Part 12 (2/2)

Inside, O'Connor's home is streith careworn toys and a few stray strands of Christhts, left over fro roorabs sohter from beside a portable cassette boom box-the house's main stereo-and settles down in the corner of a weather-beaten sofa A gray cat patiently watches O'Connor's moves, and then leaps onto the sofa and curls into a contented ball beside the singer There is nothing in this scene of do in the home of what one critic has called ”the decade's first new superstar,” and apparently, O'Connor likes it that way

”I never think of myself as Sinead O'Connor, rock star, she says with a bashful shts it, and thinks quietly for a moment ”The truth is,” she continues, ”e part in my life I know it see an album out, and of course, that means a lot to me But the most important part of my life isn't the album: It's the experiences that are written about in the albu of every phase I've been through inI've experienced And it's those experiences-not the music-that have made me happy or pissed me off”

For O'Connor, many of her experiences have been harsh from the start She was born the third of four children to John and Marie O'Connor, a young Catholic couple living in the Glenageary section of Dublin, Ireland John, an engineer, and Marie, a for, and by the ti, the relationshi+p had already turned sour It was a tense, sometimes brutal home life, and the violence was occasionally carried over to the children-particularly the two daughters hom Marie had a strained relationshi+p ”A child always thinks that it's their fault that these things happen,” says Sinead ”I was extre time Between the family situation and the Catholicis the fas about wasGilbert and Sullivan operettas in her youth, and she encouraged her children to explore their vocal talents ”Sinead, in particular, had a good musical ear,” says John O'Connor ”The first time she cut a record, I had her out for a walk one Saturday, up in the DublinIt was neverso pretty and nice this one ti to hear how true Sinead's voice was, even at that stage She could hit a note on the head and hold it for fifteen seconds or so-just like she can today”

To Sinead, though, singing was more a release than a pleasure ”I reo out for walks and I'd sort of be s up I think I was just so fucked up that I wanted to -like shout and screa I suppose that's how it started It wasn't that I wanted to be a singer: It was just that I could actually express the pain that I felt with my voice, because I didn't have the facilities to express it in any other way It was just all bubbling up in there and it had to coht, John and Marie O'Connor separated (divorce was not allowed by Irish laws) For the first few years, Sinead lived h Marie was ”extreuilty for preferring the protection and freedom that her father's home offered By the tirim and repressive, and she settled into her father's ”I think I took everything out on hi severely abused Suddenly I had all this freedoan cutting classes, so entire school weeks holed up in Dublin's bowling alleys, playing video ga ers, then eventually shoplifting clothes, perfume, and shoes froy,” says Sinead, ”will tell you that you can't take a child who's been in a violent or psychologically intense situation for years and expect it to be able to cope with nor nor ht shoplifting-in fact, she got caught a few ti as an engineer and had taken up the practice of law-and he understood that his daughter ood bloody reason to be unhappy with her houilt, ht for the kids at the ti seriously wrong-she wasn't a sex fiend or a dope fiend But after she got caught nicking a pair of shoes in a shop in don Dublin, there was a fear that she was getting ard”

In the early eighties, Sinead's father sent her to Sion Hill in Blackrock-a school for girls with behavioral proble schools that included Mayfield College in Drumcondra, and Nen School in Waterford ”I sent her to these places,” he says, ”because I couldn't handle the problem any other way She was resentful, but she also knew that she needed help And she did go through a tree pattern while she was in Waterford That kid came out of that school and she never looked back insofar as rity is concerned She's now absolutely and fiercely honest, and she wasn't when she went into that school”

For Sinead, though, it was a hard stretch ”Being sent off,” she says, ”just refueled the whole thing about being a bad person Also, I had few friends at these schools I didn't kno to tell people, ”I'm not nasty and horrible and unfriendly I'h a whole lot of shi+t that they could never understand in a reat happy fa of what life was like for other people So, I didn't enjoy it at all I was extreht I wasschools that Sineadguitar and gradually writing sos that would end up on The Lion and the Cobra In 1982, a teacher at Mayfield asked the fifteen-year-old O'Connor to sing at her wedding O'Connor sang Barbra Streisand's ”Evergreen,” and her full-throated delivery caught the ear of Paul Byrne, the bride's brother, as also the drummer for In Tua Nua, an Irish band with ties to U2 The two struck up a friendshi+p, and later, O'Connor co-wrote In Tua Nua's first single, ”Take My Hand” For a ti with the band, but her father insisted she stay in school However, Sinead's brush with recording had enlivened her, and with another friend, Jere in a folk duo around Waterford's coffeehouses and pubs, where she becainals like ”Never Get Old” and ”Drink before the War,” and for her forceful covers of Bob Dylan songs, like ”Simple Twist of Fate” and ”One More Cup of Coffee”

”Whatever depth and intensity was insideout in ious or what, but it was as if I was pulling a big rope out of the middle of me-a rope that had been there since before I was born”

By the next year, O'Connor had decided it was tier, but her father refused ”And then,” he says, ”she made the most determined statement she ever made about a professional career into anyone, and disappeared She was only sixteen, and I was up a wall I didn't knohere she was When she came home, it was plain that she had e of Music in Dublin She had this big booet soe the vocal cords She also studied piano She's not a naive composer She knohere she is in music”

Then, in early 1985, Marie O'Connor was killed in a car wreck It had been almost two years since Sinead had seen her mother, and at the time of the death, their relationshi+p was unreconciled ”I was completely and utterly destroyed,” she says ”I felt that we had never really had a relationshi+p But looking back, I know that my mother knew I loved her very , I just felt sorry for her Her life had been such misery, and as a result, our lives had been misery It just must have been hell for her She had lost her career when she got married, she'd had baby after baby, and I don't think she ever had tiure herself out, like I've had since leaving Ireland

”More than anything, I think she is the reason why I sing”

BY 1985, GALVANIZED by the international success of Irish heroes U2, Dublin had beco rock and folk acts In the early part of the year, Nigel Grainge and Chris Hill, the director and n Records (and early supporters of Ireland's Thin Lizzy and Boo area bands at a local rehearsal studio Nothing roup on their list-Ton Ton Macoute, who had acquired soer

”At first,” says Chris Hill, ”they looked like another Godawful pub rock band Then Sinead walked in She had thick black hair and she was so pretty, though she wasn't made up to look pretty I y jersey, and staring at the floor Then she sang The songs were dreadful, but her voice was incredible It ranged from this kind of pure little folk voice to a banshee wail, like so from the depths of somewhere Yet she was so self-conscious If she could have crawled into the corner and sang with her back to us, she would have We thought, 'This girl's got a res' At the end, Nigel said to her, 'What you're doing now isn't right for us, but if you feel you hit on so”

Six weeks later, back in London, Nigel Grainge got a letter froel,” she wrote, ”I've left the band I's You did say you would be interested in recording sos, will you do it?” Grainge had made no such promise, but he was impressed by O'Connor's sly ambition and sent her an airplane ticket Teeks later, when O'Connor arrived, Grainge had forgotten about her ier, who had just left the Waterboys to forer through her deer et a real surprise here,” he told Grainge As Grainge walked in, O'Connor was in the , ”Troy”-a mese was riveted ”We never sign anybody,” he says ”We're as choosy as can be” But on the basis of the den ”Her perfor”

Within days, news of O'Connor's signing spread through the Dublin scene According to some sources, U2's Bono was so impressed by the demos that he offered to help Sinead find a better deal with a bigger label O'Connor insisted on sticking with Ensign, though she later agreed to collaborate with the Edge on ”Heroine,” a song for the guitarist's 1986 soundtrack LP, Captive

Shortly, O'Connor had moved to London and started work on the material for her first album It should have been a heady ti ”She was clearly very lonely,” says Grainge ”She spent a lot of ti phones Our big charge was to play her records The first time we ever heard her, we said, 'You sound like Grace Slick' She said, 'Grace who?' Another time, I asked, 'How much Aretha Franklin have you ever heard?' And she said, 'I don't knoho's Aretha Franklin?' ”

”To get someone that early in their development was remarkable,” says Chris Hill ”I asked her once, 'Where do you think you fit in musically?' And she said, 'Well, somewhere between Kate Bush and Madonna I'ht, 'That covers every fucking angle, right?' ”

O'Connor ritingpace-and the sense of change began to show in her appearance ”She was always playing with her hair,” says Grainge ”One minute she had a Mohican That was on for a couple of weeks, and then it all went-she walked in, and she had shaved herself bald We thought, 'Well, there's a statement' ” Over the next few years, O'Connor's bare scalp would strike various journalists as provocative, frightening, ugly, gorgeous, sexy, and shocking-and would also help ettable new faces in all pop

During this period, O'Connor ure prominently in her life The first was John Reynolds, former drummer with British trash-pop band Transvision Va her studio band, and a nant ”I was the only one that felt co a baby,” she says ”I could understand John's reluctance Suddenly his whole life was flashi+ng before hiht I was jeopardizing my career My attitude was that if I had been a nant, they wouldn't be telling me that I couldn't have it

”I was very upset, and very hurt How could I choose between my career or a child? They're both as i-I had nothing against abortion In fact, I was actually in the hospital bed about to have an abortion, and then I left It wasn't me that wanted to have the abortion I wanted the baby-and I decided to have it”

The other person that Sinead h-an Irish patriot who had ed Boo label for horown Irish bands, Mother Records To the consternation of Nigel Grainge, O'Connor wanted O'Ceallaigh for her e ”I knew Fachtna fron Fachtna gets very eree that so, but he can also be infuriating when he doesn't get his way I told Sinead: 'I don't want to ith Fachtna, and I don't want hi to say It was like a father telling a child, 'You can't do this' She caer Get on with it' And Fachtna became very closely involved with Sinead I mean, he was her mentor for a serious period of tiun to ith producer Mick Glossop on the first album, but the sessions soon fizzled ”The tracks sounded like a cabaret rock version of these wonderful songs,” says Grainge (O'Connor herself once described the failed sessions as ”all fucking Irish ethereal and irl of nineteen years, as pregnant and frightened that if she fucked up, she was gonna lose her record deal, and be told to go back to Ireland”

A feeeks later, Grainge proposed a solution ”I kept thinking about what she had done with the dereat they had felt So I said, 'Go in with a decent engineer, Sinead, and produce it yourself You knohat these songs are about, and how they should sound' About that tiement is to completely divide the artist fro into the record conant and with almost no studio expertise, O'Connor took over the production of her maiden album Two months later, she had finished a record that all parties were thrilled by, and teeks after that, she gave birth to her son, Jake Reynolds In theory, it should have been a triumphal time The Lion and the Cobra was a terrific albus about desire, daed it all in a style that spanned folk music, orchestral rock, and bass-heavy dance pop

But within months, O'Connor found herself embroiled in feuds and controversies In early 1988, U2 diser of Mother Records, citing ”incoh had once told a reporter, ”I literally despise the music U2 azine, O'Connorremarks about U2's ”bombastic” music, and found herself reproached by the band's associates Before long, angry feelings and bitter statements had escalated on both sides, fueled by the sensationalistic-minded UK music press (in particular, NME milked the schism for a spate of cover stories) At one point, O'Connor was quoted as saying: ”I have no respect for Bono and no affiliation with histhat sincerity” Another tiracious mood, she told Melody Maker, ”[U2] take themselves so fuckin' seriously [Bono's] just a stupid turd”

O'Connor has attempted to ers ”I felt ostracized and punished over that whole thing,” she says ”But I also felt guilty because I knew at the back ofwere not said for er with U2 because the band had hurt Fachtna, as a friend ofto do that, because, really, Fachtna should fight his own battles I had been hateful toward soht to be hateful toward U2 hadn't really done anything shi+tty to me But I also learned that U2 was a popular and powerful band, and that the British and Irish music establishment would not allow you to be critical of them”

O'Connor's comments about the IRA-the outlawed political movement that seeks a united Ireland and opposes Britain's dos and bos to achieve its aims-were considered even more controversial On one occasion, O'Connor was quoted as saying: ”I support the IRAI don't like the violence but I do understand it, it's necessary even though it's terrible” In the British press-hom the IRA are extremely unpopular-these comments were construed as an endorse since disavowed any support of the IRA or its ue her ”I was involved in very co that time,” she says now, ”and I was influenced by the people I was hanging around with I wanted their approval, and I was expressing things in order to get that approval, without realizing that that's what I was doing I should not have condoned the use of violence by anyone I don't believe that it's right for either side involved in the war to kill people I also don't think for a second that the British governht to be in Ireland But as I say, I was condoning violence to impress the people I was involved with, and I should not have done that”

The period following The Lion and the Cobra was also rough for more personal reasons Shortly after Jake's birth, O'Connor and John Reynolds separated for a ti O'Connor's appearance at the 1988 Grammy Awards, she returned to London, and to the surprise of many friends and associates,that time,” she says, ”but it wasn't due to John It was the fact that I ith so ht in the living rooets up, turns on a laarette ”Around the tiottiure out rong Then, for a whole summer, I saoman who's like a spiritual healer and a dietitian, and I started doing yoga with her That process gave in to see that I was involved with people ere bringing out negative things in me

”I realized that I had no control over myself-that other people were in control ofopinions that were other people's, that practically everything I was doing was to please other people So I decided I had to assume control over myself in every aspect, and that meant I had to sever some relationshi+ps that were very, very difficult to sever I had to suth to be able to say 'bye-bye' to people that I had previously thought I couldn't function without Now, I feel like I' Now, I'm the captain of my own shi+p”

One of the relationshi+ps-perhaps the primary one-that O'Connor severed at this ti to John O'Connor, ”Fachtna caeth affair; there's a relationshi+p that has to be kept scrupulously in its place The er's first duty is that their client's career should be s enter into it at all-whether they're political feelings or es”

In Deceh as her noli, forer of Prince) Neither party is inclined to discuss the details of the separation, though O'Connor says: ”Fachtna had given hts as an artist He instilled in me the idea that if it wasn't for people like me, the record industry would not exist-which is true And he instilled in arding how e and work are presented Most i me that I should be honest and true, and not co to Chris Hill, O'Ceallaigh's contribution went beyond that ”He did two is: He helped her discover a part of herself-that is, her sense of purpose and worth-but he also badly fucked her up And the two things together are what made Sinead O'Connor what she is”

For his part, O'Ceallaigh says simply, ”What is important to me is what Sinead says She is the one who knows exactly what occurred over the three-year period that I ed her And evento me because she has always been and will always continue to be, as long as I' else-whether it's success or fas that attend success-it's all basically rubbish I never thought of Sinead as a person or object whoand a friend”

Following the firing of O'Ceallaigh, O'Connor holed up in a garage studio with sound engineer Chris Birkett, and in a surprisingly short ti the tracks for I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got-in effect, a collection of hard-hitting and heartrending songs about the circumstances of her recent life Says O'Connor: ”It is si and her experiences, and what she makes of those experiences and of herself Sory and sooing through at the ti to me, that's what I wrote about”

Around the end of 1989, O'Connor called Nigel Grainge and Chris Hill She had been trying to rebuild relations with the pair, and felt the tih mixes for I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got ”After we first heard it,” says Hill, ”ere shell-shocked I ment about it, and we couldn't think in terms of whether it was a hit record It is intense I know she thinks it's a happy record, but it doesn't convey happiness-it conveys trauht we didn't like it, and she said, 'It's not for el and I had both been through divorces You listen to so 'The Last Day of Our Acquaintance,' and you knohat it's about We've been there”

Says O'Connor: ”Nigel told me, 'You can't put that out; it's too personal' I said, 'People that like me, like h, as O'Connor sits in her living roo the record, it see to be ined ”If you think about the kind of songs I write,” she says, ”it's strange that they would be commercial Ilike 'Last Day of Our Acquaintance,' and then I think aboutto itIt's really weird”

There is a noise-actually, an ear-splitting screa-room door, and in a moment, O'Connor's two-and-a-half-year-old son, Jake, bounds in, all smiles and whoops He is blond-haired and red-cheeked, and has the same deep eyes as hisin the room He is followed by his father, druracious man, who is home from rehearsals with his own band, Max John and Sinead have some faned a contract for his first novel, and John and Sinead are wondering where to take hi Finally, they settle on a local transvestite club-where a drag queen is reportedly delivering an i Compares 2 U,” replete with tear-and then John and Jake take off to begin dinner Before going, Jake elorious yelp ”He's”I feel like he really wanted to be born-he's such a happy kid”

She falls quiet for a few o,” she says, ”I was having a hard time as far as my personal life was concerned, and thatwell, or anything like that But at the moment, I'm very happy I have a lovely husband, a lovely son, and everything's going wonderfully

”Really, I don't knohat more I could want-except to knowto do when I write songs”

A MONTH LATER, Sinead O'Connor stands before a twenty-three-piece orchestra in London's elegant Whitehall Banqueting House, dressed in a li a lush and sweet version of Cole Porter's ”You Do So to Me” The occasion is a press conference to announce Red Hot & Blue, an upco double album and television special that will feature pop artists like O'Connor, U2, David Byrne, Fine Young Cannibals, and Neneh Cherry, interpreting the music of Cole Porter More important, the project will benefit AIDS charities, as well as disseminate information about the disease and its prevention O'Connor is the press conference's surprise guest, and it is plain from her performance of this Tin Pan Alley chestnut just what an exe's steady but tricky groove, and in those moments when the lyric calls for a subtle roar, she pulls her mouth back from the microphone in the manner of a seasoned jazz vocalist

After her perfor car and heads across town to a full day of rehearsals for her own show In the last feeeks, O'Connor's world has exploded all over again, though this ti Coest record of the year, so far-and earlier in the week, I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got storin a lengthy world tour, and in preparation for it, her life has become filled up with appurtenances-like personal beepers, portable cellular phones, and the nice new blue car in which she is being driven around All these attachs easier and ns of pressure and obligation Plus, there are the demands of real life itself: O'Connor's son, Jake, has had a bad cold in the last week, and O'Connor has been staying up nights with hi In the last couple of days,