Chapter 19 (1/2)

Thank you @ImJustTesting for pointing out my mistakes in previous chapters! ❤

And oh my goodness, this chapter is…

¹Tatay - Nanay is Mom while Tatay is Dad.

²Kokoro - j.a.panese for Heart.

#AchillesHeels

“Bottled toxic feelings, when exposed, can lead vulnerability to own downfall.”

-x-

Breathing became a ch.o.r.e for Jhing—dragging the air in and out of her lungs, trying to get everything inside, especially the outside,  intact—and keep going like she did the past years. She can't escape from him any longer. Jhing must face her fear, her anger, her disgust which were the reason she kept everything bottled inside.

In writing stories, it’s a must that a writer creates conflict for the character to choose between two important things. They must have a hard time choosing what to do where even the readers will go insane because choosing either one will have consequences.

Conflicts will make a character dynamic, relatable and… human.

Jhing was a writer, alright. And she hated the fact that she couldn’t write her own life because she didn’t want to write the day she needed to choose between; to save herself from her Tatay¹ or save her Tatay from her.

She wanted to be selfish, but she couldn’t stand hearing her Nanay’s pleads, apologies, and cries anymore; like what her Nanay did when she gave her savings for his hospital bill.

“Thanks, Jhing,” her mother cried on the phone.

She can also hear her Tatay's screaming ”I don't need any help!”

His sound decreased in volume. It seems like her Mother walked a distance to not let Jhing hear his words. ”Thank you, Jhing, really. I'll pay it back in the future.”

The call ended with Jhing’s silence.

There was no time for crying. She can't explain what she was feeling right now—everything was too much. Jhing needed to force herself to get up from the bed and work to get all the money she lost. The feeling was f.u.c.king h.e.l.l when she withdraws all her money from the bank—she gave everything away for someone who won’t care for her.

d.a.m.n. f.u.c.k. s.h.i.+t s.h.i.+t. s.h.i.+t. s.h.i.+t.

Her Mom was so worried about her Father that she didn't go home even though she already has a high blood pressure. Her brother texted Jhing two weeks after her birthday. Their parents fought the moment they got home so yeah…

Jhing wanted to curse, and she was going to h.e.l.l for thinking: f.u.c.k! We should've let him rot! but she ended up feeling nothing… She tried to feel nothing while all the emotions tried to escape from her. Anger. Fear. Disgust. Hatred.

But she didn't have time to be emotional.

Jhing dragged herself to the office and forced herself to smile when Miko sat next to her in the pantry. Looking at him as he chats with everyone happily made her envy him.

I hope I could smile like him.

“Are you okay?” Miko asked in the middle of lunch. “You're in a daze again. I'm already next to you and you still miss me?”

Jhing tried to smile. “I was thinking of ways to kill you.”

It was Miko’s smile that forced Jhing to not think too much. “Wow, your words are so moving sometimes… just sometimes.”

Jhing started OT'ing with or without pay. Working gave her the reason to not think too much and just go with the flow of reading the ma.n.u.scripts even though some of them are boring. She's in Manila but her mind kept flying away as it worries about her family who's in the province.

When she asked how her Nanay was, the latter only texted: we're ok here. you? dont forget 2 eat and sleep. take care ok. i'll pay the money you lost asap.

But her brother said otherwise: i can hear nanay cry every night in the washroom. tatay hasn't been home either.

Her Mother is good at hiding her pain and it was p.i.s.sing Jhing off but she can't complain when she was the same as her. Ah, like Mother like daughter.

“How can I be optimistic like you?” Jhing asked while staring at the ma.n.u.script she was editing.

On the cubicle next to hers was Miko who also stayed overnight. He was using his laptop while wearing earphones on. He's listening to Screamo so he couldn't hear Jhing's words.

“How do you do it? Cope with a smile?”

Jhing turned to Miko. He was busy drawing ill.u.s.trations. She stared at his lips smiling and singing the lyrics of the song silently and at his relaxed posture that made Jhing thought: How do you do it?

Probably because she was staring too long, Miko noticed her. Without looking away from his laptop, the man gave a knowing smile as he said with a loud voice: ”IS THIS THE MOMENT WHERE YOU WILL CONFESS YOUR UNDYING LOVE FOR ME THAT'S WHY YOU'RE STARING? YOU'RE MELTING ME.”

d.a.m.n! His voice is making her ears bleed!