Part 25 (1/2)
”Wrong again,” said Iff drearily. ”Honest, it's a real shame, the way you can't seem to win any bets at all.”
”If you're not Ismay, what made you hide?”
”Ah!” cried Iff admiringly--”shrewd and pertinent question! Now I'll tell you, and you won't believe me. Because--now pay strict attention--because we're near-twins.”
”Who are twins?” demanded Staff staring.
”Him and me--Ismay and I-double-F. First cousins we are: his mother was my aunt. Worse and more of it: our fathers were brothers. They married the same day; Ismay and I were born in the same month. We look just enough alike to be mistaken for one another when we're not together.
That's been a great help to him; he's made me more trouble than I've time to tell you. The last time, I was pinched in his place and escaped a penitentiary sentence by the narrowest kind of a shave. That got my mad up, and I served notice on him to quit his foolishness or I'd get after him. He replied by cooking up a fine little scheme that almost laid me by the heels again. So I declared war and 've been camping on his trail ever since.”
He paused and twiddled his thumbs, staring reflectively at the ceiling.
”I'm sure I don't know why I bore myself telling you all this. What's the use?”
”Never mind,” said Staff in an encouraging manner; he was genuinely diverted. ”At worst it's a worthy and uplifting--ah--fiction. Go on....
Then you're not a Secret Service man after all?”
”Nothing like that; I'm doing this thing on my own.”
”How about that forged paper you showed the captain?”
”Wasn't forged--genuine.”
”Chapter Two,” observed Staff, leaning back. ”It is a dark and stormy night; we are all seated about the camp-fire. The captain says: 'Antonio, go to it.'”
”You are certainly one swell, appreciative audience,” commented Iff morosely. ”Let's see if I can't get a laugh with this one: One of the best little things my dear little cousin does being to pa.s.s himself off as me, he got himself hired by the Treasury Department some years ago under the name of William Howard Iff. That helped him a lot in his particular line of business. But after a while he felt that it cramped his style, so he just faded noiselessly away--retaining his credentials.
Then--while I was in Paris last week--he thought it would be a grand joke to send me that doc.u.ment with his compliments and the suggestion that it might be some help to me in my campaign for his scalp. That's how I happened to have it.”
”That's going some,” Staff admitted admiringly. ”Tell me another one.
_If_ you're Iff and not Ismay, what brought you over on the Autocratic?”
”Business of keeping an eye on my dearly beloved cousin,” said Iff promptly.
”You mean Ismay was on board, too?”
”'Member that undergrown waster with the red-and-grey Vand.y.k.e and the horn-rimmed _pince nez_, who was always mooning round with a book under his arm?”
”Yes....”
”That was Cousin Arbuthnot disguised in his own hair.”
”If that was so, why didn't you denounce him when you were accused of stealing the Cadogan collar?”
”Because I knew he hadn't got away with it.”
”How did you know?”
”At least I was pretty positive about it. You'll have to be patient--and intelligent--if you want to understand and follow me back to Paris. The three of us were there: Ismay, Miss Landis, myself. Miss Landis was d.i.c.kering with Cottier's for the necklace, Ismay sticking round and not losing sight of her much of the time, I was looking after Ismay. Miss Landis buys the collar and a ticket for London; Ismay buys a ticket for London; I trail. Then Miss Landis makes another purchase--a razor, in a shop near the hotel where I happen to be loafing.”
”A razor!”