Part 16 (1/2)

Kenny freezes.

”Not a real box,” Melanie quickly a.s.sures him. Kenny breathes a sigh of relief.

”The trick is that as long as you know who you are, and what makes you happy, it doesn't matter how others see you.”

I snort.

”It's true,” Melanie argues.

”Yeah,” Jack says, ”if you want to get teased all the time.”

Melanie shakes her head. ”Kids respect you if you don't show fear. They think you know something they don't.”

”Which is what?” Kenny asks.

I find myself leaning forward a bit to hear her answer. Jack does the same.

”Like if I'm at lunch, and I'm doing algebraic equations, I don't hide behind my book like I'm doing something wrong. I put it right there in the open. When people see I'm happy doing what I'm doing, it sort of takes the power away from them to tease you about it.”

”So Kenny shouldn't be afraid to let people know about the things he likes,” she continues, ”and Ally, you'll still be able to do all sorts of astronomy things even though the sky won't be as dark. There are planetariums and astronomy clubs and lots of big bookstores and libraries and museums where you can learn about anything.”

I glance at Ally's face, or what I can see of it by the glow of the single flashlight. Her skin is brighter already, less ashen. I'm surprised to find that I'm wis.h.i.+ng it could have been me who made Ally feel better.

”Now, Ally,” Ryan says, ”It's your turn. Tell us what makes living here so great.”

Ally takes a deep breath and sighs. ”Where do I start? When you live out here, you feel like a part of the universe. The stars are so close and the sky is so wide, it's like the earth and the sky and everything in between are one. It's hard to remember that there are so many bad things going on in the world. It doesn't seem possible when everything around me is beautiful.” She s.h.i.+vers. ”Out here Kenny and I have grown up in this wonderful little bubble where you don't have to worry about how you look, how people judge you, or even what channel to watch on the nonexistent television. Our choices are so easy.”

Kenny has been nodding during Ally's speech. ”She's right,” he says. ”I couldn't have said it any better.” He and Ally share a warm smile. I feel a stab of jealousy at their closeness. I don't like feeling jealous, but it's a familiar feeling. Every time I look in my Book at all the beautiful models I feel jealous. It's tiring.

Jack says, ”Sometimes I feel like I live in my own little bubble. I'd rather live in this one. I don't have any friends in my bubble.”

”You don't?” Ally says, her brows rising. ”How is that possible?”

I know how it's possible, but I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Jack shrugs. ”I don't like to do the same things as other people, I guess.”

”What do you like to do?” she asks. ”You know, when you're not organizing planet-hunting missions?”

They share a quick smile, then Jack goes back to pulling at the piece of loose string on his corner of the sleeping bag. Quietly, he says, ”I like drawing, and reading science fiction novels and . . .” He says something else, but at the same time Kenny jumps up and yells, ”It stopped raining!” and everyone springs to their feet and runs out. Except for me and Jack, who don't move.

”What did you say just now,” I ask, ”before Kenny cut you off?”

He seems surprised that I'm asking him and takes a little while to answer. ”I said I can come awake in my dreams. I can fly.”

”That's what I thought you said. Why do you want to come awake in your dreams?”

He shrugs.

I peer closely at him. The sliver of moonlight coming from the open door casts strange shadows on his face. ”Is it because you like the dream world better than the real one?”

With obvious effort, he meets my eyes. ”It's not just that. When I fly, I feel free.”

The shed door bangs open and Kenny comes back in before I can respond. I'm not sure what I would have said anyway.

”The rain has stopped for a while,” Kenny says, ”but the cloud cover is too great. All you can see is the moon.”

”That's enough for me,” Jack says, not wasting any time getting to his feet. ”Let's take the scope out and at least take a look through it. We can leave the monitor and computer attachments here.” He takes a quick glance back at me, then starts dragging the telescope toward the door.

I scoot out of the way. I've dreamt that I'm a famous model before. I've dreamt that I marry a prince and we have a huge wedding at a fab castle. But flying? I wouldn't tell Jack this, but it sounds like a waste of time. I think you should dream about things you really want to happen. That way, they're more likely to come true.

”C'mon out,” Melanie says, interrupting my thoughts. ”Come look at the moon.”

”I've seen the moon before.”

”Not like this you haven't.”

I let her drag me outside where no doubt the mosquitoes are buzzing in full force from the rain. The air is thick and soupy, and I can tell the lull in the storm is just that, a lull. Everyone has switched to their red flashlights even though only a handful of stars are visible.

I almost trip over the telescope cover, which is balled up on the wet ground. Ally has her eye pressed to the side of the telescope, and it takes me a minute to realize that's where the eyepiece is. ”That's Dandelion Crater,” she tells Jack. ”It was named after a Ray Bradbury book.”

Jack's face lights up. ”Really?”

Ally nods and steps back. ”Take a look.”

Jack comes forward and puts his eye to it. I hear a sharp intake of breath. ”It's so . . . so close!” he says. ”Like I can touch it!”

Melanie pushes me toward the telescope, but I stand firm. For reasons I don't understand, I'm suddenly deathly afraid to touch it. Jack's not moving anytime soon anyway.

”You know, Ally,” Jack says, not taking his eyes away. ”You might not be able to see as many stars where you're going, but you'll always be able to see the moon.”

”I've never spent much time looking at the moon. There were always so many other things to see.”

Ryan says, ”You can try to find all the craters on the moon instead of the Messier objects. I know it's not the same thing, but at least it's something.”

Ally nods, but instead of answering, she turns to me and says, ”Okay, it's your turn now.”

Jack reluctantly steps aside and waves me forward.

I approach the telescope very slowly. ”How about I use an empty toilet paper roll instead? I've heard that works great.”

Everyone laughs, but Ally shakes her head and points to the telescope. I can't see a way of getting out of this. I take a deep breath and rest my hand on the side of the telescope for balance. Ally yells, ”Don't jostle it!” But apparently I already did, so they have to locate the moon again, which requires looking through this small tube called the finder, and then adjusting k.n.o.bs. You wouldn't think something as big as the moon would be so easily lost.

”I don't mind not looking,” I tell them. ”Maybe we should just go back in. It could rain again any second.”

”It's all set now,” Ally says, ignoring my suggestion and pointing at the eyepiece. ”Just don't touch anything this time.”