Chapter 32 (1/2)

hi my lovely fans(: I can't believe this is the last time I am posting. I just wanted to tell you thank you for reading my work.It really has been a magical experience for me.I hope you enjoy this chapter as it is the last chapter of Trusting Logan.

Gosh I made it like 12 pages on word. Sorry it is short ):

It had been hours since I closed the letter and put it under my pillow but my heart was stilling beating so fast that it felt like it would jump out at any second. I thought reading that letter would make me feel differently, better. I thought it would tell me something important and I guess it was some good advice, but other than that, it was just a bunch of words. All I got from the letter is that everyone thinks I am a big baby that cannot handle the truth and that I am to naïve to see the bad in people. Every person in my life has said or showed that they felt this way, Baca, Josh, my mom, Logan and even Emily. Am I really that much of a child that nobody feels they can tell me anything? And to make matters worse, I cannot ask anybody about this because then I would have to show them the dumb letter. It is not like I can go to Josh and be like Rebecca left out of the blue. What is your take? He would just think I was crazy. I wonder if Logan knows anything. Would he even tell me if I asked? Probably, but he would have told me if he knew. He knows how much her leaving tortures me even if I never say it.

I woke up the next morning to the scorching sun burning into my back. Uhhh. Why does the sun have to be so bright and hot? I groan aloud and hear someone chuckle. ”Not a good morning Ambs?” If I did not like him, so much I am pretty sure I would strangle him.

Angrily I ask, ”What do you want Logan?”

He laughs again at me and I try my very hardest to resist the urge to be mean. ”Your mom sent me in here to wake you up for our shopping trip.” How can he be so happy this early in the morning?

”Why did she have to volunteer me to go with you?” I say a bit bitterly.

”Ambi Bambi stop being such a sour apple and get dressed.” He says a little roughly.

”Yeah I am getting up. Jeez. I hate how happy you are.” I say finally getting off my bed to make way to my closet. I grab a pair of shorts and a Beatles tank top and head towards the bathroom. ”Okay I am up and heading towards the bathroom so you can tell my mom.” He walks up to me and kisses my forehead before walking out of my room. When I am dressed and ready to shop, I go downstairs and find my mom and Logan talking.

”Morning.” My mom says to me handing me a glass of orange juice and a toast. ”Okay eat up we have a lot to do today. Let me go grab my purse and we can leave.”

I munch on my bread and look at Logan staring outside the window deep in thought. ”Logan.”

He does not reply for a couple of seconds but then finally looks at me and smiles. ”Yes Ambs?”

”Are you okay?” I ask.

He looks at me once more and smiles. ”Just Peachey.”

I giggle and rub his knee under the table as my mom walks in. Logan gives me a cocky smirk and I roll my eyes at him.

”Okay let’s go kids.” My mom says leading us to the car but handing Logan the keys. ”Can you drive? I hate the big hill we have to take to get to the mall.” Logan grabs the keys and I ride shotgun. The whole trip to the mall my mom has her eyes closed and is lying back comfortably in her seat. I smile at her and turn to Logan who is giving me what can only be described as a naughty smile. He leans in slowly and kisses me full on the lips. When he pulls away, I can tell he is trying his hardest not to laugh at my shocked face that is looking between him and my mom. He is crazy. What if she had woken up? I would get angry but then again he would not be Logan if he took the safe route. Besides life never has a dull moment when I am with Logan.

When we reach the mall, I gently wake my mom up and she hops out of the car clearly extremely excited about going to the mall. ”Okay where should we start? Oh actually we can start at Bloomingdales looking for your dress Amber. “She says to me as she begins to march determinedly into the mall. I groan and follow behind her with Logan hot at my tail.

”Ambi Bambi it won't be that bad. You’re a girl shopping should not be such a chore.”

”Yeah well I hate shopping for dresses because I hate having to keep changing. I wish I could be like a perfect size so that I never had to try clothes on to make sure they fit around my butt or boobs.”

Logan looks at me quizzically but then shrugs his shoulders, presumably deciding he rather not know what I mean. I grab his hand and pull him so he will walk faster. When we both enter the store mom is already running through the dresses. ”Oh there you two are. What color do you think she should wear?” She asks Logan completely ignoring me.

”Please act like I don't exist.” I mumble sarcastically so only Logan can hear.

”Um... I think Amber looks lovely in... Purple.” Logan says looking at me. I giggle because his cheeks are a little pink. Mom seems to think he looks quite adorable to because she touches his cheek and laughs at him. If Logan looked pink before after mom touched his cheek he was bright red.

Mom starts her search again trying to find dresses in purple. As soon as she is out of ear shot, ”Aww Logan.” I say pinching his cheeks.

”Quit it.” He says embarrassed and slightly grumpy.

”You looks so cute with your wattle pink cheeks.” I say giving him a kiss on the cheeks. The second my lips touch his cheeks a cocky grin appears on his face. I laugh at him and playfully hit his arm for being such a boy.

Grumbling, ”Ouch. What was that for?”

I look at his arm to make sure I did not actually hurt him and then say, ”For taking my cute embarrassed boyfriend and turning him back into you.”

He rolls his eyes at me not really caring and says, ”Oh honey bunny no need to hide that you really wanted to kiss me.”

”Oh puh-lease your cute but not that cute.” I say darkly.

Pointing to his dumb grinning face he says, ”Can't undo this smile. Sorry.”

I roll my eyes yet again and ”So I look good in purple?” I say with a sly smile.

”Uhhh. You’re never going to let me forget this are you?”

”Nope. I wish I had taken a picture so when I tell this story to people they can see how red your cheeks really were.”

When we arrive home from the mall, Logan and I go straight upstairs both excessively tired from having to walk around with mom the entire day. Logan said he would meet me in my room later in the night so I just went to take a quick shower before I go to bed. My quick shower however became much longer because as soon as the hot water hit my skin I was so enticed I could not turn off the water. Finally, after pruning up from the hot water I grudgingly turn off the water and get changed into a pair of shorts and a shirt.

I walk out of the bathroom and am not surprised to see Logan sitting on my bed, but what surprises me is that he is holding the letter Baca left me. Looking at Logan's face, I can tell he is upset.

”Ambs, what is this?”

I shrug my shoulders like it is no big deal and hope he will not ruin this for me. ”A letter Rebecca left me.”

”Ambs did she just send you this?”

”No she left it for me before she left.”

He walks up to me pulling me towards the bed to sit down next to him. ”Ambi, why are you holding on to this?” He asks softly.

”Logan, she is my sister and this letter is all I have left of her.” I state obviously.

”Ambs I know that you miss her and holding onto this letter is important but it is not healthy for you to hold on to this like your waiting for her.”

I do not know why but Logan saying that makes me snap. ”I know holding on to a letter won’t bring her back, but she said she would come back one day for me.” I say yelling at him.

His blue eyes soften and he holds my hand, ”I know what she must have said, but it has been a really long time. I just do not want to see you get your heart broken again waiting for her or worse be disappointed that she was not at perfect as you remember. Ambs sometimes when people leave it is for the best.”

”She will comeback for me, I know she will.”

Logan wipes away some stray tears. ”I hope your right, but promise me you won't go looking for her or snooping around trying to find stuff out about where she is. Not even to Josh or your mom.”

I begin to nod my head but then,” What do my mom and Josh know Logan?”

”I- Just promise me you will not ask them anything anymore. Your mom and Josh have been through enough Amber.”

”LOGAN WHAT DO THEY KNOW?” I scream angry.

”Shh….everyone will hear you.”

”I don't care. Tell me what they know, what you know.”

”Ambi. I do not think I should. They obviously didn't tell you for a reason.”

”Logan. Please. I am not a little baby.” I say with a pleading face.

”I know that.”

”Then why does everyone insist on treating me like one?”

”We just want to protect you. I know how much you loved your sister, but she wasn't as perfect as you remember.”

”Well yeah. Nobody is perfect.”

”What do you remember of Rebecca leaving?”

”Erm. I don't know. It was like one second she was there, all happy and silly, and then the next she was gone. I remember her being really upset about something and having a fight with mom and dad, but that was normal. ”

”Did you know when Rebecca left she was pregnant?”

”What? No. She would have told me.”

”She was.”

”She left because she wanted the baby and the parent's wouldn't let her have it?”

”Yeah basically.”

”So they pushed her away?” I say furiously.

”No you didn't let me finish. When Rebecca left, she was pregnant. Did you know she was also a drug addict?” This time I kept my mouth shut just taking in what Logan said. ”She left because your parent's wanted her to give up the baby because they didn't think she could raise it. They were afraid that she wouldn't be able to quit the drugs long enough to have the baby and even if she did what would happen to the child. Rebecca was furious when they said they wouldn't help her out. Before you get all mad at your parent's you have to understand that, they wanted a lot more for your sister than what she had gotten. Rebecca didn't want the path they choose for her which is understandable. But anyway, she started to hang out with Jayden towards the end of her senior year. Rebecca was crazy about him. From what your brother and I remember, he was a sketchy person. He used to take Rebecca out and get her totally wasted and just leave her at the doorsteps not even bothering to make sure she made it inside okay. Rebecca ignored that part for some reason. She was so sure that Jayden was the one so when news of the pregnancy came along she was excited. So when your parent's came and burst her bubble she ran. Your parent's went to the police, but they couldn't do anything because Rebecca was 18, an adult. They said it was her choice, the most they could do is get her whereabouts for the family.”

”No. No. No. NO. She wasn't an addict. She wasn't like that. You’re lying.” I say hitting Logan as he tries to hug me.

”Ambi I wouldn't lie to you and you know it.” Logan pulls me into a warm embrace as I cry. Of all the things that I though Rebecca was a drug addict was never one of them. This wasn't my sister. I mean I knew she drank and stuff but I never thought she had a problem. She was always sane when I was with her. ”Sshhh. It's okay. “Logan whispers in my ear softly.

I don't know when exactly I fell asleep that night but when I woke up I was still in Logan's arms. He had no doubt stayed with me the whole night.

”Morning.” He whispers sweetly into my ear.

”Mmm. Morning.” I say back. He looks at my face, studying me. He is probably thinking I am about to cry some more, but I think I had cried enough last night to last me a lifetime. I didn't even know people cry that much. ”I am fine.”

”You sure?” He asks looking concerned.

”Yeah. Crying can't change anything.” I say.

”Yes, but sometimes crying is just what you need to do to feel better.”

”Yeah well I don't feel better. I feel ugly.” I croak.

”You are not ugly.” He says looking into my eyes.

”You’re my boyfriend Logan. You thinking I am not ugly doesn't count.” I say half smiling.

”I would think your beautiful either way.” Logan says kissing my forehead. He didn't bring up Baca, which I was grateful for. I think if he had, I might actually start crying again. I just couldn’t wrap my head around this. I mean the Baca I knew was so different then the Rebecca Logan told me about. Baca was carefree, strong, and confident. This Rebecca sounded like she was lost and in pieces.

A little while later Logan left and let me, take a shower. He seemed reluctant to leave, but I convinced him I was okay enough to shower by myself. I was glad because I think I need some time to think or not think. I took a hot numbing shower trying to get lost in the water to not have the B word pop into my head.

I think it is more crushing knowing that I had always idolized my sister and having Logan tell me the truth about her kind of hurt more. If I had known all my life that she had a problem and that was why she left I would have been able to accept it and move on, but not knowing I created this pedestal for her because I thought she was so great. It is like when you’re small and you actually believe in the tooth fairy, then one day someone comes and tells you the tooth fairy doesn't exist. It is like learning that some of the magic of your little life isn't magic at all; just your parent's fooling you into believing there is magic only to crush you later. I never believed in the tooth fairy but I always thought that on my 11th birthday I would get a letter from Hogwarts. The day I didn’t get one, I was completely heartbroken.

After taking a shower and throwing on some clothes, I slowly make my way down to the kitchen. The family and Logan are all sitting around the table. Everyone is laughing and smiling. For a brief second I am frustrated beyond words that they can just sit here all happy and jolly when everything that I thought about my family is completely a mess, but then I remember that all of them have dealt with their issues of Baca besides me. I sit down quietly at the table and drink some of the orange juice that mom puts in front of me. Logan gives my hand a light squeeze.

”Amber honey, show your father how you look in your dress after brunch.” Mom says to me cheerfully. Then she turns to dad and says, “Sweetie she looks so darling in it and Logan was right, purple really does look quite nice on her.” Everyone laughs at my mom's excitement.

”Logan? What are you wearing?” Josh asks smirking at Logan.

Before Logan can even answer, though mom cuts in. ”Oh he is wearing this very nice suit I found him. Classic black and with a matching tie to Amber's dress. They look so adorable together.” And so brunch proceeds with talks about the wedding and plans for the day.

After brunch, I help mom clean up the table a bit. She goes on and on about makeup and jewelry. For once, I am actually happy that my mom keeps talking. Her constant yammering distracts me from thinking about Baca.

When the morning for Logan's dad's wedding came I was extremely nervous, not for myself but for Logan. I had put all my thoughts, emotions, and problems about Rebecca in the back of my head because today is really important for Logan. Veronica had called and checked again to make sure that Logan was coming for what seems like the nth billion time. I felt somewhat bad for her because she was supposed to be getting married today and she was all freaked out about Logan. I had yelled at Logan, making him call her to say he would come and not to worry. She seemed relieved or at least that is what Logan had said.

We reach Logan's old house a couple minutes before the ceremony is about to start. The house is decorated with lights and flowers everywhere. It looks absolutely enchanting. Logan parks the car across the seat and opens my door for me. I smile and take his hand. He playfully nudges me on my side.

”Nervous?” I ask as we walk into the house because Logan's hand is sweating.

”No.” He replies too quickly.

”Really? So then you popped a water balloon in your hand before you held mine.” I say giggling.

”Oh sorry.” He says letting go of my hand. I laugh as his cheeks turn a slight barely there pink.

”It's okay. So where do you want to sit?”

”The back so if I decide I want to leave we can escape without making a scene.”

”Logan, he is your dad. No matter where you leave from your making a scene.”

”Fine then where should we sit?” He says grumpily.

”The front on the groom's side.”

He groans but pulls lightly pushes me towards the front. ”Happy?”

I smile at him and give him a kiss on the cheek. ”Don't worry Peachey it will be done quick. I promise.”

”Yeah. Want to go make out in my old room later?”

I giggle. ”You'd like that, wouldn't you?”

He smirks and then leans in close like he is going to say something but nibbles on my ear. I resist the urge to moan and try to push him off lightly. When he pulls back, he is laughing evilly. ”You want me.”

”I was so going to go with you to your room but now that you did that never mind. I don't want to.”

He rolls his eyes at me and says, ”Yeah sure you don't.” I turn to face forward and decide I am ignoring him but he leans into my ear again this time he says, ”You look beautiful.”

I smile up at him and say, ”You look beautiful too Peachey.”

”Right, that is what every guy wants to hear from his girlfriend that he looks beautiful.”

Trying my hardest not to laugh I say, ”Not my fault you’re feminine.” He rolls his eyes at me again and this time he turns to face forward. ”I am just kidding. You look very hot.”

”I know. I just wanted you to say it.”

”You make me regret ever being nice to you sometimes Peachey.”

”No you don't. You can't help it.” He says smirking like a cocky bastard.

”Whatever. Hey isn't that your grandma?” I say pointing to a old lady wearing a pink suit with a flower hat.

”Yeah. I can't believe she showed up.”

”Well it is her son getting married.” I point out.

”Yeah but she hasn't talk to dad since the divorce.” He says gawking at his grandmother.

”Well maybe she embraced the motto forgive and forget.”