Part 11 (1/2)

[From the Fort Atkinson Union.]

A friend asks us why we keep on pounding La Follette. He says there is no use pounding away at a man after he's dead. Maybe we are like the man who was whaling a dead dog that had killed his sheep. ”What are you whaling that cur for?” said a neighbor. ”There is no use in that; he's dead.” ”Well,” said the man, ”I'll learn him, d.a.m.n him, that there is punishment after death.”

Another way to impress upon the world the fact that you have lived in it is to scratch matches on walls and woodwork. A banged door leaves no record except in the ear processes of the persons sitting near the door, whereas match scratches are creative work.

Lives of such men all remind us We can make our lives sublime, And, departing, leave behind us Match-marks on the walls of time.

HE SHOULD.

Sir: Mr. Treetop, 6 feet 2 inches, is a porter at the St. Nicholas Hotel, Decatur. Would he add anything to the landscape gardening surrounding the Academy of Immortals?

W. N. C.

WHY THE EDITOR BEAT IT.

[From the Marengo Republican-News.]

Baptist Church, 7:30 p.m.--Popular evening service. Subject, ”Fools and Idiots.” A large number are expected.

Speaking again of ”experience essential but not necessary,” it was a gadder who observed to a fellow traveler in the smoker: ”It is not only customary, but we have been doing it right along.”

”Even now,” remarks an editorial colleague, ”the person who says 'It is I' is conscious of a precise effort which exaggerates the ego.” No such effort is made by one of our copyreaders, who never changes 'who' or 'whom' in a piece of telegraph copy; because, says he, ”I never know which is right.”

HERE IT IS AGAIN.

[From the cla.s.sified ads.]

Saleslady, attractive, energetic, ambitious hustler. Selling experience essential but not necessary. Fred'k H. Bartlett & Co.

Her attractiveness, perchance, is also essential but not necessary.

We see by the lith'ry notes that Vance Thompson has published another book. Probably we told you about the farmer in Queechee at whose house Vance boarded one summer. ”He told me he was going to do a lot of writing,” said the h. h. s. of t. to us, ”and got me to hitch up and drive over to Pittsfield and buy him a quart bottle of ink. And dinged if he didn't give me the bottle, unopened, when he went back to town in the fall.”

AFTER READING HARVEY'S WEEKLY.

I love Colonel Harvey, His stuff is so warm, And if you don't bite him He'll do you no harm.