Chapter 219: Pathetic (1/2)
”Well… wasn't that an interesting show?” Rakna said blandly and waved his hand. The scenery of the garden returned as the wind returned and Céraiste petals flew up.
Ceres tilted her head. ”I detect something… forlorn in your voice. What is it?”
The therian smiled faintly and sat down in the middle of the flowers with a sigh. ”What I showed you still haunts me for two reasons. The first; the plain and simple wound left by the experimental blood. That's something I hope my Alkahestic Physique or the Sage can fix. The second; what I did when I was under its influence.”
”But it is not-”
”My fault? I know. When I woke up a week later, I remembered everything. It might be surprising to you but I had a relatively clear memory of cutting through all those people. Do you know what I thought of it?”
”No…”
”Nothing,” he stated. ”And that's exactly why it haunts me.”
Ceres opened her mouth, only to close it afterward. She was lost. ”I do not understand.”
”Neither do I,” he said. ”You seem to be under the impression that humans have full understanding of their feelings. It's not the case. You would need to be a… logical monster to do that. I like to think that I'm way up there. But not at the top.”
”A logical monster… you say?”
”Yes. I met someone like that before,” Rakna hummed. ”You could say it's an old friend… but then again, I didn't interact with him too much. Along with Allan, you could say that he was the second unofficial student of my old man. But he wasn't that close to us. It was a guy a year older than me; he went to our school but he graduated before all this mess happened.”
”How was he like?”
”As I said; a monster of logic. A devil of reason, rationality, and expediency. He would reveal things about you that you wouldn't be aware of. What we feel or think; there was no escape. I tried to do it but even with my apathy, it was as if he could read my brain. It was far worse than Fray.”
Ceres tilted her head. ”He sounds… unique.”
”No…” Rakna said and made a small smile at the look of confusion she gave him. ”He was ordinary for the most part. His behavior was normal, his relationships were not unbreakable but they were healthy, his social status wasn't exceptional but it was good, and unlike me, he still could smile at people and laugh at his peers' jokes. Seriously though, do you want to know what truly makes him special?”
”What is it…?”
”A minute after meeting my uncle, he looked at him in the eyes or, well, the closest thing to it he could do, and said 'I guess even demons can grow old, huh?' without hesitation.”
Ceres subtly covered her mouth with her hand. ”That is… a courageous human.”
”And a keen one. Allan and Flavia have known the old man for years but didn't discern his identity and yet, that guy discovered it in a minute. Or maybe he gathered enough hints from me as well before coming to that conclusion.”
”I see… may I ask what you meant by 'the closest thing to it he could do?'”
Rakna smiled faintly. ”Let's say that it's something that makes him ten times more impressive. In any case, I wonder what he would have thought if I had told him the same story. Would he pity me? Doesn't sound like him. Would he be disgusted? That's not even remotely in his nature. Would he be impressed? No, he wouldn't care.”
Ceres listened to her Host with widened eyes. He didn't appear to be just imagining a situation, he was coming to a conclusion of his own by just reminiscing someone. 'That person must have been outstanding to leave a mark so significant… Perhaps a terror on par with Rakna if he had entered the System. This Earth is truly extraordinary…'
”All things considered; he would most likely tell me that I'm pathetic,” Rakna quipped and glanced at something. Ceres followed his gaze and widened her eyes when she saw someone standing a dozen of steps away from them.
He didn't look remarkable and most of his features seemed shadowed. But she could tell he was wearing a sort of uniform and had messy black hair that somewhat covered his eyes and the sides of his face.
”Haunted?” The figure spoke and she blinked in surprise. ”Hah, how pathetic can you get?”
Rakna attentively watched while Ceres grew more and more puzzled.
”Xiorra, let me tell you; if you're really that damn guilty and troubled, why in the fuck are you still alive then? If you plan to feel bad about something you don't even truly care about, why don't you just kill yourself off a bridge and be done with it?”
Ceres gaped and Rakna snickered, ”Yes, I forgot to say he had no filter.”
”You don't give a crap about those you killed because we both know you don't care about people that are not close to you. But because you're so respectful of that old fuck's way of life, you try to force yourself to feel something, even though you're not accountable. Listen, I probably dropped a banana peel before that may have had a tiny chance to kill someone if they slipped on it. Yes, I despise that fruit, so there's no chance it happened, but that's irrelevant.”
Rakna rolled his eyes and Ceres was completely dumbfounded at that point. The figure turned to them and a white unfocused eye gleamed through his bangs.
”Am I supposed to feel guilty for that if it happened? Instead of tying your feet with an imaginary rope, if you are not going to jump off a bridge, then stop whining. Who cares if you don't feel for the strangers you kill? As long as you don't have a fucking orgasm when you do it, I might just conclude that you are not an asshole and deserve to live unburdened.”