Chapter 215: Ceresta (2/2)
She pursed her lips and looked down. ”I apologize…”
”Don't. You have nothing to apologize for. I guess I had it coming. If I'm not even capable of ridding you of worry even though you're always with me, I deserve it. I am the one who has to apologize here,” he sighed. ”I might have to extend the same branch to Higure. Fray… not so much,” he added with a snicker.
He looked up at the sky with a hum. ”How about Ceresta?” He said out of the blue.
”Eh?” She exclaimed.
”Well,” he shrugged. ”I could just remove a letter and go with 'Alex' or 'Lexa' but if I want to redeem myself, I might as well revamp it; you remind me of the Céraiste,” he said and waved his hand at the field in front of them.
Immediately, thousands of flowers grew bloomed with white petals and yellow stamen. They were accompanied by silver-gray leaves and stems.
”Its Latin name is Cerastium Averse,” Rakna continued as she admired the sight. The flowers were glowing from the moonlight, just as he had willed them to. ”Céraiste is the French name and this particular type is called 'cottoneux' or 'tomenteux'. They are also known as 'Snow in the Summer'. I think it suits you,” he said. ”And if you want a nickname, how about Ceres?”
She quietly listened with her gaze transfixed on the flowers. ”Is this warmth… the comfort you were talking about?” She inquired with a hushed voice.
He smiled lightly. ”What do you think?”
”…I like it,” she whispered. ”Can I… keep it as Alexa Ceresta?”
”Of course. It's your name, not mine. But why keep the first one?”
”It was the first one you gave me,” she replied in a heartbeat. ”I do not want to forgo it.”
”I see. That's called being sentimental if that interests you.”
”Sentimental…” She muttered and stood up.
She walked to the flowers and crouched in the middle of them. She poked one and noted that they were very soft. She plucked it out and twirled it before putting it in her hair like a pin. She turned back to Rakna and willfully formed a smile. ”Is this also sentimental?”
He snorted softly. ”Yes… yes, it is.”
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Some time later, Rakna had returned to his meditative position and tried to teach it to Ceres to see if her mind could be heightened without the sequential functioning of her program.
”Close your eyes and feel your breath. Follow the air you inhale and exhale with your mind. If you get distracted, don't fight it, and calmly make your way back to your breath. Don't feel bad if your attention wanders, it's just normal, and a part of the process.”
She dutifully followed the steps and after about ten minutes, Rakna instructed her to slowly open her eyes. When she did so, she had to blink a few times due to dizziness she didn't identify.
”It seems it's easy for you to get rid of distractions,” Rakna commented as he sat cross-legged in front of her. ”So, how do you feel? I don't know what kind of effect meditation could have on an AI as advanced as you.”
”I feel…” She trailed as she tried to find the words.
”Don't think too much about it. Describe it pragmatically.”
”My ideas are more focused,” she ultimately said. ”Normally, I do not possess the ability to 'close my eyes'. At best, it would be a metaphor to shut down my paired connections. It is the same thing for my breath… But after trying it, it is as if everything around me does not need to be within my reach at all times. It makes me feel as if I have everything I need with… the first thing I see when I open my eyes,” she explained uncertainly.
Rakna smiled faintly. ”That's good. It must be a completely different experience compared to me considering what you are. But as long as you appreciated it, I think it's a success.”
Ceres nodded slowly. ”May I ask how your first try at meditation was?”
”Oh, it was bad. It was nowhere near as smooth as yours,” he said with a grunt. ”I was ten when I first tried to do it; it was part of my uncle's training. At the time, I was highly unstable. Far worse than when I entered Systema. I would have bursts of bloodlust when I tried, perhaps the trauma returning to me coupled with the fact that I killed my way out of imprisonment.”
The beautiful doll listened impassively, at least outwardly. She had heard the full story back when he recounted it to Kaelith after his fight with Verias. But hearing it again now gave her a feeling far more uncomfortable than last time. The hands that she was holding together tightened and she failed to notice it.
”It would probably help to precise that back then, I didn't have Obsidian Blood. I only developed that condition years later…” His voice darkened and his eyes dimmed. ”After an incident that came to be etched into my mind as the 'pool of blood'. A silly name, honestly. But that silly thing became the source of my nightmares, despite being the thing that ironically patched me up.”
Ceres was feeling pain, she concluded. She desired to stop her Host from continuing as she knew he wasn't fond of the memory at all. But, another part of her was distressed over another reason. She wished to understand him better. Desperately so.
”May I…” She stopped herself. ”…what happened?” She rephrased it and Rakna flashed a knowing but weak smile.
”I can show you. This is the only place I could ever do it…” He said and raised his hand. As he was speaking, blood began to spill from his palm although there wasn't any injury. The flow became faster and faster. It quickly became a small fountain that started flooding the grass around him.
”Are you sure you want me to? Is this truly something you want to include in your learning?”
She looked at him in the eyes and decisively nodded, ”Yes.”