Part 82 (2/2)
”How kind of you to say so!” Millicent's voice left no doubt of her feeling of shame, although Margaret's n.o.bility was beyond her understanding; it humbled her. ”I came to you because I wanted to do what I can to undo what I have done. If Michael had known that my servant antic.i.p.ated his discovery, it might have given him a clue as to where the treasure has gone. You do believe now that I never saw the jewels? I never dreamed of robbing him!” She paused. ”In my poor way I loved him. I couldn't have done that--not that.”
”And yet you were so horribly cruel! You knew a great deal about men.
Michael is only human, and he is so ready to believe the best of everyone.”
”Yes, I know. But I suppose I was born bad, born with feelings you don't understand. Michael did his best to help me; he tried to awaken something higher in me. I suppose you won't believe it, but he has--he has helped me; I am not quite what I was. While I was ill, when I thought I was dying, all that he had ever said to me came back to me with a new meaning. I determined that if I got well I would tell you everything--how wonderful his love for you is, how strong he can be--and it is not the strength of a man who does not feel.”
”Oh, I know it,” Margaret said. Her voice was resentful.
”But please let me tell you, even if you do know it. It is only right to Michael--I must exonerate him, even if you resent hearing me speak of his love for you. Let me make a clean breast of it, show you how ignorant he was of my plans for meeting him. He never was more surprised in his life.”
”I didn't mean to resent it, but there are some things we never need telling, things which are better left unsaid. Michael needs no telling that you never stole the jewels, for instance, that you never tried to reach the hills.”
”Stole the jewels! No, I never stole them. You thought that?” Horror was in Millicent's voice. ”You thought I stole them for my personal use? To wear them?”
”It would not have been so cruel as to steal my lover, would it?”
”It would have been less difficult.”
”You tried--oh, how you tried to steal him! How could--you?” A revulsion of feeling hardened Margaret. Her eyes showed it. She was visualizing Millicent in all her former beauty. Even without beauty, she knew how strongly her vitality would appeal to men. Despondent, in her drooping black shawls, Millicent was keenly alive still. Margaret had always felt her vitality; she knew that men felt it. It stirred them to conquest; it invited contest.
Millicent answered her truthfully. ”Because I am bad, not good, and I loved him with the only kind of love I know. It swept aside all scruples. You can't judge--try to believe that--you can't begin to judge. I lived for conquest and men's admiration, and now I have lost both.”
Margaret felt humbled to the dust. Her judgment had been so crude, so narrow. She realized that the woman before her left her far behind in the matter of vitality, pa.s.sion and self-criticism. Her energy and vitality demanded an outlet, an object.
”Don't feel like that,” she said gently. ”Your looks will come back.
Do let me see your face. It is early days yet--the marks will disappear, grow fainter. It is only one year--give it time, forget all about it in hard work, and while you are working. Nature will be working too.”
”No, no!” Millicent cried. ”Never! I am going to fly from my friends--I am going to hide myself.”
Margaret had attempted to raise her thick veil, but Millicent refused to let her. Instead, she threw another thickness of it over her face.
Her pride could not stand even Margaret's pity and comforting words.
”I am humbled enough as it is,” she said. ”Don't do that.”
”I didn't want to humble you,” Margaret said. ”I only thought, and I do still think, that you are exaggerating the change in your appearance. One sees every little thing about oneself so clearly. I know how a wee spot seems like a Vesuvius when it is on one's nose.
With smallpox the marks do get more and more invisible.”
”No, my looks will never come back,” Millicent said miserably. ”And for a woman like me, when her looks are gone, what is there left?”
”Work,” Margaret said. ”The war will make you forget all about personal things--it will, really. Life is different now. If you will only take up some war-work--and I know you will, for every able-bodied woman in England is working at something; every superfluous woman has become a thing of value--life will be completely changed. There is only one idea, one aim for us all--to win the war. You must do your bit. It is just our 'bit' that keeps us sane, for without it we should have time to think. We women must not think, we must work.”
”But what could I do?”
”Almost anything,” Margaret said. ”You know you could--you are so clever.”
”Don't flatter, please,” Millicent said. ”How can you be so forgiving?”
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