Part 41 (1/2)
”Lawrence,” she began, ”to-morrow we do reach civilization, and I--I am finding out things about myself.”
He knew she was going to tell him what troubled her. For an instant he was filled with terror lest she say she could not love him after all.
Perhaps his fight with Philip had sickened her, killed her love. Tense and fearful, he waited.
”Go on, Claire. I have noticed something.”
”It isn't that I don't love you,” she cried, seeing his fear in his drawn face. ”Oh, I do love you!”
He laughed with relief.
”Then speak away. Nothing else in the world can frighten me.”
”I'm afraid that it will displease you.”
”Not if it is something real to you.”
”Well then--oh, it seems so hard to explain. I--I am finding myself out.”
”That ought to be pleasant.”
”Yes, it is--yet, I don't know--you see, back there in the wilderness I thought nothing mattered but you. It was so hard and uncertain. The future was so far off. But now it's different. Every day I have neared civilization I have grown less sure that our way is the right way.”
”Why not? It all seems clear to me.”
”But, Lawrence, are we quite fair? Are we quite right with ourselves?”
”I try to be. I certainly try to be fair to you.”
”I know. That's it. You would want me to be fair to--to every one, wouldn't you, and above all, to myself?”
”You must be that, Claire.”
She did not continue at once. He waited, holding her hand very tight between his own.
”Go on, Claire.”
The deep earnestness of the faith in her that rang through his words gave her courage.
”It is Howard and--and my vows to him.”
Lawrence sat, his brows knit. She watched him.
”I see,” he answered. ”I see, but--”
”After all, I promised to be his wife forever, you know.”
”But you don't love him now.”
”No. I love you--and for your sake as well as my own I've got to straighten things out between Howard and myself.”
”I thought they were straight. He thinks you are dead.”