Chapter 240 (1/2)
He approached me step by step, and I retreated step by step in his fierce eyes until my back hit the wall and there was nowhere else to retreat.
”Lin Leyi, do I sound bad?” He forced me, ”the failure of our marriage is due to my irresponsibility, but did you tell me when you divorced that you were pregnant? Did you inform my biological father after giving birth? Have you ever thought of asking me to help you when you take your child to deal with those hard days alone? ”
When he said this, his voice was so intense that he couldn't breathe. He stopped for a moment and looked directly at me.
I dare not look in his eyes. What he asks is the truth. I knew at that time that there was only one purpose for me to be pregnant, to have children alone and to live alone, that is, to make the children never know Chu Yi. I never thought that he would come into my life again in such a sudden posture.
”Well, I can understand the original, because at that time just divorced you hate me, you hate my infidelity in marriage. But do you know why I cheated? Every day when I come to your house, I feel like a man who needs your family's alms to survive. Do you understand this feeling? My mother and I have been living together for 20 years. We thought we could take her to us after we got married. But what's the truth? You said you wanted to live with your parents and refused to live with my mother in the house I rented. I'll bear it. Who made me love you so much. What did you get in return? After you get married, you are still beautiful. You are pushing cups with men in business to expand your career. Have you ever thought of my feelings when you drink and socialize with those men? ” He pressed my shoulder, his face came up, facing me, and there was something in his eyes that I didn't understand.
”Chu Yi, don't mention those old things. Now that we have come to this stage, do you think it's still interesting to mention them?” I turned around and didn't look him in the eye. No matter who is right or wrong, the ending has been written.
The pressure on him is so strong that I can't breathe. He never said these words, I never knew our marriage caused him so much depression. These words, if they were said in marriage, might not have come to the point later, but I didn't think of them at that time, and he didn't mention a word.
I didn't understand how a man's self-esteem needs to be maintained. It was in the relationship with he Liancheng that I gradually learned to be considerate of others and pay attention to the feelings of another person in my marriage.
Chu Yi's words made me feel that I didn't pay enough attention to him, but is it useful to say that now?!
”When you have a new love, of course it's boring. I want you to know that I have made efforts to recover, but the result is to watch you take my two sons step by step into the arms of other men, and let the children follow you to compromise. ” When he said this, he held my chin, forced me to turn to look at him, and continued word by word, ”we won't divorce if you use what you have for me, and the children don't have to look at all the guests helplessly at other people's family dinners, and watch their mothers holding their half brother to laugh, socialize, and please other people's families.”
His eyes were pathetic, with sadness that I didn't dare to see. I didn't know how to answer. I just subconsciously stretched out my hand to break off his hand holding my chin and said, ”Chuyi, no matter who was right or wrong in the past, there is no way to recover this step. What do you want now? ”
”I can't hate you or love you now. Even the only guilt you have is spent in your heartless rejection. When I came to the imperial capital, I knew for the first time that I had a child, and I knew for the first time what you had paid for raising a child, my heart was almost aching to death. But at that time, Cheng Lina was still with me. I didn't want to lose my marriage again. I wanted to compensate you with money. What about you? You rejected me with invincible strength. I didn't want you to work so hard. You took back the custody of the child step by step. Yes, in the past few years, you have become stronger in the society like the big dye vat. In the social intercourse with countless men of various colors, you have become more ruthless, and your strength in a soft coat is unmatched. I've been defeated and defeated, but I can't bear to put my child between us. I asked Cheng Lina for a divorce, thinking that after the divorce, I would have the opportunity to take you and your children to my side. No matter what you do to me, I've decided to spend all the time to make up for it. However, I'm still late. At that time, you suddenly decided to be with he Liancheng. ” He squeezed my chin and said, ”do you have a damn conscience! You keep saying it's for the kids? What did you do? What have you done to live a good life for yourself? Have you ever thought about what will happen to the two children after they have another half brother? ”
”Have you ever thought about my situation?” I looked at the man in front of me who said he was so innocent, and suddenly I felt very funny.
Who does he think he is? Why does he think that if he comes to me after divorce, I will come back to him with my children?! His self-confidence is groundless. He even has a good reason to cheat!In this world, everyone, from his own standpoint, will feel that everything he has done is right, that he is innocent and that he is victimized. However, who has ever thought that in your own memory, you have revised all the details that are not good for you, revised over and over again, confirmed over and over again, until the whole thing that has happened is close to your perfect imagination. You are in your own subconscious, in your own memory, you finally become an innocent, victim... You are kind, you push everything to each other. How ridiculous!
I don't know if my memory has been modified by my subconscious. I only remember what I have experienced. I won't forgive Chu Yi, let alone accept his compensation.
Akutagawa Ryunosuke once explained perfectly in a short story how people modify their memories from their own standpoint. In a simple homicide, every witness stated what he saw, and everyone felt that he had not lied, but everyone's narration was completely different, and the simple event became bizarre in the narration of different people. That seemingly bizarre story is called ”Rashomon”, its unreality is reality.