Volume V Part 66 (1/2)
”I have shewn you hoell I love you,” said she, tenderly; ”and I am sure I should be very happy as your wife You may be sure that your wishes will be mine, and that, however far you lead ht of mine”
I pressed the aht, which was shared by her; but as she sawme in her arms she adjured rant till she was mine by laedlock
”You will drive me to despair! Have you reflected that this resistance may cost me my life? Can you love, and yet entertain this fatal prejudice? And yet I am sure you love me, and pleasure too”
”Yes, dearest one, I do love you, and amorous pleasure with you; but you must respect my delicacy”
My eyes ith tears, and she was so affected that she fell fainting to the ground I lifted her up and gently laid her on the bed
Her pallor alar-salts, I rubbed her forehead with Savoy-water, and she soon opened her eyes, and seeht of taking advantage of her helplessness would have horrified iven a true proof of the sincerity of your affection”
”Did you think, sweetheart, that I was vile enough to abuse your weakness? Could I enjoy a pleasure in which you had no share?”
”I did not think you would do such a thing, but I should not have resisted, though it is possible that I should not have loved you afterwards”
”Sara, though you do not know, you charm my soul out of my body”
After this I sat down sadly on the bed, and abandoned myself to the most melancholy reflections, from which Sara did not endeavour to rouse me
Her mother came in and asked why she was on the bed, but not at all suspiciously Sara told her the truth
M M---- F---- caether, but silently What I had heard froirl's lips had co to hope for, and that it was time for me to look to myself
Six weeks before, God had delivered er of becoel Such were , but it was necessary for me to consider the matter at my leisure
There was a sale of valuable articles in the city, thea lottery Sara had read the announcement, and I asked her with her mother and sister to come withtheir consent, and we found ourselves in distinguished coton, Lady Stanhope, and Ee case before the courts She had given information to the police that her husband had been robbed of six thousand pounds, though everyone said that she herself was the thief
Madame M---- F---- did not take a ticket, but she allowed lee, since for ten or twelve guineas they got articles worth sixty
Every day I wassure that I should only obtain slight favours froht it was time to come to an explanation So after supper I said that as it was not certain that Sara could become my wife I had determined not to accompany them to Berne
The father told me I was very wise, and that I could still correspond with his daughter, Sara said nothing, but I could see she was ht; such an experience was altogether new to hed Sara's reasons, and they seemed to me to be merely frivolous, which drove me to conclude that my caresses had displeased her
For the last three days I found myself more than once alone with her; but I was studiously moderate, and she caressed me in a manner that would have reat favour It was at this time I learnt the truth of the maxim that if abstinence is sometimes the spur of love, it has also the contrary effect Sara had brought entle friendshi+p, while an infamous prostitute like the Charpillon, who kne to renew hope and yet grant nothing, ended by inspiring me with contempt, and finally with hatred
The family sailed for Ostend, and I accoave Sara a letter for Mada whom she did not know They afterwards became sisters-in-law, as Sara married a brother of M de W----, and was happy with his of s, but the interest I take in such matters is not to be compared to my interest in some obscure story of ancient history For our contemporaries, the companions, of our youthful follies, we have a kind of contempt, somewhat similar to that which we entertain for ourselves
Four years ago I wrote to Madaan:
”After a silence of twenty-one years ”