Chapter 38 (2/2)

Since he had been a.s.sociated with Richelieu for a long time, he could read her without thinking. s.h.i.+zuru slowly combed her long, spreading silver hair, while his collar was still being held.

”―― I'm sorry, Richelieu. Somehow, it is hard to say. Even my own self doesn't know why.”

He whispered it to Richelieu, close to her ear. But contrary to her, he did it with a gentle voice, one that could melt anger and irritation.

”That girl, she will become a good killer. I'm a little shocked myself that I could say such words as if it was given.”

Those words, mixed with a bitter smile. rustle The sound of the silk-like silver hair being caressed resonated finely.

”I want to quit being a killer. I'm always saying that, but I realized that I have become familiar with that line of thought.”

He wanted to quit killing, to escape Black Maria. Richelieu knew that s.h.i.+zuru had always thought about it. That was why s.h.i.+zuru was exceptional as a killer, who killed anyone emotionlessly.

”'Ahh, it seems I was broken'. Well I knew that I, myself, wasn't decent, but somehow I disliked to admit it easily. That's why I told you it was nothing.”

” …… So, it was…… like that.”

The irritation that was raging inside Richelieu's heart dissolved and disappeared while hearing his peaceful voice. Richelieu released his collar which she had grabbed so strongly that the fabric seemed to be tearing apart, and then she understood. In other words, s.h.i.+zuru lied to himself, and didn't mean to deceive Richelieu.

She felt embarra.s.sed for jumping to the wrong conclusion. While closing her eyes that had unconsciously opened, Richelieu moved back one step, and cleared her throat a little.

”Excuse me……  that is, I was too hasty in drawing a conclusion. Please don't look at my embarra.s.sed face.”

”I understand.”

Richelieu turned and showed her back to s.h.i.+zuru. Then she silently tapped at the table twice with her fingertips, as if to dodge the awkwardness.

”s.h.i.+zu. I don't know what you meant by 'decent', but humans can live even if they're not always decent. In that case, it's not something that you should worry your mind over too much ok?”

” …… Ahaha. That's really like you, Richelieu. Yes that's right, it's certainly as you said.”

Even if they weren't decent, even if they were abnormal, they still could live. s.h.i.+zuru eventually summarized it and understood. In the first place, something like decence was just an opinion of the majority unless you changed how one looked at it. For example, if 90% of people in the world said that murdering was fun, it would become common sense. It was a concept that was vague, easy to s.h.i.+ft, and without any clear indicators. It was foolish to stick with that kind of framework.

――But. There was a little something left that s.h.i.+zuru couldn't let go of from inside his chest.

If his family and friends, whom he couldn't remember anything of, their faces nor names, saw the current him. What was he supposed to say?

” …… Um, Richelieu. If…… this is only 'if', alright? If I really leave Black Maria, what would you do?”

”I will kill you with my own hands.”

s.h.i.+zuru's wry smiled deepened as she immediately answered his question. That meant that he must stay abnormal until he dies.

”Ahaha…… I know right~”

After smiling wryly, he spoke those words with a light tone. What kind of feeling had he put inside of himself?

Even s.h.i.+zuru himself ――he didn't really know.

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