Part 11 (1/2)

Considering that I was to a great extent self-taught, that much that I learned I learned after I had become ale It would have been better if I had sought only for the true, the good, the beautiful in what I heard, and read, and saw I ought, perhaps, instead of exercising my critical powers on others, to have contentedthe in all things to set an example of orthy of imitation It may be that I was _naturally_, _constitutionally_ critical; but that does not ht to have warred with my constitutional propensities, and to have kept my critical tendencies within the bounds of prudence and charity

But this wisdoh forattention to practical matters on others, I was myself too ainst_ certain doctrines while rebuking others for being too zealous _for_ them While they were too doctrinal and controversial positively, I was too doctrinal and controversial negatively They erred in going too far; I was too zealous in pushi+ng the: but there were other things in which I was not right They were very foolish; and I was far from wise

I see it, I feel it all, and I lament it too And still I feel the re to reat need of the mercy of God, and of the forbearance and kind consideration of my brethren God help me, if it be not too late, to improve both in wisdom and in Christian virtue My Gracious God, it is Thy wish that Thy people 'should be conforht be the first-born a many brethren' Oh, if I could but approach that point, and be worthy to take solorious embodiive,--ould I not do! If it be possible,

Makelove, Dear Saviour, daily more like Thee

And while the blessed process of transfor on, keep me, O Thou Friend and Saviour of reat and grievous error

_Explanation Fifth Theology and Theologians_

If any think I have been too severe in ians, and on the preachers who ical vanities, and puzzle theical dialect, let them read the remarks of the Rev Joseph Parker, D D, G

Gilfillan, Albert Barnes, John Wesley, Richard Baxter, and others on this subject Quotations fros ive a few of their remarks here, but we must now hasten on with our story

CHAPTER XII

THE STORY CONTINUED WHAT FOLLOWED EXPULSION DESPERATE WORD FIGHTING

ABUSE

I was expelled on a Saturday afternoon I was unable to stay till the closing scene, as I had an engagement to preach anniversary sermons on the Sunday, some thirty miles away But the news soon reached e and indescribable e very important had happened,--that I was placed in a new and serious position, and was entering on a new and untried way of life; but I little dreamt what the results would be I expected an eventful future, but not the kind of future that was really waiting for es; but how strangely different the realities have proved fro faith in God, and a firm trust in His all-perfect Providence, and no one sawwhen I found myself face to face with a terrible host of trials Soht, and left ered by their attachment to me, and fell away Some were influenced by the threats of their masters, and some by the tears and entreaties of their kindred, and reluctantly joined the ranks of ht I should have yielded a point or two, and were vexed at what they called es People who had always heretofore received looed, some wept, and some embraced me with unspeakable tenderness; while some wished me dead, and said it had been better for me if I had never been born

One ed s of the Connexion, and in conde the conduct of my opponents, no sooner saw that I was doo letter I ot the letter in the street, and read it as I walked along It pained me terribly, but it comforted me to think that it had not fallen into the hands of ht see it, and no other soul be afflicted with the treachery and cruelty of the writer, I tore it in pieces, and threw it into the Tyne, and kept the ht have shocked too rudely for endurance

Another man, who had said to ht close their doors against me, his would always be open, proved as faithless as the basest I called one day at his shop

As soon as he saw me, he turned away his eyes, and stood itated with painful and unutterable passion I saw his family move hurriedly from the room behind the shop to another room, as if afraid lest I should step forward into their presence The h, his _shop_ door; but his heart was closed, and he never spoke toas he lived

One day I ith a brother of mine to the house of a trades man in the New Connexion, on a an to abuse ant manner I had always had a favorable opinion of the man, and I quietly answered, ”I can excuse your severity; for you no doubt are acting conscientiously” ”That is ,” he answered, and turned away

There was great excitehout the whole Connexion And while reat nu and very general One-third of the whole Connexion probably separated from my opponents, and formed themselves into a new society Several ministers joined them, and had not the chapels been secured to the Conference, it is probable that the greater portion of the community would have seceded As it was, the existence of the Body seemed in peril, and the leaders found it necessary to strain every nerve to save it from utter destruction

And they were not particular as to the means they used Before my expulsion even my eneed me to be a most laborious and successful minister Now they fabricated and circulated all ave it out that I had broken utter, and wheeled home in a wheelbarrow Then it was discovered that I had not brokena little Spanish juice, so it was said I was eating opiu myself as fast as the poison could destroy one stark mad, and had been smothered to death between two beds A friend came, pale and dismally sorrowful, to condole with my wife on the dreadful catastrophe, and was hiht when he found that I was in the parlor writing, as well and as sane as usual

Then it was reported that I had applied for a place in the h I had up to that time professed views at variance with Calvinism, and had even objected to be a hired minister

When I called for the naed to give a large reward if my slanderers would produce them, they found it was another Joseph that had applied for the place, and not Joseph Barker But the death of one slander seemed to be the birth of two or three fresh ones And soether ”If he had been a good man,” said one, ”he would have stopped in the Connexion quietly, and waited for reform!” ”If he had been an honest o, and not reht in error” I had been ”too hasty” for one, and ”too slow” for another One wrote to assure hteenonon my breast, ready to carry away my soul to eternal torments One sent me a number of my pamphlets blotted and torn, packed up with a piece of wood, for the carriage of which I was charged fros

Another sent me a number of my publications defaced in another ith offensive enclosures that do not admit of description

At one time it was reported that I had died suddenly at Leeds ”After lecturing there one night,” the story said, ”a certain person got upon the platforhtened, that I first turned pale, then fainted, and in two hours breathedat Penrith, in cuhty miles away, at the time I was said to have died at Leeds

Some weeks later it was rumored that I had destroyed myself at Otley

The iven his story the appearance of great truthfulness He said I had gone to lecture at Otley, and on htful and depressed I lectured with my usual freedom and power, but seemed oppressed with so along with h ht for me and inquired for me all about the town, I was nowhere to be found In thefor some cows in a wood on the side of the Chevin, he found me dead and cold, with my throat cut, and the razor in my hand hich I had done the deadly deed The news soon spread, and my body was taken back to Otley, where an inquest was held The verdict was that I had died by my own hand, in a fit of temporary insanity

These stories were printed and published, and circulated through the whole country They were shouted aloud in the street oppositemy absence At first my wife and children were terribly alar, ”The ot so used tomyself in time, that they took such ain, and appeared no worse for the terrible deaths through which I had been made to pass

For a year or two my enee of which they filled with nant slanders The loss of er which threatened the Connexion drove the me without consideration They looked on all I did with an evil eye, and recklessly charged me icked devices which had no existence but in their own disturbed i acted inconsistently with ard to the use ofacted inconsistently with ard to baptism Any tale to my discredit elcome, and the supply of slanderous tales seemed infinite They wrested my words, they belied my deeds, they misinterpreted my motives, they misrepresented the whole course of my life, and the whole texture of my character

One of the pitiful slanders circulated by