles on the sect appeared and asked to speak with his and telephone conversations followed in which McCrackan did his best to soften Twain's views on Eddy It didn't work, but the two ree In one of their reater than Eddy's

Twain found little to admire in Mary Baker Eddy's Science and Health, the textbook for her Christian Science followers, saying of it, ”I think her proofreader should have been shot”

”They tell me,” he said to McCrackan, ”that God is all powerful He can do everything Then I think of thefor a pittance in the dark I think of the cruelties, oppressions, injustices everywhere and according to this, God is responsible for all of them Why, I'd rather have Satan any day than that kind of a God”11 McCrackan orried that Twain's ainst Eddy by false stories from an excommunicated member named Josephine Woodbury A woman of considerable physical charm, Woodbury had been one of the church's pronant by one of her students and had then clainancy She was a great believer in hypnosis and the power of suggestion, so she thought it perfectly natural to announce that her child-christened ”The Prince of Peace”-was the result of an i with this ruse, and Woodbury was banished frouard action against her former sect, and Tas one of the people she approached with disparaging tales of Eddy's private life After McCrackan found out that Twain had raced former member, he concluded that she must have cast a spell over the old ar hypnotic trickery” To the faithful, this ood an explanation as any for Twain's sharp criticisly, the church hierarchy decided that the best response to Twain's new book from Harper's was simply to downplay its importance and to carry on with their oork, which would soon include establishi+ng a daily newspaper designed to uphold Eddy's expressed ideal of fair play in a country where the press was often her enemy On November 25, 1908, the Christian Science Monitor would make its first appearance

THERE WAS ONE wealthy member of the New York church, however, as convinced that Twain deserved a public rebuke for his new book Without any encouragement from other Christian Scientists, Genie Holtzainst hiland, and a novelist in her youth, Rosenfeld was a ure and patron of the arts who had abandoned her Jewish roots and had become a fervent believer in Christian Science As the wife of Broadway producer Sidney Rosenfeld, she ell known in theatrical circles and was president of the Century Theatre Club, which boasted awhat they called ”intelligent” drae

When one of her com the proud president before inviting Mark Twain to participate in a charity benefit, Genie Rosenfeld exploded with anger and threatened to resign if the committee did not promptly withdraw the invitation Her stand attracted the interest of the press, which reported on her ”stor co her members that she was devoted to Christian Science, she rejected any suggestion that the club could raise raph copies of his books She had no use for the author or his books and wanted everyone to know it With a flair for overstatement common to the melodramas of the time, President Rosenfeld infor else in this world, and so is Mrs Mary Baker Eddy I will not tolerate the reception of anybody who has attacked us as Mark Twain has done I'll resign from the Century sooner than be forced into this position of see approval of his work”13 If Rosenfeld expected her members to support her, she was ainst her Sonation, and others threatened to resign if she prevailed ”I didn't know I had joined a Christian Science club,” declared one angry et out”

At a hastily calledof the entire membershi+p on May 1, 1907, the club voted not only to stand by the invitation to Twain, but to send hi for the stateht tone, but it represented a stunning defeat for Rosenfeld and-indirectly-the cause of Christian Science The roup's respect for him and specifically disavowed the president's relishwoman and does not understand that, after the Constitution and the Eest native docuht have enjoyed dealing with this controversy if it had arisen teeks earlier As it was, he was preoccupied with another matter at the end of the first week of May This was the period when he was kept busy explaining why he had not perished at the botto took place on the day the Kanawha left Virginia, and by the time reporters found Twain safe at home three days later, his ”disappearance” at sea was the only subject anyone wanted hih in the newspapers of the past week toto hide froh to prove his fearlessness, he put on his white uniforrand entrance at the charity event that had sparked all the controversy-the Actors' Fund Fair It was held at the Metropolitan Opera House, and its purpose was to raise e crowds turned out to buy raffle tickets and various novelties sold by celebrities and chorus girls

To avoid any conflicts, the ement of the fair steered Twain away froraph his books at another group's booth He agreed to this plan, and took up his post at a table where he sold ”autographs while you wait” Meanwhile, as the New York Tribune reported, ”There was a gloom around the booth of the Century Theatre Club, across the way, that could have been cut with a knife 'It's too bad, isn't it?' one of the members of the club said to a Tribune reporter, under her breath 'I'ing religion into a thing of this kind Mark Twain feels very bad about the fuss; I heard him say so No, Mrs Rosenfeld hasn't been here at all' ”15 When the fair opened, Mark Tas asked to speak and was introduced to loud applause as ”that American institution and apostle of wide hued thes into hard cash for the benefit of the fund Then, usurping the authority of President Roosevelt-who had officially opened the Actors' Fund Fair by pressing a button in Washi+ngton that switched on lights in the Opera House-Twain said, ”By virtue of the authority in aed as one of the best fund-raisers of the event, lending his star power to a couple of auctions, including one hosted by the society hostess Mrs Stuyvesant (Ma attraction ”Mrs Fish wassales yesterday,” reported the Tribune, ”and early in the afternoon Mark Twain assisted her by officiating at a floral auction in front of the booth” The fair also featured appearances by his friend Ethel Barrylas Fairbanks17 As for Rosenfeld, she did indeed stay ho Twain After her club had rejected her demands, she had no choice but to step down froies and hoped she would be forgiven, but a new president was promptly elected, and she never recovered her place of i of the fair Twain made only one reference to the controversy He chose not to joke about it, but spoke in terenerous

”There is to be no creed here,” he said, ”no religion except charity”18

THOUGH MANY OF HIS CONTEMPORARIES were delighted by his caainst Eddy, Twain always understood that his unvarnished views of mainstream Christianity were better saved for the edification of posterity When he was dictating soriest comments on the God of the Bible in the summer of 1906, he told Howells, ”To-et ns burnt alive if they venture to print it this side of 2006 AD” His abuse of Eddy pales beside that which he heaped on the ”Lord of Creation” during this period, calling the Bible ”the raphy that exists in print anywhere It , by contrast” The adjectives he applies to God include ”repulsive,” ”ht to think that his conte stuff, especially his scornful verdict on the concept of God the Father: ”We know quite well that we should hang His style of father wherever we ht catch him”19 Tas a vociferous critic of Christianin Asia, where the new A inroads In 1901 he had expressed his views in the powerful essay ”To the Person Sitting in Darkness,” urging As-of-Civilization Trust” to quitin the affairs of China or any other place where the natives were presus a rest,” he said They had already suffered enough from exposure to ”Maxiress and Enlightenes with, upon occasion)”

As he argued privately, if the ood work, they could return hos and si Americans ”O kind missionary,” he joked bitterly, ”O compassionate missionary, leave China! coht of these views, it ht seem hard to believe that Trapped up his busy week at the beginning of May 1907 bya four-hundred-mile round-trip train journey to raise money for the First Presbyterian Church of Annapolis, Maryland He had never been to Annapolis before and knew only two people in the congregation, yet he illing to go on the long tripa prosperous church a little more prosperous It wasn't that he had suddenly experienced a change of heart about religion The failings of Christianity always made his blood boil, but he still felt a sentimental attachment to the church of his youth and was inclined to help it He could view such generosity as a public duty, whereas his feud with God was mostly a private affair At any rate, even his fiercest tirades against Christianity couldn't e to loosen some bonds that went back to his earliest days His mother had been an active member of the First Presbyterian Church of Hannibal, and he had attended its Sunday school, whose traditions are gently mocked in Tom Sawyer

As his closest friends understood, he never entirely escaped the influence of his Presbyterian upbringing, no matter how hard he tried to play the opposite of the ation's Model Boy, who never missed a worshi+p service and ”was the pride of all the matrons” As Howells once told him, ”If I had been your maker, I could have improved you I suppose, but for the creature of the Presbyterian deity who didto take you as you are” On occasion Twain could even show a grudging sense of pride in Presbyterianis it for itsin a sweat about religion and trying to hbors”21 In any case, the particular Presbyterian who invited him to Annapolis was not an easy person to refuse She was the first lady of Maryland, the wife of Governor Edwin Warfield, a De choice for his party's presidential noed to one of the oldest families in Maryland and had patrician features suitable for the leader of a Border State, with a white oatee (One of his poor relations was then a young girl in Baltimore ould one day be known to the world as the wo Edward VIII surrendered the British throne-Wallis Warfield Simpson) When Governor Warfield's wife, E him to participate in an ”entertainood mood, and he pro the invitation with Isabel Lyon-ould acco entirely facetious when he explained that the offer was ”right inif I'm not a Presbyterian” Besides, he added, he had alanted to see the Naval Acadeovernor's guest22 The Warfields were in awe of the author and went out of their way to overnor himself met Twain and Lyon when they arrived in Baltimore on Thursday, May 9, and escorted theuest of honor at a large dinner held in the Executive Mansion So many tickets were sold for Twain's talk on behalf of the Presbyterians that Warfield had to move the event froates in the capitol (In those days, nobody see over the statehouse for the night) While preparations for the great event were underway, the governor and his wife took Twain to see the Naval Academy Forpolicy on its grounds Of course, the visiting author ignored the rule, and no one in the official party acco to point out his mistake But the sentries knew their duty and told hiain,” Twain coht the second time ”Constituted constabulary will run this country yet” Everyone laughed, but having to give up his cigar-even for a short ti matter to Twain ”I will fill the world with crime if I don't s Fortunately, the governor intervened and quickly won special permission from the superintendent's wife to let Twain sit on her porch and smoke to his heart's content while he watched a special parade of midshi+pmen

”I have smoked practically all my life,” he explained to the Warfields, ”and it has never done me any harm”23 Many of the state's newspapers sent correspondents to cover Twain's visit, and one overly excited journalist even went to the trouble of writing an original poem of thirty-six lines to celebrate the occasion ”Throide the sweet doors of the State,” the newspaper poet rhapsodized about Twain's arrival in Annapolis ”And gather, ye bevies of beauty, with cheeks of the rose, at the gate!”24 On the evening of his talk there were no ”bevies of beauty” waiting for Twain, but at least five hundred people bought tickets, and the author gave theood show He told a few anecdotes about his ard youth and ended with his favorite ghost story, ”The Golden Ar his years on the lecture circuit He still had the power to transfix an audience with his artful drawl and dramatic climaxes Thirty years later, one of the spectators at the House of Delegates that night vividly recalled the powerful host story about the corpse with the golden arolden arm?' he demandedand at the climax, when he shouted 'YOU!' everyone popped up out of his seat”25 During the evening Twain also discussed his earlier ”arrest” at the Naval Academy and decided to eht red-handed” breaking a federal law and had escaped punishment only because someone had whispered to the sentries that they couldn't lock up a gentlereatest men in the world” He pleaded rhetorically, ”Who am I to contradict the Governor of Maryland? Worht should I traverse the declared opinion of that ment whoenius for such things, he ood deed for the Warfields and their church while at the sa old rake who could barely stay one step ahead of the law And the ible sinner, thecontradiction and was only too happy to point it out

During a lull in the festivities he talked politics with the governor and told hiainst another He said he was a ”e his e my mind every day if I feel like it,” Twain said ”I vote for the men, not for their principles-sometimes I doubt if he has any principles”27 Warfield didn't take the cohted by his guest's refreshi+ng willingness to speak his mind As for Mrs Warfield, she considered Twain's visit one of the highlights of her ti proudly at his side for the official photographs in a heavy dress that covered her aure from neck to foot and made her look the very h Tas in Maryland for only forty-eight hours, the Warfield itinerary kept hiht, he was exhausted The original plan was for hi for two days on someone else's schedule was about all he could stand-especially if it included a lot of for, he decided it was time to leave Isabel Lyon offered a polite excuse to the Warfields, saying that Tas suddenly needed in New York on urgent business Adding apologies of his own, he was able toany offense

It also helped that on the return trip to Baltiovernor to acco his short layover in the city, he ith Warfield to see the new headquarters of the Sun newspaper While he toured the offices, Twain brought smiles to the faces of the editors when he paused near one of their roo, ”I could even write soood in here myself!”28

THOUGH IT WASN'T EXACTLY URGENT, Twain did have business to attend to back ho up in June that he considered one of the most important in his life He had learned about it only a week earlier when aVirginia It came fro a request from Lord Curzon, formerly viceroy of India and now chancellor of the oldest institution of higher learning in the English-speaking world

”Oxford University would confer degree of Doctor of Letters on you on June 26,” the ambassador cabled ”But personal presence necessary”

The invitation didn't allow iven that the voyage alone would take at least nine days from New York to London-but Twain promptly sent a ith the sireatest pleasure”

He was overjoyed by the news and wouldn't have ree in person ”I never expected to cross the water again,” he acknowledged, ”but I would be willing to journey to Mars for that Oxford degree” Clara later rereat moments in Father's career,” and recalled that the prospect of oal at the other end shone withwith a ret, ”If only Livy could have known of this triumph!”29 He sent off his response so quickly that it arrived in London just before the barrage of press cables went out announcing that the Kanaas ine that the aht think his reply had co over the possible confusion, he joked, ”Those at the Aured that while on h to tap the cable and send the the Oxford degree until after he had traveled to Maryland With Governor Warfield at his side, he told the press the good nehich gave the announceh he meant to emphasize that the aas a rare honor for America as well as for himself And that was, in fact, the way it caood women of the Century Theatre Club had already told him, he was now such a national icon that it was impossible for his admirers not to see his achievements as a reflection of the American spirit at its best

But why did an academic honor-especially one from the Old World-mean so much to a self-made man such as Twain? He offered a facetious explanation in which he cast hi an easy prize fro out before anyone was the wiser ”I take the saree that an Ind