Chapter 21 (1/2)

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recap: Logan and Ambs have there heart to heart [super cute if i do say so myself]

Then Adam kisses Amber in front of Logan [that was super sad]

NOW!!!!!!!!

A week goes by and I don't talk to Logan once. He completely ignores me and I try apologizing to him but I know that my apologies are stupid because I am still Adam's girlfriend and all. I try and ignore the knots I get in my stomach every time I am with Adam because I feel guilty for doing this to him, but every time I try bringing myself to say I can't see him anymore it seems like a bad time. How do you break up with someone at school or on the beach? It seems to public. If I broke up with him at school then every person who walked by him and me would know that we split up. If I break up with him at the beach, I would never be able to go to the beach without remembering how I had broken up with Adam at the beach. If I go to his house then his sister and family would know I broke up with him.

I go to school on Monday morning following in my daily routine. I hop into Josh's car and ignore Josh and Jennifer being disgustingly sweet the whole ride. I don't particularly like Jennifer but she is different with my brother. I can tell she actually likes him and she makes an effort to be nice to me or be not mean to me, which in Jennifer world is the same thing. I walk up to group and see Logan ignoring me, and Adam smiling with sparkling green eyes. He leans down and kisses me full on the lips and Logan stands there just watching. I blush and try to look like I actually love Adam kissing me in front of everyone when I secretly think pda is tacky and that Logan is a better kisser. After this, the morning bell rings and Adam walks me to class. We sit together at lunch with Emily, Tyler, Cody, Josh, Jennifer, Rick, and of course Logan. He usually sits alone well without a sluty girl, which I won't complain about. Whenever our eyes meet, he turns away really quickly or just stares at me with a sad heartbroken look. I am not sure whether I like it better when he ignores me or just gives the stare, but I think I like the sad stare because at least this way he acknowledges my presence. When lunch is over Adam takes my hand and walks me to class. He gives me a kiss right before I enter into the classroom. After school, I stand at the parking lot waiting for Josh, as always he takes forever, and we drive straight home. I run up the stairs and look at the room across mine. I walk a little closer, hear music playing, and smell Logan. I debate on whether I should just go and say sorry or just accept his ignorance as the answer.

Walking into my room, I collapse on my bed, thinking about what a mess I have made of everything. I have no idea why I thought that being with Logan was going to make all my problems go away. I mean my problems are still the same as those that I had realized I had on the football field after the big game. I guess I thought if I was happy then I could face them or something. Sighing I walk into my closet and pull out my oil paints. I let the numb feeling I have take over me and paint the beautiful night sky I can see from the back window in my closet. I know, odd to have a closet with a window, but my closet is bigger than my room, so really is it that surprising to find a window in it too? I guess that is something I should thank my mom for. She was the one who had them make me a window in my closet so I could get some ”natural light” and maybe some color for my pale skin.

I paint until my hands are covered with the beautiful blues and purples of the night sky and my eyes are drooping from exhaustion. I finally finish at three in the morning when I curl up into bed.

”Ambs Wake up?” I hear someone say to me. I mumble words of annoyance and try to go back to sleep. I hear a sigh from someone and then hands shaking me. Annoyed from lack of sleep I bite them. I curl up into a ball as I hear them leave my room. Finally peace and quiet.

”AHHHHHH!” I scream as the cold water is poured onto me. ”WHAT THE MONKEY CRAP IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

”You shouldn't have bit me if you didn't want water to be poured on you.” Logan says in an angry tone. I bite my lip to stop myself from smirking. Secretly, I am glad I bit him. Stupid butt head deserves it. Waking me up hella early in the morning. I grab my blankets and curl up into a ball once more. I don't care about attendance or anything all I want to do is sleep. My head hurts and my eyes burn though I probably shouldn't paint into the early mornings. ”Ambs wake up! We are going to be late. You have like 20 minutes to get dressed otherwise your walking.”

”Fine whatever. I don't want to go to school. I don't feel good.” I say. I feel my bed move and Logan put his hand on my head to check my temperature.

”You feel fine.”

”Can't you just get Josh to tell the school I'm sick?”

”What's in it for me? I am the one who is lying to my dear friend.” Logan says.

”Are you gonna tell him or should I?” I say clearly today is not my day. I sound like a biznatch. Maybe I am usually but today I am a snappy biznatch.

”Yeah.” He says grabbing his phone and calling in for me. ”I called in and said you're sick.”

”Thanks. Have a nice day.” I say to Logan. I hear him leave my room as I wrap the blanket around me tightly and go back to sleep. When I wake up this time its noon. I hop out of bed, take a quick shower, and throw on a loose tank top that shows my bra and a pair of panties. Hey. I am home alone, might as well have a comfortable time and it's like super hot. I make my way down to the kitchen when I hear something. My blood runs cold and my palms become moist. I run into Josh's room and grab the bat he keeps there. I walk slowly down the stairs making sure to skip the last one because it creaks. What a scary movie cliché. The girl home alone, in the most inappropriate outfit going to find her killer. Hahaha. Okay so it is not that funny cause someone is in my kitchen and there are knives in the kitchen. I could be cut up and thrown into boiling water and nobody would know or they could make me cut pieces of myself off like in Saw or they could rape me to death. I think I should stop watching scary movies. With my heart, beating a million beats per second I run into the kitchen about ready to hit someone with my bat when I see Logan in it.

”What are you doing?” He asks. I blush because now I just seem stupid.

”I was going to play baseball.” leaving out with your head.

”In that?” Logan says running his eyes the length of my body and no he didn't do it perversely. I know I am shocked as well but all I manage to do is blush again. Remind me never to dress comfy when I live with two boys. He stares at me like I have lost my mind.

”You know what... why do you care what I do in my free time? What are you doing here anyway? Your suppose to be at school.” I say annoyed.

”hey babe if you can take the day off so can I.” He says.

”whatever.” I say rolling my eyes. I walk into the kitchen and try to grab something good to eat but Logan used everything good. All the chocolate, strawberries, and potato chips are gone. I settle for a sandwich, pb&j.

”Ambs? Can I have half?” He says like a little kid.

”No. You ate all the good food.” I say. Wow. I am such a snappy biznatch today. I grab a knife, cut my sandwich in half, and give him the other half of my pb&j. I need to be nicer to people. Really, I suck and I still hate him. Stupid cow is eating everything. I did say be nicer not stop my inner mind from hating on everyone.

”thanks.” He says eating my sandwich. I hate him.

I finish my food and walk back up to my room because Logan is on the couch watching TV and I rather not sit there awkwardly. I decide that today I am breaking up with Adam right after school. This is totally messed up and I can't do this to him. Logan or no Logan I have to stop going out with him. I probably should have when I knew I liked Logan, but I can't build a time machine so I will just settle for telling him now. As the old saying goes better late than never.

Josh comes home after school asking how I feel and I tell him I feel much better, which is kind of a lie because my stomach is in knots. At seven, I decide to go to Adam's and break up with him. I know I was suppose to go earlier but he was busy with Shari when I texted him. I don't tell Logan because I don't think he would care. I mean I shove my relationship in his face every chance I get and he just watches. I don't think he would care anymore. I mean I can't even blame him. There is only so much crap one guy can take before they draw the line.

”hey guys, I am going out.” I mumble before walking out the back door and hopping the fence. I walk to the front of the Mayfield's place and ring the doorbell.

”Hey Amber Sweetie, How are you? Adam told us you have been feeling a little under the weather?” Mrs. Mayfield says. I have only met her a handful of times but I like her a lot. She is one of those mom's that bake cookies and drive you to soccer games. No wonder Adam is so great and normal.

”I am good. A day of rest has done wonders. Is Adam home?” I say nervously.

”Yeah, he's in his room.” She says leading me to the stairs. I walk up the stairs and to Adam's door. This is it.

”Adam?” I say as I walk into the room seeing Adam sitting shirtless on the floor doing homework. Wow, He's totally hot.

”Hey.” He says smiling up at me and motioning of me to come to him. I walk over to him and he pulls me onto his lap. Jeez, this is harder than I thought.

”Adam? I- I need to tell you something.”

”Okay.” He says as his lips kiss my neck.

”I- t-think.” I start but then stop.

”yeah.” He says looking at me cautiously.

”I-I think...”

”You said that already.” He says with a half smile. Okay suck it up Amber. He is probably going to be like whatever. He is totally gorgeous; he will probably have another girlfriend in no time. I mean I was a crap girlfriend. I am sure he noticed. Why do I even think he would be hurt? He is so drool worthy that by this time next week he will be dating a new girl and she will actually fall madly in love with him.

”Ithinkweshouldseeotherpeople.” I say not looking at him.

”What?” He says confused.

”I think we should see other people.” I say. After Adam doesn't say anything for a couple of seconds I look up at him and see his green eyes totally sad. ”I am so sorry Adam. I-I just can't.”

”Is there someone else?” He asks accusingly. He looks pissed. I really wish I wasn't sitting in his lap.

”N-no. It's just me.” I say lying. He doesn't say anything just looks out his window. He looks really upset but then he takes a deep breath.

”I think you should go now.” Adam says after a few minutes. I look at him. His green eyes are emotionless. They don't sparkle like they usually do when he looks at me, but I guess breaking up with someone would do that. I nod my head and get off his lap. I walk to his window that overlooks the garden and climb down the tree beside his room window. Before I leave thought I say, ”I am sorry Adam. I didn't mean to hurt you.” I feel a tear trickle down my cheek. Adam doesn't look at me. He just continues to stare out his window, looking past me.

”Is it Logan?” He asks.

”W-what?” I feel my blood run cold for the second time today.

”Is it Logan? Is he the reason? I know he likes you. I am not blind.” He asks again this time a little bit more angry.

”No and he doesn't like me. Trust me.” I say.

”Oh...so the way he looks at you is my imagination? Amber, he is no good for you. He is just going to dump you for one of his sluty play toys.”

”Well then it's a good thing he doesn't like me.” I say as leave the window feeling a little annoyed.

I run across his backyard and hop the fence that leads my house. As I make it to my house, I start to realize that he might have been right. I feel the tears start falling down my cheeks. I walk into the house and here Josh say he is going out. I run up to my room passing Logan.

I sit on my bed letting the tears fall down my cheeks. Through my tears, I don't see or hear my door being opened or Logan coming into my room and sitting next to me rubbing my back. I think about what Adam said about Logan. I can't agree. Logan is the only person I can cry in front of without feeling stupid and he is the only person who knows me better than I know myself. That has to mean something. Right? I sit there crying for Adam and for Logan. I thought this was suppose to make things easier, but I can't shake the feeling of seeing Adam looking all hurt and just thinking it was all Logan and I was just innocent. I cheated on him and he never asked me flat out if I had cheated on him even if he suspected me. ”L-Logan. I- I am sorry.” I say hiccupping through the apology.

”what happened?” He asks confused and frustrated.

”A-Adam.” I mumble. Logan sits with me until I get a handle on my tears.