Part 27 (1/2)
”Is that so?” says the wife, her voice as cold as Cape Nome. ”Why didn't you marry her then instead of me?”
”She didn't ask me till it was too late,” I says, grinnin' like a wolf.
”Here, here!” says Alex. ”How is it you people is always quarrelin'
every time I come here for a visit?”
”We figure you'll get sore and beat it,” I says.
”Now, boys,” says Eve, ”let's forget we are all one family and be friends. Why aren't you folks out celebratin' peace to-night?”
”We wasn't invited,” I says. ”And I have bought my last ticket from a speculator.”
”Invited?” says Eve, which always takes everything except Alex serious.
”Why, all New York seems to be on Broadway!”
”That's what people from Chicago always thinks,” I says. ”But they's more to the town than that.”
”Oh, hush that near comedy,” says the wife. ”C'mon, we're going to see 'Wronged By Mistake.'”
”I'll see Beryldine Nearer,” I says in a loud and angry voice, ”or we don't go nowhere!”
We went to see ”Wronged By Mistake.”
The movin' picture company which is responsible for this film claims it cost them $100,000 to make the picture. Maybe it did, I don't know.
What I do know is that it cost me $1000 to see it! Why? Lend me your ears, as the dumb guy said.
The hero of this here picture was no less than Carrington De Vire.
This guy's name is familiar in burgs where they don't know if Wilson or Was.h.i.+ngton is still president of the United States. His name is on more collars than you ever seen and he gets more money a week than you and me makes in six years, even if you cut his advertised salary in half. He's prob'ly caused more girls to take their pens in hand than any ma.s.sage cream in the world and to say he is a handsome dog is like remarkin' that the Grand Canyon is pleasant to look at. The only magazine which ain't printed his photo at least once with a auto, a country place and a coupla trick dogs at his side is the _Hardware Trade Review_ and the _Steamfitters' Friend_.
The minute Carrington De Vire appears on the screen and gives the natives a treat by presentin' one and all with a pleasant smile, the wife and Eve begins to rave about him out loud. He kisses the leadin'
woman and they let forth a sigh which would of made me jealous only I got too much brains. The villain slams him, prob'ly because he got sick of lookin' at the big fathead, and the women groans. He knocks the villain kickin' and they applaud their hands off and when he fights his way through a gang of supes which will lose their jobs if they don't fall when he hits 'em, I thought most of the female part of the audience would pa.s.s away with joy!
”I think he's simply wonderful, don't you?” murmurs Eve to the wife.
They is no argument about it.
Alex give a snort.
”If they's anything wonderful about that feller,” he says, ”then I'm more astonis.h.i.+n' than wireless. Anybody can do that stuff! Why--”
”Why, the idea!” b.u.t.ts in Eve. ”I actually believe you're jealous. I think Carrington De Vire is simply divine--marvelous!”
”Wait till you see Niagara Falls,” I says.
”Both of them are jealous,” says the wife. ”I'm surprised at Alex saying that any one could act as well as Carrington De Vire. Why, I think he's got Faversham beaten a mile. You have to be born with talent like that!”
”I think the wife's right in one thing at last,” I says. ”I like them male movie heroes and carbolic acid the same way, but you got to hand it to this bird--he's _some_ actor! Yep, Alex, you can't learn that stuff out of no book, you gotta be born with it.”
”You're all crazy!” announces Alex, with another snort. ”I can go out right now and dig up a dozen fellers which never seen a camera in their life and they'll duplicate anything Carrington De Vire ever did on a screen. Where does he get off to be wonderful? Some feller with brains writes a play, another feller with money puts it on and then another feller with technical knowledge tells De Vire, which ain't got none of them things, where to stand and the like while he acts it.