Part 3 (1/2)

”PIKES AND BIKES”

(_By a ”riding Poet”_)

In years gone by our sires would try To abrogate the highway ”pikes.”

No tolls to-day, can bar the way, But freeing of the road brought ”bikes”; And there are many Northern Tykes, Who would prefer the ”pikes” to ”bikes.”

Ill.u.s.tration: _Old Lady_ (_describing a cycling accident_). ”'E 'elped me hup, an' brushed the dust orf on me, an' put five s.h.i.+llin' in my 'and, an' so I says, 'Well, sir, I'm sure you're _hactin'_ like a gentleman,' I says, 'though I don't suppose you are one,' I says.”

A motor-car, proceeding along the High Street the other evening, took fright, it is supposed, at a constable on point-to-point duty, and exploded, blowing the occupants in various directions over the adjoining buildings. The policeman is to be congratulated upon averting what might have been a serious accident.

A well-known motorist has been complaining of the campaign waged against motor-cars by humorous artists, who never seem to tire of depicting accidents. ”One common and ludicrous error in many drawings,” he said, ”is the placing of the driver on the wrong side of the car.” But surely, in an accident, that is just where he would find himself.

_Sympathetic Lady._ ”I hope you had a good holiday, Miss Smith.”

_Overworked Dressmaker._ ”Oh yes, my lady. I took my machine with me, you know!”

_S. L._ ”What a pity; you should give up needle and thread when you're out for a----”

_O. D._ ”Oh, I don't mean my sewing machine! I refer to my bicycle!”

Ill.u.s.tration:

SCENE--_A remote district in the Wolds._

_Driver of Motor-car_ (_who has just pulled up in response to urgent summons from countrywoman_). ”Well, what's the matter? What is it?”

_Countrywoman._ ”Hi, man, look! You've been an' left yer 'oss on the 'ill!”

THE CYCLING GOVERNESS

I no longer teach my cla.s.ses Their Shakespeare and the gla.s.ses, And the uses of the globes, as was my custom; But all they'll learn from me Is to ride the iron gee-- All other lessons utterly disgust 'em!

The girls no more will meddle With the painful piano-pedal, They'll only touch the pedal of their ”Humber”; Like their grannies, they begin At an early age to ”spin,”

But the road it is their spinning-wheels enc.u.mber.