Part 57 (1/2)

”Attention, Members!” postcards the house committee of the Chicago Real Estate Board. ”Get your feet under the table and you are putting your shoulder behind your board.” This is another good reducing exercise.

With the return of the railroads to private control, we look for an immediate improvement in the service. For, as the dining-car waiter said, when requested to brush the crumbs from a table: ”We's workin' for the government now. We don't have to brush no crumbs off no more.” Well, he'll brush some crumbs off some more now, or he'll be fired.

One may send ”harmless live animals” by parcel post, with the chances eight to five that the animal will be reduced to pulp or die of old age.

THE CHIGGER.

When the enterprising chigger is a-chigging And maturing his felonious little plan, He loves to climb the lingerie and rigging And tunnel into Annabel and Ann.

The chigger then with chloroform they smother, His little hour of pleasure then is o'er, So take this consideration with the other, A chigger's life is pretty much a bore.

A VERSATILE CHAP.

[From the Turton, S. D., Trumpet.]

Victor LaBrie gave several fine selections on the piano. Victor is a splendid musician. When he plays he has full control of the piano, and has splendid harmony to his selections.

Victor LaBrie started dragging Monday afternoon. He used the tractor and stated that it worked up fine.

”Seeing is believing,” says the vender of a piano player. But perhaps you would prefer auricular evidence.

”The only fad I have had for the last twenty-six years is my husband.”--Mrs. Harding.

This is one of the very few really worthy fads that women have ever taken up.

ACT II., SCENE II.

JULIET.

What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet.

ROMEO.

Thou sayest a mouthful, love. And yet how come That Myra Tinkelpaugh, of Cobleskill, New York, conducts therein The Music Shop?