Part 2 (2/2)

Up in Miss Sarah's room, I spread the bed and scrubbed the gloom on the looking gla.s.s that wouldn't come off with any kind of ash-water. I swept up dead moths fat from gnawing on the curtains, wiped down the privy pot, and threw in a pinch of soda. I scrubbed the floors with lime soap from the demijohn.

Wore out from all that, I did what we call s.h.i.+lly-shally. Poking round up to no good. First, I looked to see was any slave in the pa.s.sage way-some of them would as soon tell on you as blink. I shut the door and opened Miss Sarah's books. I sat at her desk and turned one page after another, staring at what looked like bits and pieces of black lace laid cross the paper. The marks had a beauty to them, but I didn't see how they could do anything but confuddle a person.

I pulled out the desk drawer and rooted all through her things. I found a piece of unfinished cross st.i.tch with clumsy st.i.tches, looked like a three-year-old had done it. There was some fine, glossy threads in the drawer wrapped on wood spools. Sealing wax. Tan paper. Little drawings with ink smudges. A long bra.s.s key with a ta.s.sel on it.

I went through the wardrobe, touching the frocks mauma'd made. I nosed through the dressing table drawer, pulling out jewelry, hair ribbons, paper fans, bottles and brushes, and finally, a little box. It glistened dark like my skin when it was wet. I pushed up the latch. Inside was a big silver b.u.t.ton. I touched it, then closed the lid the same slow way I'd closed her wardrobe, her drawers, and her books-with my chest filling up. There was so much in the world to be had and not had.

I went back and opened up the desk drawer one more time and stared at the threads. What I did next was wrong, but I didn't much care. I took the plump spool of scarlet thread and dropped it in my dress pocket.

The Sat.u.r.day before Easter we all got sent to the dining room. Tomfry said things had gone missing in the house. I went in there thinking, Lord, help me.

There wasn't nothing worse for us than some little old piece of nonsense disappearing. One dent-up tin cup in the pantry or a toast crumb off missus' plate and the feathers flew. But this time it wasn't a piece of nonsense, and it wasn't scarlet thread. It was missus' brand new bolt of green silk cloth.

There we were, fourteen of us, lined up while missus carried on about it. She said the silk was special, how it traveled from the other side of the world, how these worms in China had spun the threads. Back then, I'd never heard such craziness in my life.

Every one of us was sweating and twitching, running our hands in our britches pockets or up under our ap.r.o.ns. I could smell the odors off our bodies, which was nothing but fear.

Mauma knew everything happening out there over the wall-missus gave her pa.s.ses to travel to the market by herself. She tried to keep the bad parts from me, but I knew about the torture house on Magazine Street. The white folks called it the Work House. Like the slaves were in there sewing clothes and making bricks and hammering horseshoes. I knew about it before I was eight, the dark hole they put you in and left you by yourself for weeks. I knew about the whippings. Twenty lashes was the limit you could get. A white man could buy a bout of floggings for half a dollar and use them whenever he needed to put some slave in the right frame of mind.

Far as I knew, not one Grimke slave had gone to the Work House, but that morning, every one of us in the dining room was wondering is this the day.

”One of you is guilty of thieving. If you return the bolt of cloth, which is what G.o.d would have you do, then I will be forgiving.”

Uh huh.

Missus didn't think we had a grain of sense.

What were any of us gonna do with emerald silk?

The night after the cloth vanished, I slipped out. Walked straight out the door. I had to pa.s.s by Cindie outside missus' door-she was no friend to mauma, and I had to be wary round her, but she was snoring away. I slid into bed next to mauma, only she wasn't in bed this time, she was standing in the corner with her arms folded over her chest. She said, ”What you think you doing?”

I never had heard that tone to her voice.

”Get up, we going back to the house right now. This the last time you sneaking out, the last time. This ain't no game, Handful. There be misery to pay on this.”

She didn't wait for me to move, but s.n.a.t.c.hed me up like I was a stray piece of batting. Grabbed me under one arm, marched me down the carriage house steps, cross the work yard. My feet didn't hardly touch the ground. She dragged me inside through the warming kitchen, the door n.o.body locked. Her finger rested against her lips, warning me to stay quiet, then she tugged me to the staircase and nodded her head toward the top. Go on now.

Those stair steps made a racket. I didn't get ten steps when I heard a door open down below, and the air suck from mauma's throat.

Master's voice came out of the dark, saying, ”Who is it? Who is there?”

Lamplight shot cross the walls. Mauma didn't move.

”Charlotte?” he said, calm as could be. ”What are you doing in here?”

Behind her back, mauma made a sign with her hand, waving at the floor, and I knew she meant me to crouch low on the steps. ”Nothing, ma.s.sa Grimke. Nothing, sir.”

”There must be some reason for your presence in the house at this hour. You should explain yourself now to avoid any trouble.” It was almost kind the way he said it.

Mauma stood there without a word. Master Grimke always did that to her. Say something. If it was missus standing there, mauma could've spit out three, four things already. Say Handful is sick and you're going to see about her. Say Aunt-Sister sent you in here to get some remedy for Snow. Say you can't sleep for worrying about their Easter clothes, how they gonna fit in the morning. Say you're walking in your sleep. Just say something.

Mauma waited too long, cause here came missus out from her room. Peering over the step, I could see she had her sleeping cap on crooked.

I have knots in my years that I can't undo, and this is one of the worst-the night I did wrong and mauma got caught.

I could've showed myself. I could've given the rightful account, said it was me, but what I did was ball up silent on the stair steps.

Missus said, ”Are you the pilferer, Charlotte? Have you come back for more? Is this how you do it, slipping in at night?”

Missus roused Cindie and told her to fetch Aunt-Sister and light two lamps, they were going to search mauma's room.

”Yessum, yessum,” said Cindie. Pleased as a planter punch.

Master Grimke groaned like he'd stepped in a dog pile, all this nasty business with women and slaves. He took his light and went back to bed.

I followed after mauma and them from a distance, saying words a ten-year-old shouldn't know, but I'd learned plenty of cuss at the stables listening to Sabe sing to the horses. G.o.d d.a.m.ney, G.o.d d.a.m.ney, day and night. G.o.d d.a.m.ney, G.o.d d.a.m.ney, all them whites. I was working myself up to tell missus what'd happened. I left my place beside Miss Sarah's door and sneaked out to my old room. Mauma brought me back to the house.

When I peered round the door jam into our room, I saw the blankets torn off the bed, the wash basin turned over, and our flannel gunny sack dumped upside down, quilt-fillings everywhere. Aunt-Sister was working the pulley to lower the quilt frame. It had a quilt-top on it with raw edges, bright little threads fluttering.

n.o.body looked at me standing in the doorway, just mauma whose eyes always went to me. Her lids sank shut and she didn't open them back.

The wheels on the pulley sang and the frame floated down to that squeaky music. There on top of the unfinished quilt was a bolt of bright green cloth.

I looked at the cloth and thought how pretty. Lamplight catching on every wrinkle. Me, Aunt-Sister, and missus stared at it like it was something we'd dreamed.

Missus gave us an earful then about how hard it was for her to visit discipline on a slave she'd trusted, but what choice did she have?

She told mauma, ”I will delay your punishment until Monday-tomorrow is Easter and I do not want it marred by this. I will not send you off for punishment, and you should be grateful for that, but I a.s.sure you your penalty will match your crime.”

She hadn't said Work House, she'd said off, but we knew what off meant. Least mauma wasn't going there.

When missus finally turned to me, she didn't ask what was I doing out here or send me back to Miss Sarah's floorboards. She said, ”You may stay with your mother until her punishment on Monday. I wish her to have some consolation until then. I am not an unfeeling woman.”

Long into that night, I s...o...b..red out my sorrow and guilt to mauma. She rubbed my shoulders and told me she wasn't mad. She said I never should've snuck out of the house, but she wasn't mad.

I was about asleep when she said, ”I should've sewed that green silk inside a quilt and she never would've found it. I ain't sorry for stealing it, just for getting caught.”

”How come you took it?”

”Cause,” she said. ”Cause I could.”

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