Part 17 (1/2)

grant to the agricultural college. The little money that I did need had to be borrowed. I've still got to pay that back.” His voice was bitter.

”What's happened to your grandmother?”

Mary Ann waited for quite a while before she heard Tony mutter, ”She died, a year ago.”

”d.a.m.n good job, I should say.”

Mike's words had been quick, and Tony's response was even quicker. ”Shut up! Don't you dare say

that. I'll have none of it. As I've said, you didn't know her.”

Mary Ann held her breath in the silence that followed. Her body was nerve-stiff, they were nearly fighting.

”I'm sorry, it's none of my business.” It was Mike speaking.

Then after a moment Tony said, as if struggling with his

emotion, ”You didn't know my grandmother, I repeat that, she was a wonderful person, but you know him, and yet you're taking his part.”

”Aye, I am in this. I know he's a hard man, and I know if he sets his heart on anything he doesn't care who he tramples on while getting it. But there's another side to him, and I've had to admit this, as much as it's irked me. Up to a point he's just, and sometimes beyond the point. And you must remember this, lad, a man isn't born hard-something makes him hard. Anyway, what I'd like to know is, why, if you hated him so much, did you seek him out?”

”I didn't seek him out. I came this way looking for a job. Oh, I know it looks like it. Perhaps I really did come this way to see him, I gan't tell exactly what my feelings were, but at the time I wasiooking for a job and was given three farms to go to. I didn't know he had a farm. It was the name, Lord, that first suggested that this one might be his. Even the day I walked along the road I still didn't know if I was on the right track, but as soon as I saw him in the yard, then I knew.”

”If he dies, what about it then? Will you claim?”

Mary Ann stiffened-they thought he was going to die.

”I don't know.”

-”You'll have some job proving your case. Your grandmother gone, your parents gone. Anyway, if he survives what's to stop the old boy saying that you're a fraud? How can you prove your mother was his daughter, couldn't she have been the other fellow's?”

”What do you think?”

Mary Ann could feel them looking at each other.

”I think you're his grandson all right. Something puzzled me about you from the first. I couldn't quite

place it. It was your temper, your manner when vexed-it's just like his.” Mike gave a soft, consoling sort of laugh, and then he said, ”Well, whichever way things go there's going to be an upheaval.” ”Do you think I had better go?” ”Go? What in the h.e.l.l are you talking about! How can you ' go now?” Mike's voice was harsh. ”Don't you realise that it's the fact that the old boy recognised you as his that brought the attack on? What's going to happen if he comes round and you're not here? You wait a minute-” Mary Ann could see her da in her mind's eye, holding up his hand-”let me have me say. You've got to face him. And what's more, and I say this, you've got to hear his side of the affair. You needn't go black in the face. Anyway, you knew there'd got to be a showdown some day. I feel that's what you came here for.”

”I didn't!” The protest was vehement.

”Well, why the h.e.l.l were you messing about with that trunk?”

”Because my grandmother used to talk about when she was first married, and how, in her lonely hours, she would wander about that great house waiting for him coming home, and likely as not, end up in the attics. She happened to mention the old black trunks with the quaint bra.s.s bands, and it was because I thought I might find something of hers that I looked in them.”

”I'm sorry to keep harping on about this-” Mike's voice was plainly sarcastic-”but from what I've heard she wasn't the kind of girl that would spend her time sitting in an attic waiting.”

”Do you know how old she was when she married him? Seventeen. After the honeymoon she sat at home like a good wife for nearly a year, and then she realised that she could go on sitting like that for the rest of her life. There were times she didn't see him for days-he would sleep at the office-but when he came home he'd expect to find her there.”

”Couldn't she understand what he was going through? He was trying to save his business.”

”Get a beautiful woman in her twenties to understand that when a man won't go near her for days on end. You say I have no experience-I know this much of human nature. Five years is a long time when you're young. She had nothing to do but spend money.”

”And not caring a d.a.m.n that she was taking it out of a swiftly sinking s.h.i.+p.” Such was the tone of Mike's voice that Mary Ann's muscles jerked and she would have turned round and spoken in order to break up their conversation, but at that moment she heard the door burst open and Michael's voice say quickly, ”Da ! me ma wants you to go into Newcastle with the doctor.”

'S /.

There were no more words between Tony and Mike, and a moment later she heard the door close again and she knew that Michael had gone back with her da. She had the desire to turn round and look at Tony, but something kept her with her face to the wall, and then she heard an odd sound, mixed with the sc.r.a.ping of the chair on the stone floor. Then came the very faint but recognisable sound of crying, the smothered difficult crying like their Michael did. . . . Tony was crying! He was a grown up, like her da, and he was crying! Her ma could cry; their Michael could cry; but not her da, not men; and Tony was a man. The situation had become such that she felt she was unable to deal with it, so she lay stiffly staring at the wall while the quietly m.u.f.fled sound went on.

m il il The school holidays had started, as was evident in the back streets of Jarrow. Tumbling, gambolling, squatting groups covered the pavements, and the roads, and as Mary Ann threaded her way amongst them, often being pushed or jabbed and returning the thrusts with interest, she thought : I wish I was home. She had been sent on errands to the butcher's, the chemist's, and the Home and Colonial, and in all three she'd had to wait. Waiting always irked her, and now she gladly saw the bus stop ahead. In another minute or so she'd be on the bus and back homeand be experiencing once again the waiting feeling. She was thinking about this waiting feeling that was permeating the farm, when her mind was swept clear of the sombre issues by being brought swiftly to a personal one, and one that set her mouth agape. There, coming towards her, was none other than Sarah Flannagan, but not accompanied by her mother or her cronies, but by-two lads.

Mary Ann's eyes widened; her mouth contracted again and slowly formed an ”O” and her eyebrows went up even farther. In this moment she did not know what to expect. Would Sarah Flannagan stop and attack her, aided by her male escort? If so, she was lost. Reluctantly she kept walking, every step bringing her nearer to the trio, until they were almost abreast. And not till then did she realize that something was wrong with Sarah Flannagan. She knew Sarah wasn't blind-she had second sight where she herself was concerned-but she wasn't seeing her ! She was looking straight ahead. One of the boys was talking to her while the other moved silently along, his head down and his hands in his pockets, yet seemingly, and this was evident to Mary Ann, seemingly pleased to be where he was.

How anyone could want to be with Sarah Flannagan was quite beyond the powers of Mary Ann to understand. These two lads must be daft.

The three were abreast of her now, and she stared pop-eyed at them. Could it be that Sarah Flannagan was sick, ill, or had she really been struck blind, for she was going past without a word, without even a look? The only sign that could be taken for recognition, Mary Ann's hypnotised stare told her, was the slight lift of Sarah's chin. They were past, and Mary Ann was brought to a stop and forced round to stare at the three receding backs, walking all very decorously along the street. And then it dawned on her. . . . Eeh! Sarah Flannagan had a lad. Eeh! Sarah Flannagan was going with a lad. Eeh ! two lads.

This astounding knowledge seemed to press heavily on her, and her steps, as she approached the bus stop, were weighed down. She couldn't get over it. For the first time in their lives she and Sarah had pa.s.sed each other without a blow or a word, and all because Sarah Flannagan had a lad. There was something here that needed strong concentration and, of course, some condemnation. You shouldn't have lads, not when you were only nine or ten. But then Sarah was eleven. Perhaps when you were eleven you could have a lad. Suddenly she remembered Sammy Walker. Sammy Walker had been in her cla.s.s last year in Jarrow, and he would sometimes give her a sweet. But there were times when he didn't and pinched her bottom. She didn't like Sammy Walker. Yet she did like Bobby Denver. But Bobby Denver never looked the side she was on.

The bus came, and it was a very puzzled Mary Ann who took a seat, as was her wont, near the front, so she could think by herself. If Sarah Flannagan had a lad, why shouldn't she have a lad? If she went back to Jarrow School next term and Bobby Denver was in the same cla.s.s. . . . Her thoughts came to an abrupt stop. She didn't want to go back to Jarrow School next term, even if she did want to see Bobby Denver and he should take it into his head to slip her sweets. Perhaps she could get another lad. If Sarah Flannagan could have two, then why not her? Why not! She'd ask her ma when she got home. She would say to her, ”Ma, how old have I to be afore I can have a lad?”

For the rest of the journey her mind was taken up, apart from Bobby Denver, in selecting a lad. Fat ones, thin ones, dirty ones, and clean ones, she went over all the boys she knew, but somehow she didn't fancy any one of them, and by the time she approached the farm, even Bobby Denver no longer appeared desirable.

She was coming under the influence of the waiting feeling again.

She had just reached the cottages when she saw her mother. She was some way down the road from their gate and was waving frantically to her. On the sight of her Mary Ann sprinted forward, her mind saying, ”Eeh! what's up now?” As she neared her, Lizzie's hand came out and grabbed at the basket. This she put down straightaway on the road, then automatically began to straighten Mary Ann up as she talked, her words low and rapid. ”Now listen : you're to go to the house, he wants to see you. And mind ”

”Me? Mr. Lord ... he wants to see me?”

”Yes . . . what am I telling you ! By ! you've been some time. Where have you been? It's over an hour since he asked for you.”

”I had to wait in the chemist and the Home and Colonial, Ma.”

”Let we have a look at your hands. . . . Here!” 'Lizzie wetted her ap.r.o.n and rubbed at a mark on Mary Ann's palm. ”Now there you are, you're all right. Now mind, listen to what I'm saying. Mind your p's and q's and be careful what you say.”

Mary Ann made no reply to this, she only stared wide-eyed at her mother, but she did ask, ”Is he all right?”

”As right as he'll be for some time. Don't be cheeky, don't fidget, just speak when you're spoken to, you understand?”

”Yes, Ma.”

Mary Ann made to move hastily off when Lizzie grabbed at her, and stooping down and pulling her foot up, she quickly dusted her shoes, one after the other, gave another tug to her coat, another touch to her hat, another push, and said, ”Go on. And mind, be civil to Ben.”