Part 45 (1/2)
”Because someone else had.”
”It doesn't matter, the fact is you did turn away.”
”I just needed to take it in.”
”I saw the way you looked at me that night.” She shut her eyes. ”I've seen that look before. Oh, you weren't cruel like Robert. There were no names, no accusations, but the result was the same. Stay away from me and mine. I don't accept what you are.” She wrapped her arms tight and cupped her elbows for warmth.
”I'm not going to apologize for having what I think was a very normal reaction. And d.a.m.n it, Ana, I was tired, and half-crazy. Watching you lie there in bed all those hours, and you were so pale, so still. I was afraid you wouldn't come back. When you did, I didn't know how to treat you.
Then you were telling me all of this.”
She searched for calm, knowing it was the best way. ”The timing was bad all around. I wasn't quite strong enough to deal with your feelings.”
”If you had told me before-”
”You would have reacted differently?” She glanced toward him. ”No, I don't think so. But you're right. I should have. It was unfair, and it was weak of me to let things go as far as they did.”
”Don't put words in my mouth, Ana. Unless you're, what do you call it- linked? If you're not linked with me, you don't know what I'm feeling. It hurt that you didn't trust me.”
She nodded, brus.h.i.+ng a tear from her cheek. ”I know. I'm sorry.”
”You were afraid?”
”I told you I was a coward.”
He frowned, watching the hair blow around her face as she stared out at the moon-kissed sea. ”Yes, you did. The night you came across my sketch. The one of the witch. That upset you.”
She shrugged. ”I'm oversensitive sometimes. It was just the mood. I was-”
”About to tell me, and then I scared you off with my evil witch.”
”It seemed a difficult time to tell you.”
”Because you're a coward,” he said mildly, watching her. ”Let me ask you something, Ana. What did you do, exactly, to Jessie that day?”
”I linked. I told you I'm an empath.”
”It hurt you. I saw.” He took her arm, turning her to face him. ”Once you cried out, as if it were unbearable. Afterward, you fainted, then slept like the dead for more than a day.”
”That's part of it.” She tried to push his hand away. It hurt too much to be touched when her defenses were shattered. ”When the injuries are so serious, there's a price.”
”Yes, I understand. I asked Morgana. She said you could have died. She said the risk was very great because Jessie-” He could hardly say it. ”She was gone, or nearly. And you weren't just fixing some broken bones, but bringing her back from the edge. That the line is very fine, and it's very easy for the healer to become the victim.”
”What would you have had me do? Let her die?”
”A coward would have. I think your definition and mine are different.
Being afraid doesn't make you a coward. You could have saved yourself and let her go.”
”I love her.”
”So do I. And you gave her back to me. I didn't even thank you.”
”Do you think I want your grat.i.tude?” It was too much, she thought.
Next he would offer her pity. ”I don't. I don't want it. What I did I did freely, because I couldn't bear to lose her, either. And I couldn't bear for you-”