Volume I Part 9 (2/2)
She came back, abashed at the idea that she had proved herself rather knowing, and at the dread of having perhaps given a wrong interpretation to an action which ht have been, on my part, perfectly innocent, or the result of politeness Her natural laugh soon returned, and, having rapidly read in herher confidence, and, judging that I would venture toowhich I could make her out better
In pursuance of that plan, the next , I told her that it was cold, but that she would not feel it if she would lie down near me
”Shall I disturb you?” she said
”No; but I a that if your ry”
”Mother would not think of any harer you are exposing yourself to?”
”Certainly I do; but you are good, and, what is more, you are a priest”
”Coht think I do not knohat” She laid down close by h I did not understand a word of what she said, for in that singular position, and unwilling to give way to
Her confidence in her safety, confidence which was certainly not feigned, worked upon s to such an extent that I would have been ashae of it At last she told me that nine o'clock had struck, and that if old Count Antonio found us as ere, he would tease her with his jokes ”When I see thatthese words, she rose from the bed and left the roo while, stupefied, benuitation of , as I wished to keep calm, I only let her sit down on my bed, and the conversation I had with her proved without the shadow of a doubt that her parents had every reason to idolize her, and that the easy freedom of herto her innocence and to her purity Her artlessness, her vivacity, her eager curiosity, and the bashful blushes which spread over her face whenever her innocent or jesting re, in fact, convinced el destined to become the victim of the first libertine ould undertake to seduce her I felt sufficient control over ainst her virtue which ht afterwards reproach e of her innocence uarantee to her parents, who abandoned her to ood opinion they entertained of ht I would have despised myself if I had betrayed the trust they reposed in s, and, with perfect confidence in the victory, I ainst myself, and to be satisfied with her presence as the only reward of my heroic efforts I was not yet acquainted with the axio lasts, victory remains uncertain”
As I enjoyed her conversation much, a natural instinct proreat pleasure if she could co, and even wake ive ht to my request, that the less I slept the better I felt in health In this manner I contrived to spend three hours instead of two in her society, although this cunning contrivance of , at least in
Her ood wo, only wondering at my kindness Lucie would then cover her with kisses, and the kind old soul would entreat oodness, and to cultivate her mind; but when she had left us Lucie did not think herself more unrestrained, and whether in or out of her htest change
If the society of this angelic child afforded ht, it also causedOften, very often, when her face was close to my lips, I felt the most ardent temptation to smother her with kisses, and my blood was at fever heat when she wished that she had been a sister of mine But I kept sufficient cohtest contact, for I was conscious that even one kiss would have been the spark which would have blown up all the edifice of my reserve Every time she left er to win fresh laurels, I longed for the following erous contest
At the end of ten or twelve days, I felt that there was no alternative but to put a stop to this state of things, or to become a monster in my own eyes; and I decided for theinsured me success, if I chose the second alternative The ation to defend herself Lucie would becoht have been exposed to shahtened me Yet, to put an end to er resist the effect irl, who, at the break of day and scarcely dressed, ran gaily intohow I had slept, bent familiarly her head towards me, and, so to speak, dropped her words on erous moments I would turn my head aside; but in her innocence she would reproachafraid when she felt herself so safe, and if I answered that I could not possibly fear a child, she would reply that a difference of two years was of no account
Standing at bay, exhausted, conscious that every instant increased the ardour which was devouring me, I resolved to entreat from herself the discontinuance of her visits, and this resolution appeared topostponed its execution until the following e of Lucie, and by the idea that I would see her in thefor the last tirant hest estee, radiant with beauty, a happy s her prettydisorder, bursts into my room, and rushes with open arms towards my bed; but when she sees my pale, dejected, and unhappy countenance, she stops short, and her beautiful face taking an expression of sadness and anxiety:
”What ails you?” she asks, with deep syht:”
”And why?”
”Because I have h fraught with misery to myself, will at least secure me your esteeht to make you very cheerful Only tellme 'thou'
yesterday, you treat et your coffee, and youto hear you”
She goes and returns, I drink the coffee, and seeing that rave she tries to enliven me, contrives toeverything in order, she closes the door because the wind is high, and in her anxiety not to lose one word of what I have to say, she entreats artlessly a little place near me I cannot refuse her, for I feel alin a faithful recital of the fearful state in which her beauty has thrownI have experienced in trying to ive her some proof of my love; I explain to her that, unable to endure such torture any longer, I see no other safety but in entreating her not to see me any more The importance of the subject, the truth of ht of the heroic effort of a deep and virtuous passion, lend me a peculiar eloquence I endeavour above all to ht follow a course different to the one I was proposing, and howdiscourse Lucie, seeing my eyes ith tears, throws off the bed-clothes to wipe thelobes, the beauty of which ht have caused the wreck of thechild tells me that my tears make her very unhappy, and that she had never supposed that she could cause them
”All you have just told reat love for ine why you should be in such dread of a feeling which affords me the most intense pleasure You wish to banish me from your presence because you stand in fear of your love, but ould you do if you hated uilty because I have pleased you? If it is a crime to have won your affection, I can assure you that I did not think I was co a criminal action, and therefore you cannot conscientiously punish me Yet I cannot conceal the truth; I aer we run, e love, danger which I can understand, we can set it at defiance, if we choose, and I wonder at norant as I am, while you, a learned man, think it so terrible I am astonished that love, which is not a disease, should have made you ill, and that it should have exactly the opposite effect upontowards you should not be love? You saw ; it is because I have been dreaht, but my dreams did not keep me awake; only several times I woke up to ascertain whether ht I was near you; and every tiain in the hope of continuing ht, was it not natural for ? My dear abbe, if love is a torment for you I am very sorry, but would it be possible for you to live without love? I will do anything you order me to do, but, even if your cure depended upon it, I would not cease to love you, for that would be is it should be necessary for you to love me no more, you must do your utmost to succeed, for I wouldloved too much Only try to find some other plan, for the one you have proposed makes me very miserable Think of it, there est one more practicable, and depend upon Lucie's obedience”