Volume II Part 46 (1/2)
Five or six esse, by Charron, and somehow or other my confessor heard of it; when I went to hiive up reading that book I answered that my conscience did not reproach me, and that I could not obey hiive you absolution' 'That will not prevent ry, and, in order to knohat he ought to do, he applied to Bishop Diedo His euided by my confessor I answered that we had mutual duties to perform, and that the mission of a priest in the confessional was to listen to iveme any advice if I did not ask for it I added that the confessor being bound to avoid scandal, if he dared to refuse me the absolution, which, of course, he could do, I would all the sa that he was at his wit's end, told the priest to abandon me to my conscience But that was not satisfactory too to confession to any priest I like All the sisters are jealous of the privilege, but I have availeda precedent and of strengthening the right by the fact, for it is not worth the trouble I always confess to the sa me absolution, for I only tell him what I like”
”And for the rest you absolve yourself?”
”I confess to God, who alone can know ree of merit or of demerit to be attached to my actions”
Our conversation shewed me that my lovely friend hat is called a Free-thinker; but I was not astonished at it, because she felt a greater need of peace for her conscience than of gratification for her senses
On the Sunday, after dinner, I took a two-oared gondola, and went round the island of Muran to reconnoitre the shore, and to discover the sh which my mistress escaped from the convent I lost my trouble and my time, for I did not become acquainted with the shore till the octave of Christmas, and with the small door six months afterwards
I shall mention the circumstance in its proper place
As soon as it was ti for the idol I a the books of a small library in the boudoir They were not numerous, but they ell chosen and worthy of the place I found there everything that has been written against religion, and all the works of the most voluptuous writers on pleasure; attractive books, the incendiary style of which coe they represent
Several folios, richly bound, contained nothing but erotic engravings
Their principal ns, in the finish of the work, than in the lubricity of the positions I found ast theland; the engravings of Meursius, of Aloysia Sigea Toletana, and others, all very beautifully done A great many small pictures covered the walls of the boudoir, and they were all s
I had spent an hour in exaht of which had excited me in the most irresistible manner, when I saw my beautiful mistress enter the room, dressed as a nun Her appearance was not likely to act as a sedative, and therefore, without losing any time in compliments, I said to her,
”You arrive ination, and it is in your garb of a saint that you must administer the remedy that , it will not take more than five minutes”
”Five minutes will complete my happiness, and then you can attend to your metamorphosis”
”But let me take off these woollen robes, which I dislike”
”No; I want you to receive the hoave birth to it”
She uttered in the humblest manner a 'fiat voluntas tua', accompanied by the most voluptuous sot all the world besides After that delightful ecstacy I assisted her to undress, and a siown of Indian muslin soon metamorphosed my lovely nun into a beautiful nyain till the first day of the octave She gave ate on the shore, and told me that a blue ribbon attached to theover the door would point it out by day, so as to preventher that I would come and reside in her casino until the return of her friend During the ten days that I remained there, I saw her four times, and I convinced her that I lived only for her
Duringto C---- C----, but my love for her had become a calm affection The lines which interested me most in her letters were those in which shecultivated the acquaintance of M---- M----, andknown I always insisted upon the necessity of discretion
I do not believe in the possibility of equal love being bestowed upon two persons at the sah degree of intensity if you give it either too much food or none at all That which reat vigour was that I could never possess her without running the risk of losing her
”It is impossible,” I said to her once, ”that some time or other one of the nuns should not want to speak to you when you are absent?”
”No,” she answered, ”that cannot happen, because there is nothing ht of a nun to deny herself, even to the abbess A fire is the only circueneral uproar and confusion, and it would not appear natural that a nun should reer; ain over the lay-sister and the gardener, as well as another nun, and that old
”He answers for the fidelity of the cook and his ho take care of the casino He has likewise every confidence in the two gondoliers, although one of them is sure to be a spy of the State Inquisitors”
On Christmas Eve she announced the return of her lover, and she told hio with hiht together
”I shall expect you, my beloved one,” she added, ”on the last day of the year, and here is a letter which I beg you not to read till you get home”
As I had to s early in theten days I had enjoyed so adin Palace, where I read the following letter:
”You have so the mystery which I am bound to keep on the subject of my lover, that, satisfied to possess my heart, you left me mistress of my mind That division of the heart and of the mind appears to me a pure sophism, and if it does not strike you as such you must admit that you do not love me wholly, for I cannot exist without ree with s it does not excel in delicacy
However, as soht accuseacted towards you with all the sincerity that true love inspires, and that it has a right to demand, I have made up my mind to confide to you a secret which concerns h I am aware that he relies entirely upon uilty of a breach of confidence, but you will not love me less for it, because, compelled to choose between you two, and to deceive either one or the other, love has conquered friendshi+p; do not punish me for it, for it has not been done blindly, and you will, I trust, consider the reasons which have caused the scale to weigh down in your favour