Part 42 (1/2)

”He decided that life was not worth living after that, so he came to South Bend.”--South Bend Tribune.

Stet!

WHY THE DOG LEFT TOWN.

[From the Newton, Ia., News, Dec. 2.]

Warning--A resident of North Newton went home from work Sat.u.r.day night and as he went in the front door a man went out the back door. This party had better leave town, for I know who he is and am after him.

W. H. Miller.

[From the same paper, Dec. 5.]

I have since discovered that it was a neighbor's dog that bounded out of the back door as I came in the front door the other night. My wife had gone to a neighbor's and left the back door ajar, hence a big dog had no trouble getting in.

W. H. Miller.

”'I don't see why we go to England for nincomp.o.o.ps when we have men like Prof. Grummann here at home,' remarked Fred L. Haller.”--Omaha Bee.

We trust Mr. Haller called up the Professor and explained what he meant.

_THE Pa.s.sIONATE PURE FOOD EXPERT TO HIS LOVE._

_Come live with me, my own pure love, And we will all the pleasures prove, In pa.s.sion unadulterated And bliss that isn't benzoated._

_Love's purest formula we'll spell: Our joys will never fail to jell.

The honeyed kisses we imprint Will show of glucose not a hint._

_Your Wiley will your food prepare, And cook a meal to curl your hair; And every morning you shall have a Rare cup of genuine Mocha-Java._

_And you shall have a buckwheat cake Better than mother used to make, And sirup from the maple wood-- Not a vile sorghum ”just as good.”_

_The eggs, the bacon, and the jam Shall he as pure as Mary's lamb; And nothing sans a pure-food label Shall grace your matutinal table._

_Oh, hearken to your Harvey's suit, And 'ware the phony subst.i.tute.

If pure delights your mind may move, Come live with me and be my Love._

Prof. Brown of Carlton College complains that college faculties are concerned with the mental slacker and the laggard, that they have geared their machinery to the sluggard's pace. True enough, but not only true of educational inst.i.tutions. In a democracy everything is geared to the pace of the weak.