Part 19 (1/2)
And so he set down the picture and the package and went to her, praying as he walked that she might see in his eyes the truth about who he was now, who he had become again. He had learned so much about evil, what he could do about it and what he couldn't. He couldn't stop a bullet or rid the city of every crook or terrorist that came along. He would get rid of as much evil as he could, but he would also remember that evil won most when it won in his heart.
Something he would never let it do again.
He came to her slowly, and with every step the walls and years and distance between them faded away. When he was so close he could smell the scent of the shampoo she used in her hair, he stopped and looked at her, looked into the deepest parts of her.
”Alex ... is it really you?” Her words came out as a whisper. She took off her sungla.s.ses, and unshed tears made her eyes sparkle in the sunlight.
They'd hugged the other day, but they hadn't held hands since the day before 9/11. Sometimes Alex would be driving in his squad car, patrolling the streets of LA, and he'd remember the sensation of her hands in his with such force that it took his breath. He still didn't have any idea whether she had a boyfriend or even a fiance, but no one could touch what they'd shared all those years ago. So now, when words could never capture the extent of his feelings, he did the only thing he knew to do.
He held out his hands.
Holly made a soft sound that was more cry than laughter, but she must've understood what he was feeling because she took a step closer and slowly, tenderly wove her fingers between his. The sensation was magic, and it lifted everything he had ever felt for her to a higher degree that almost frightened him. He didn't want to ask, but he couldn't wait much longer. He could feel himself falling beyond anything he'd ever felt before. ”Is ... is there someone in your life, Holly?”
She kept looking deeper into his eyes. ”No.” She seemed tentative, as if she didn't believe this was really happening here, now. ”You?”
”No one. Never.”
Her fingers pressed in a little deeper between his. ”Me neither.”
He could smell the sweetness of her skin, and all he wanted was to take her in his arms and kiss her, so she would know without a doubt how he felt about her. But first he had to at least try to make himself understood. ”I ... I became someone else after my dad died in that tower.”
”I know.” A well of sadness rang in her voice, and she smiled through fresh tears. ”I watched it happen, remember?”
He eased one of his hands free, and with his thumb he brushed back a piece of her blonde hair. ”I'm sorry, Holly. I was blinded by what happened.” He put his hand over his chest. ”But in here, you never left me.” He placed his fingers along the side of her face. ”You were always in my heart.”
”Right next to you.” With her free hand, she gently touched the muscles in his jawline. ”Because you - the Alex I knew - were always inside your heart too. No matter how hard you tried to become someone who didn't care.” She tilted her head, her eyes beyond tender now. ”I never stopped loving you, Alex. I always believed someday I'd find you again.”
”Holly ...” Bittersweet joy rushed through his veins and swelled his heart, filling him with feelings he hadn't known before this moment. But he didn't celebrate just yet. ”It would've been so easy for you to forget me, move on. I'm sorry.” He worked his fingers into the soft hair at the nape of her neck. ”Can you ever forgive me?'
There was only the two of them and nothing else. Not the planes overhead or the traffic on the busy streets outside headquarters. Not the chairs or the memorial service or any of it. Holly's sad smile was as familiar as home. ”No, Alex.”
”No?” His heart pounded, and her nearness made his breathing faster than before.
Her smile faded, but her eyes had never loved him more. ”No, you could never have been easy to forget.” She blinked back the s.h.i.+ne in her eyes. ”And, yes, I forgive you.”
It was going to happen. He was going to kiss her like some scene from a distant dream. Alex searched her eyes, her face. His body trembled from the intense love he felt in that moment. ”I've never loved anyone but you. I tried, but a part of me never stopped.” Then, because he couldn't force his brain to think of another coherent word until he did what he was longing to do, he touched his lips to hers and, in a dance as old as time, they came together, lost in the moment, lost in each other.
The kiss lasted a long time, but it wasn't one of crazy pa.s.sion or physical desire - although that place wasn't far off. Instead, it was a kiss that erased the years and doubts and told of a love neither of them had forgotten. He tasted her tears as the kiss grew, and when finally they eased back and caught their breath, his cheeks were wet too.
She wiped them with the softest touch of her thumb. ”I'm sorry ... about Bo.”
Alex sucked in a quick breath and lifted his chin, his eyes on the blue sky overhead. ”He was a good partner.”
”I wish I'd known him longer.” She sniffed and hugged him, swaying just a little as they allowed the memory of the dog to stand with them for a moment.
Again Alex wished he had more tangible ways to remember Bo, something he could've shared with Holly. Then he remembered Jamie's gift. She'd given him a package and said something about not being sure if Alex had anything like it. ”Wait,” he eased free of her embrace and took hold of her hand. ”Come with me. I need to open Jamie's package.”
Holly kept up with him, her fingers still laced between his, the feeling something Alex never wanted to lose again. They reached the first row, and Alex let go briefly so he could open the gift. Holly stayed by his side, watching, waiting.
He lifted the lid of a white box, and inside, beneath a few pieces of tissue paper, was a framed collage that made Alex catch his breath. The pictures in the frame were several beautiful shots of him and Bo on the Michaels' front porch, and one amazing photo of Bo all by himself. Regal and loyal, his eyes exactly as Alex would always remember them. The moment came rus.h.i.+ng back, Jamie's awkward picture-taking so she could find a way to talk to him about his past. He had been grateful since then for the risks she'd taken, for giving him the copied page from Jake's journal, and playing a part in helping him find his way back to the Lord.
But he'd forgotten about the pictures until now.
”He looks so strong, so beautiful.” Holly touched the side of the frame. ”These are amazing.”
”I ... I didn't think there were any pictures like this.” Alex covered the frame with the tissue papers again. He would thank Jamie later, Jamie and Clay, and Joe and his wife - because all of them had prayed for him to find his way back. He knew that from conversations he'd had with Clay in the last few days.
As he fit the lid back on the box, his fingers brushed against hers, and electricity shot through him. He framed her face with his hand and kissed her again. ”I can't believe this is happening.”
”Only G.o.d could've done this.” She kissed him again, more slowly than before. Then they collected the gift from Jamie and the framed photo on the easel and headed inside.
As they walked, Alex marveled at the goodness of G.o.d, who had given him the most wonderful parents, and a dog he would remember forever. G.o.d who had helped him understand that the condition of his heart was far more critical than the condition of the world, and who had spared him from certain death in the midst of towering flames. But beyond all that, he marveled that G.o.d would give him this.
A second chance with Holly.
THIRTY-TWO.
Linda held her son's elbow as he led her down the center aisle of the stunning little chapel on the hill at Pepperdine University, the one that overlooked the beach where Alex and Bo used to go on their rare days off. A hundred or so deputies and their families, and a handful of Holly's friends filled the pews. The air smelled of salt and suns.h.i.+ne and seawater.
They reached the front right pew and Alex kissed her cheek. ”I love you, Mom.”
”Love you too, Son.” She held on a few seconds longer, still amazed at the transformation in him. ”I'm so happy for you.”
”Thanks.” Alex leaned past her to his stepfather, Lee, who was already seated. Alex shook his hand. ”Good to see you, sir.”
”Yes,” the two shared a sincere smile. Lee's voice filled with pride. ”It's all so very good.”
Alex patted his mother's hand and then left them and went to stand at the front of the church next to the pastor. Linda sat down and tried to catch her breath. If it was all just a dream, she wanted to wake up now before they went any further. But that was the most amazing part of the story. It was real. She sat back against the hard wooden bench and remembered again how she'd found out the news. It had been Veteran's Day - November 11 - just before dinner. The buzzer sounded, and Lee pushed the b.u.t.ton to open the apartment building door. But when Linda asked who it was, Lee only smiled and said, ”Delivery.”
Five minutes later, Lee opened the front door and Alex walked in holding the hand of Holly Brooks. Linda still had to allow a quiet laugh when she thought of the way she must've looked. ”Alex,” her mouth stayed open and she turned to Holly. ”What ... how could ...?”
Lee came to her and steadied her until she was able to form a complete sentence. In the meantime, Alex explained that after the fire and losing Bo, he and Holly had found common ground again. ”The two of us and G.o.d too.” He came to her and hugged her. ”I've missed so much, but no more, Mom. Not after this.”
After a month of seeing each other every day, Alex had done what Linda had always hoped he would do. He had asked Holly's mother for permission and then purchased an engagement ring for her. They had a lot of years to make up for, and they wanted counseling from the pastor who would marry them, so the wedding was set for Sat.u.r.day, March 7.
”We wanted to tell you in person.” Alex moved back, and Holly took his place, with hugs of her own.
Linda laughed and cried and told Alex and Holly and Lee over and over again that she had prayed for this and believed for this all along. Alex and Holly stayed for dinner, and the truth came out - Lee had known about the surprise for a week. The next morning they all took a trip to Ground Zero and St. Paul's Chapel, and Alex talked about how he had connected with Jamie Bryan, and how she had worked in the church for three years after 9/11 and showed him the journal entry about his father.
Before Alex and Holly left for Los Angeles again, Linda and Lee prayed with them, asking G.o.d to protect them and thanking Him for this new chance at love. Now Linda smiled at her handsome son as the music began to change. That November weekend was one she'd remember forever.
But it wouldn't come close to the one that was about to play out.
Alex still couldn't believe Holly had said yes. After how he'd treated her, she could easily have told him no or asked for more time. But she stuck with what she'd told him that tender day of Bo's memorial service. She had always believed that the Alex she had fallen in love with as a teenage girl was still in his heart somewhere.
He clasped his hands behind him and watched the door at the back of the church. So much had changed in the last four months. He was moving ahead in his SWAT training, but he wasn't working overtime anymore. His time at headquarters was rich and fulfilling, the way it always would be. But it was a job. His faith, his love for Holly, his friends - those were his life now. Six times already, he and Holly had met up with Clay and Jamie and the others for dinner at the Michaels' house.