Volume II Part 41 (1/2)
In my ridiculous position I was sorely tempted to complain to Countess S----; but I ah not to cross the threshold of her door At last I bethoughtunder constant dread, knowing that I had in my possession her two letters, hich I could ruin her reputation and cause the greatest injury to the convent, and I sent the note, after I had kept them ten days:
”I can assure you, etfulness that I did not return your two letters which you will find enclosed I have never thought of belying e upon you, and I forgive you uilty, whether they were cohtlessly or because you wanted to enjoy a joke at my expense Nevertheless, you will allow me to advise you not to treat any other ht meet with one endoith less delicacy I know your name, I knoho you are, but you need not be anxious; it is exactly as if I did not know it You may, perhaps, care but little for reatly pity you
”You ain at your church; but let me assure you that it is not a sacrifice on my part, and that I can attend mass anywhere else Yet Ithe church of your convent It is very natural for htless acts of which you have been guilty, you have added another not less serious, na boasted of your exploits with the other nuns, and I do not want to be the butt of your jokes in cell or parlour Do not thinkfive or six years older than you, I have not thrown off all feelings of self-respect, or trodden under, my feet all reserve and propriety; in one word, if I have kept soht never to be forgotten Do not disdain, madam, the lesson which I take the liberty to teach you, as I receive in the kindest spirit the one which you have given me, most likely only for the sake of fun, but by which I proht that, considering all circuenial one; I made up my parcel, put on my e of ave him half a sequin, and I promised him as much more when he could assure me that he had faithfully delivered ave hio away the very ate of the convent, even if he were told to wait I er was a man from Forli, and that the Forlanese were then the uilty of a breach of trust was an unheard-of thing
Such etting worse in this world
I was beginning to forget the adventure, probably because I thought, rightly or wrongly, that I had put an insurmountable barrier between the nun and myself, when, ten days after I had sent er, lantern in hand I called hi off my mask I asked him whether he knew me He looked at me, eyed me from head to foot, and finally answered that he did not
”Did you faithfully carry the e to Muran?”
”Ah, sir! God be praised! I aain, for I have an important communication toto your instructions, and I went away as soon as it was in the hands of the attendant, although she requested me to wait When I returned from Muran I did not see you, but that did notday, one of ate of the convent when I delivered your letter, cao to Muran, because the attendant wanted particularly to speak tofor a few minutes I was shewn into the parlour, where I was kept for ht of day, who asked , if not who you are, at least where I should be likely to find you You know that I could not give her any satisfactory infor me to wait, and at the end of two hours she caher an answer, she would give me two sequins In the mean time I was to call at the convent every day, shew her the letter, and receive forty sons every time Until now I have earned twenty crowns, but I aet tired of it, and you cana line”
”Where is the letter?”
”Init”
”Then how can I answer?”
”If you ait for me here, you shall have the letter in less than a quarter of an hour”
”I will not wait, because I do not care about the letter But tellue, for it is not likely that she would have trusted you with the letter if you had not proue, for I have done faithfully what you told ave her a description of your coat, your buckles, and your figure, and I can assure you that for the last ten days I have examined all the nize your buckles, but I do not think you have the same coat Alas, sir! it will not cost you h to wait for me in the coffee-house close by”
I could not resist er, and I made up my mind not to wait for him but to accompany him as far as his house I had only to write, ”I have received the letter,” and ratified and the Forlanese earned his two sequins I could afterwards change my buckles and my mask, and thus set all enquiries at defiance
I therefore followed hiht me the letter I took hiood fire, and I told e one, and the first papers that I saere the two letters which I had sent back to her in order to allay her anxiety as to the possible consequences of her giddiness
The sight of these letters caused me such a palpitation of the heart that I was con of ned ”S” and addressed to M---- M---- I read the following lines:
”The mask who accompanied le word, if I had not told hi than those of your person; and his ansas, 'I have seen the one, and I believe in the other' I added that I did not understand why you had not spoken to him, and he said, with a smile, 'I refused to be presented to her, and she punishedto know that I was present' These feords were all our dialogue I intended to send you this note thisthis note, which stated the exact truth, and which could be considered as proof,convicted of injustice, I took courage, and I read the following letter:
”Owing to an excusable weakness, feeling curious to knohat you would say about me to the countess after you had seenher to letday at latest, for I foresaw that you would pay me a visit in the afternoon Her letter, which I enclose, and which I beg you to read, did not reach me till half an hour after you had left the convent
”This was the first fatality
”Not having received that letter when you called, I had not the courage to see you This absurd weakness on my part was the second fatality, but the weakness you will; I hope; forgive I gave orders to the lay-sister to tell you that I was ill for the whole day; a very legitimate excuse; whether true or false, for it was an officious untruth, the correction of which, was to be found in the words: for the whole day You had already left the convent, and I could not possibly send anyone to run after you, when the old fool infored
”This was the third fatality
”You cannot iine what I had a mind to do and to say to that foolish sister; but here one ; oneGod when norance and not of wickedness--a very co in convents I foresaw at once, at least partly; ould happen; and what has actually, happened; for no reasonable being could, I believe, have foreseen it all I guessed that, thinking yourself the victim of a joke, you would be incensed, and I feltyou know the truth before the following Sunday My heart longed ardently for that day Could I possibly iain to our church! I tried to be patient until that Sunday; but when I found myself disappointed in my hope, my misery became unbearable, and it will cause my death if you refuse to listen to my justification Your letter has made me completely unhappy, and I shall not resist my despair if you persist in the cruel resolve expressed by your unfeeling letter You have considered yourself trifled with; that is all you can say; but will this letter convince you of your error? And even believing yourself deceived in the most scandalous manner, you must admit that to write such an awful letter you must have supposed me an abominable wretch--a monster, such as a woman of noble birth and of refined education cannot possibly be I enclose the two letters you sent back tomy fears which you cruelly supposed very different to what they are in reality I anomist than you, and you htlessly, for I never thought you capable, I will not say of crime, but even of an indelicate action You iddy impudence, and that is not my nature